The Smallest Gesture Makes the Biggest Difference
by It'sAllGooeyAndSticky
Summary: Butters has never been one to complain. Even through the worst. But his life is threatened when what he thinks is a cold turns into something more. Stan's afraid of Death, Kenny wants Death, and Butters might die? Inspired by Don'tDieMyLove
1. Spot Light

**Author's Note:**

Something has come over me, and I've been having some terrifying writer's block. I had this idea, though, and I thought I'd write it out.

This will be my last Fic for quite some time. This is due to the fact that reading/writing FanFictions have completely taken over my life. Shit's like crack, as someone already said. Anyways, some of you who like Bunny are gonna think I'm cruel, But too bad for you.

This is one of the more longer stories, so make sure you have time, or read chapters slowly and in pairs. It's a piece I worked so hard on, and I would like honest reviews. I want my readers to get the emotional side of things. Here goes.

My last Bunny, and Fic. Dedicated to the three people who have kept me inspired. SugaPieIsSoFly, Eternal-Lie, and Pikturisque. Famous for writing, the Free For All Act. Read it.

**DISCLAIMER:**

I do not own any of the following items used in this story. South Park, and it's characters, and/or any song lyrics that appear on this story. This story contains descriptions of real places/people/events. This is entirely coincidental, and used for the furthering of the story's plot. Contains descriptions of sexual content, drugs, and language.

_The Smallest Gesture Makes the Biggest Difference_

**Spot Light**

I was sitting in class, doing my work. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. 'Kenny, you don't do work.' Actually, it's been getting a lot better. I found out by accident that if I apply myself, I can really actually do something. My brain is useful, come to think of it. Anyway, back to my story. Was sitting in class doing my work, when the classroom door slowly opened. Nothing ever happened at Park High accept a couple people getting dragged out of class every once in a while for being obnoxious. Throwing paper planes, cussing, you know the drill. All heads—myself included—turned to look at who the visitor was. I almost screamed as I saw the boy standing shyly at the door. Mrs. Gilli stood from her desk and walked quickly over. She pulled the boy into the classroom, and shut the door.

"Everyone welcome Butters back!" she said excitedly. "Say hi, everyone!" she said as she brought Butters up to the front of the room.

"Hey, Butters." we all said in a chorus.

"H-hey." Butters mumbled hanging his head down.

"Go take a seat anywhere you can find one, dear." she said pushing him forward. "You've got ten minutes for the bell to ring."

Butters headed over to where I sat in the very back, and sat in the empty desk beside me. I impulsively reached out and took his hand.

"Kenny." he said simply trying not to cry.

"We'll talk as soon as the class lets out." I said softly.

"I'd like that." Butters pressed as we both sat there.

The bell rang in no time, and everyone was crowding around mine and Butters's desks as soon as the okay to stand was there.

"Hey!" I said before they could ask questions. Butters was very red in the face and looked crushed under the pressure. "I've gotta get to my next class, and I'm sure you all do to. Get going!" I shouted to the crowd as they all turned and left.

I got up, and Butters did too. We both walked off. Butters pressed close to me, and slipped a hand into the crook of my arm. I squeezed him as I led him into the boy's bathroom. It was just our luck that we were alone.

"Are you okay, Butter Cup?" I asked sadly. "I would've dropped by, and got you if I knew they were going to let you out early. Sorry, love."

He gave me a broken smile as he leaned into me and hugged me. I saw the urgency and desperation in his eyes. He needed this closeness. Needed it as much as the illest person would. Especially when his parents unexplainably go on a one year cruise around the world, to try and work out marriage issues.

"It's okay, Kenny." he said softly. "I didn't know either. I didn't wanna come to school today, but I had to, so I could find you."

"Wanna go home?" I asked sadly. "You feel okay?"

"I feel tired. I'm hungry, and afraid to eat, because I might throw up." Butters said softly. "The worst part is, Mrs. Gilli just put me on the spot. Kenny, I hate it when I walk in after a trip to the hospital, and the teachers go: "Hey, everyone! Say hi to Butters! Hey everyone! Let's all welcome Butters back! Hey, everyone!" Why don't I just put a big huge sign on my forehead saying, HEY, everyone! Leopold Butters Stotch is back! Come say hi!"

"Butters, I have told you time and again, that if you need me to talk to your teachers, I will." I said sternly. "I wouldn't mind. I'm not going to be rude, I'm just going to try and get through to them. So, can I do it?" I asked.

"Promise, no blood shed?" he asked still holding on to me.

"Yes." I said looking him deep in the face. "No blood at all. No cursing, no yelling, just politeness."

"Okay." Butters muttered as we both pulled apart. "Let's go. I've got Garrison, next. Wish you did."

We made it all the way to Garrison's class. The kids were all filing in, and I managed to sneak Butters up to his desk before anyone said a thing to him.

"Hey, Kenny." the man said tonelessly. "Oh, you brought Butters!" he said louder this time. "Hey-!"

"Stop." I said softly. "Mr. Garrison, just let things go. Don't announce it to the whole class, he doesn't want that. Okay? It's like, you're singling him out or something. Please, man. Look at him, and tell me you can stand to put him through this again. Mrs. Gilli already did."

"Oh." Garrison said softly. "Sorry, Butters. Go have a seat. I'll see you after class, Kenny." he said as I led my blonde to a seat.

"I'll see you as soon as the bell rings, for lunch. Okay?" I whispered into his ear. "Love you."

"I love you, too." he said softly. "Thanks, Kenny. You're my hero."

No! I thought to myself as I walked out of the room. I'm not your hero! If I was a hero, I could stop what was happening. Stop it all. The pain, the wait, the hopelessness that threatens to take both of us under with it.


	2. Filler

**Filler**

When I was nine years old, one of my classmates had played a dirty trick on me. I don't know what the heck he was trying to accomplish, but he tricked me into almost putting his dick in my mouth. I didn't think about it any. My dad came in and caught me, and thought I was "bicurious" and sent me to a straight camp. I studdied lots, but I was still too innocent to know what was really going on. So, for a brief time, I was surrounded by a bunch of sexually repressed boys. Again, I didn't think about it, and I went on with my life.

When I was ten, my mom caught my dad again, at some place with lots of guys. Mom had gone insane again, and this time, instead of trying to kill me, she tried to give me a sex change. Said if I was a girl, I wouldn't have to be such a little dick when I grew up. Her words, not mine. I fought, and I even ran away. Can anyone guess where I ran away to? To the only place I knew I could be in peace. Kenny's place. His mom and dad were the poorest family out of all the families that lived in this town. Stu managed to keep a good income by doing jobs for the towns people. He was really good at being a plumber, seeing as he did build his own house. So, Kenny and his family were bad off, but at least they stuck together. His mom and dad still used drugs as a way of escaping. When he grew, Kenny would do the same, just not as badly.

As I grew older, I became aware that everyone was useless around me. Mom and dad were unhappy, and still together. Eric Cartman went to no ends to piss me off. Well, no, everyone he could piss off, he'd do it. Somehow, I was always the loyal friend and always made to help him in his dirty schemes. Of course, there were things I wouldn't do.

My life took a turn for the worse as I grew older. I felt alone, and isolated. Everyone always let me down in one way or another. I hated living in my place, I hated the people around me. There was only one person, who seemed ever present in my life that I didn't really mind having. Can you guess who?

He had apologized when he threw a ninja star in my eye. I told him it was okay. He still apologized some times when he felt bad for it. I waved it off. I hated it when he thought about the accident, and I didn't want him to be guilty, or anything.

I was fine one day. I swear. I was normal, and I loved life. I loved playing games on my computer. I loved drawing pictures of butter flies, and lady bugs. I loved watching television. I woke up that day normally. So, I don't understand why my life fell apart when I saw Kenny in the shower that day, and my stomach melted into my body. I felt nervous, I felt, strange.

It didn't take long to find out what my mom and dad and the camp counselors meant when they said I was bicurious. I remembered the incident with the porn movie that had first exposed me. I searched online for pictures of girls without any clothing, trying to see if they made me feel like I felt when I accidentally saw Kenny in the shower the day before. I had been over at his place, and I'd gone into the bathroom, because I needed to get some toilet paper for my nose bleed. Eric had been angry at something that I just can't take the time to care about right now, and punched me. Kenny peeked out to see if I was okay, and I saw him in the steam. I felt so strange inside. Sometime after that—after eliminating all my options—I discovered I was gay. Not just gay, but gay for Kenny. Because I tried looking at other guys. I purposefully got a glimpse of Stan, Kyle, Jimmy, and Kevin Stoley. It didn't do anything. I felt the same. One day I was sitting in class, minding my own business. The next, I was walking into the bathroom that Kenny was occupying, and my world had fallen apart. My whole, sexless, normal world, had fallen apart.


	3. Jealousy Woes

**Jealousy Woes**

After I found out I was gay, I began my quest. I tried to forget about my feelings. No matter how much I tried, I always came undone when I was with him. I felt so miserable after I saw him, and I felt the happiest when I was with him. He never commented on me, until one day when I turned fifteen.

Just like him, and his three super best friends, I had my own adventures. But mine were different. Mine were adventures at home. My parents would yell, and fight, and mom would always go periodically insane. She's calmable, if that's even a word, and it doesn't take long before we're all on good terms again. But it is emotionally straining. Where was I going with this? I'm not one of the main characters in God's little television show. I'm in the background. No one ever remembers Butters's birthday, or to wish him Marry Christmas, or to invite him trick-or-treating. No one ever made sure to see if Butters was okay. Accept… Kenny.

He brought me my homework when I was grounded and couldn't go to school. I know, my parents are both weird. He always found a way to call me, wherever I was, and tell me happy birthday. He always wished me a merry Christmas, and made sure that I was doing okay after a grounding.

It was a Friday the thirteenth, and I left my house because my mom and dad had gotten into a fight about some Puerto Rican Guy. Mom still had hang-ups about how bad my dad and her had lied that one time. I sighed. I so hated my life right about now. I was going to my favorite place in the world. Stark's Pond. They took down the stupid Wall-Mart that they made back when I was nine. So now, the pond had been refilled, and stocked up with pretty gold fish. I smiled as I walked over to a familiar place. That's when it happened.

I heard laughter, and a loud slap. I walked a little farther than I had intended, in order to see what was going on. I spotted the two silhouettes, and I tried to see who it was. It was Kenny, and Tammy Warner. I moaned audibly as I watched her kiss him on the mouth. Tears filled my eyes.

Why was I crying? Or starting to? Why did I feel a hollow feeling as Kenny's lips pressed into hers? Because it wasn't me. Because I wanted him to love me so much, just like he loved her. Because I loved, Kenny McCormick.

A sob escaped my throat as I turned around and tried to run off. I heard him calling my name, and I ran as fast as I could back to my place. Sure, mom and dad were yelling, but it wasn't as bad anymore. I could deal with them, if it meant escaping the raw reality that had gotten a hold of me. Kenny had a girlfriend once again. Screw him.

I ate dinner, which I made. I always made dinner nowadays, because mom and dad were so into their own lives they didn't care about anything else. If they didn't notice food on the table, they'd order a pizza or take out from City Wok.

After I ate dinner, dad came walking up to me. He smiled.

"Did you do your homework, Butters?" he asked.

"Yes sir." I said simply.

"Then, go play."

"Come on, dad, I'm too old to play, and you know it." I grunted as I got up and walked past him.

"Mommy and daddy need to talk." he said simply. "Play, Butters, or you're grounded!" he ordered.

"Okay." I said as I walked outside.

I pulled the door closed behind me, and sat down on the stoop. My dad seemed to be on to me, so he opened the door.

"Play, young man!" he yelled.

"I'm goin'!" I shouted as I got up and walked off.

My stomach hurt, and tears filled my eyes again. I just wanted to cry. Or die, even. Anything is better than this feeling in my chest.

"Butters!" A very familiar unwelcomed voice pierced the air.

For once in my life, I was not glad to see Kenny McCormick standing in front of me. I glared at him.

"Go-go away, Kenny." I tried. Curse my stupid stutter.

"Not until you tell me what's the matter." he said simply. "What happened?"

Stay away from his eyes. I needed to stay away from his eyes. I couldn't look him in the face. His ocean pools always made me want to reveal everything to him. To let him know what I felt, and why. To make him notice me, the way he noticed every girl, and even some guys. The way he noticed every other being on the planet, accept me. If I looked up and into his Cerulean orbs, I'd fall apart. Maybe burst into tears. Maybe he'd see how I really felt.

"What's the matter?" he asked again.

"I'm just-just trying to hide." I moaned unable to hide my tears. "Mom and dad just k-kicked me out of m-my house, and I'm j-just trying to hide." I moaned. "Can you p-please leave me al-alone?" I begged.

"That wouldn't be very nice of me." he said coming over to me and lifting my head up to look him in the face.

I instantly closed my eyes. I could not look into his. I'd be dust. I'd be toast. Kenny had a very uncanny ability to read minds, I swear it. He could see straight through my heart, and into my soul. He could see my every thought.

"Butters," Kenny said sternly. "Look at me. Open your eyes, and look at me."

"I don't nee-need to." I stammered. "I really don't w-wanna talk to you, right n-now, Kenny." I moaned. "Please, just let go of my face, and let go of me. I don't w-wanna be your friend anymore."

I felt his hand fall instantly off of me, and down to his side. I looked down, and stared at his hands as my eyes opened.

"Will you just tell me what I did to you that was so bad?" he asked in a soft sad tone. "If it's about the God damned Shuricken-"

"Forget about the darn Shuriken!" I yelled. My voice reverberating all around the quiet space. "Just leave me alone!" I said as I tried to walk past him.

"Butters, you are going to tell me what happened, if it's the last thing you do." Mysterion said grabbing me gently by the shoulder. "Turn around and face me, Chaos." he spat. "Or are you scared?"

"I don't wanna play." I said simply. "Just let me go. I have to be getting home now, I'll be grounded."

I was caught off guard. I was caught completely off guard as he spun me gently around, and trapped me. He held me to his chest, and I could feel his heart pounding against him.

"Tell me, what the hell is wrong." he said sternly still in Mysterion's vocals. "I want to help."

"You can't." I said as the icy realization hit me. "Just forget about it, and let go of me."

"Butters, please look at me." he said using his normal voice again. "Just look up and look at me. Please." he pleaded. "I'm not trying to be mean, I just wanna know what happened to you. I saw you earlier, and tried-."

"Kenny, just let go of me!" I said unable to stop the tears from running down my face.

"Oh, God." he moaned. "Please, don't cry. I feel sick when you start crying, Butters." he moaned. "I feel upset, and I can't breathe."

I opened my eyes, and looked up into his beautiful shocking blue ones. He stared and smiled at me.

"Leopold Butters Stotch!" he said softly. "Are you jealous of Tammy?"

"No!" I sobbed. "I hate my mom and dad! I hate you! I hate everyone! Please, Kenny, let go of me!" I pleaded. "Please!"

"Butters?" he whispered. "Would a kiss make you feel better?" he whispered.

"No!" I yelled trying to push him away.

"Today is Friday the thirteenth, Butters. I always die around this time." he said softly. "And I know as well as you do, that you are the only one who remembers my deaths."

It was true. I found out when I was nine, that Kenny always died. He always got killed, and no one remembered but me. I was starting to think that maybe that's why he was being nice to me. Where the heck was this going?

"Kenny, let go of me!" I sobbed uncontrollably now.

"No. You know Tammy is nothing to me. If you didn't stay long enough to see, I slapped her away when she did that. I don't like Tammy anymore." he said softly.

"Kenny, you liar!" I moaned. "You screw anything with a pulse! If a raccoon was the only thing around, you'd screw it, too!" I said still pushing against him.

"Butters, I know how you feel." he said softly. "I was there, when you saw me in the shower nine months ago. You haven't been over to my place since, and you don't even answer my calls when I try and call to see how you are." he said softly. "I know you have a crush on me. I know… you… want me." he said softly. "To notice you, like I do the others. To be a friend to you, like I am to Stan and Kyle. Cartman, out of pure pity, and nothing else." he said as an afterthought. "Why can't you admit it?" he asked. "You love me."

"No!" I said as my heart broke. "No! Kenny, no!" I sobbed as he picked me up and cradled me in his arms. "No! Put me down!" I moaned.

"Butters, I wanna be there for you." He whispered softly. "Just like you wish for me to."

"I don't!" I moaned as I tried to jump out of the tight grip.

Before I could do anything, he was kissing me. I looked into his eyes, and saw something like anguish in his gaze. I couldn't help myself, and I pressed myself into him. I let out a moan, and wrapped my arms tightly around him. He was the only thing keeping me going, and I didn't want to lose him as a… well, what was this?

"See?" Kenny whispered frantically as he pulled his lips away from mine just enough to be able to speak. Our mouths were still connected by our lower lips. "See? You love me." he said as his honeyed breath hit against my lips. "See, Leopold?" he whispered. "You love me. And you know what? I love you, too."

And that was that. I don't know what we became, but I had Kenny, at last. I had my best friend. We were more than that, and even I knew that.


	4. I Love You

**I Love You**

The next year and a half of my life had been one of the best. I felt amazing with him. I felt incredible. I wanted him, and he always showed he wanted me. Yet, he wasn't his normal self around me. He had much cleaner dialogue, and he didn't pressure me for anything that I didn't want to do. That's why my first kiss with Kenny McCormick was so incredibly special.

"I can't believe this!" Kenny said bitterly as we both sat in my living room. My mom and dad were both out at my aunt's place. "You used cheat moves, Stotch!" he claimed as he playfully shoved me over. "I demand a rematch!"

"No." I said smiling. "I don't think so. I kinda gotta go do homework."

"Really?" he asked. "Because I thought you could do something… a little more… you know, video game related."

"Get over it, Kenny, I beat you four times." I said yawning. "If you really want me around, give me a kiss, and see where that leads."

We'd been sitting in my living room on the carpet playing video games. He was so bent on winning, he'd called a best four out of seven. I'd beaten him four times in a row already. I won. For some reason, I really wanted to kiss him today. He laughed out loud.

"Really? I thought your first kiss would be a lot more special than this." Kenny said as he put down the game controller.

"It's been a while, and I'm sure you've been dying." I assumed as he and I both stood up.

"Well, yeah. But I keep telling you-."

"Don't say it!" I yelled almost pushing away from him.

I love you. Those were the hardest things to say. Because they weren't just words. They were words that I said and meant. They were words that if I said them, looking into Kenny's eyes, he would see that I really did love him.

"I love you!" he shouted before I could say anything. "Butters, can you just get used to that?" he asked.

"If you can get used to not being clingy all the time." I said bitterly.

Kenny had spent more times over at my place, and me at his than we both could count. And we always had to sleep in the same bed, because at my place, I didn't want him sleeping on the floor, and at his place, the house was freezing, and we needed to keep warm. During the night, he would always manage to either pin me down on the bed, and fall asleep on me, or somehow fall asleep holding me. Like I say, I never thought about it any way at all. Until I saw him in the shower that day. I always teased him about it, and he seemed hurt by it. Because it was true. Kenny had never been held by his mom, unless to feed him, or change him. Or by his dad, for that matter. So, I teased him about being clingy, and he teased me about being hopeless and unforgiving towards love. That's why, for the longest time, it had been so strange to say, and to be told, I love you. Especially from Kenny.

I wrapped my arms around the blonde's waist, and hugged him. He laughed as he picked me up in his arms and led me to the couch.

"I love you, Leopold!" he said urgently as he held me. "Get used to it! I love you!"

"Do I have to say it back?" I asked almost hearing his heart break.

"No, Butter Cup. Not until you feel it. I know I sure as hell do." he said as he kissed me.

My lips pressed gently into his at first. Then, I felt something strange and I pressed deeper into him. He let out a small moan. He twisted his fingers into my hair, and held me closer. Sadly, we were both human, and needed to resurface to breathe. He pulled away, and looked at me fondly.

"I love you, so much, Butter Cup." he said softly. "Did you like it?"

"Uh huh." I said speechless.

"You taste so good." he said smiling. "Like strawberries."

"You taste like honey." I whispered softly.

"Yeah?" Kenny asked in a soft whisper. "May I do it again?" he asked.

"Yes." I breathed. "More. More, Kenny."


	5. Loss of Apatite

**Loss of Apatite**

For the last three months, Butters had slowly been going downhill. First it was coughing fits, then, it was sweating during the night. Not just a little bit either, we're talking, sweating like a pig. He'd always drench the sheets. I hated to see him go through this, because I hated anything that made my blonde sad, or unhappy. I hated it. His parents had left three days ago, knowing that their son was sick. He'd been from doctor to doctor. Place to place. No one knew what was wrong with him. So that is why, right now, he had burst into the room late, and the lady had tried nicely to welcome him back. Time passed by during second, and the bell finally rang. I grabbed my bag, and I ran. I ran to Garrison's classroom, and I watched, as Leopold came walking slowly out of his class. He looked around, and didn't spot me. I saw tears well in his eyes as he failed to see me. I walked up to him, and he smiled relieved as he spotted me.

"Hey, Butter Scotch." I said smiling. "Come on, let's go."

I took his hand in mine, and I walked off. I looked over at him, and saw the characteristically bright smile once again. He looked like he was walking on sunshine. I couldn't help smiling too, as I led him outside to the car.

I let go of him as I took a joint out of my pocket. I looked over at the boy as I lit the joint. He snuggled into me and ducked under my raised arms to rest against my side.

"Butters." I said simply. "You're gonna get the weed smoke in your face."

"Who cares." he said yawning. "I'll pretend I'm not witnessing you kill yourself slowly."

"Yes, Leopold. You do that. Remember. Ignorance is bliss." I said simply as I took a drag. "But aren't you going to eat?" I asked.

"Later." he mumbled. "Something's wrong with me, Kenny." he blurted out of absolutely nowhere.

"I'm sure it's just a flu, or something." I said as my stomach churned.

"No, Kenny. Something is very wrong with me." he mumbled. "I'm serious. No one believes me."

"Wanna go back to Hell's Pass when we're done with school?" I asked. "Then, you could… you know, try to get one of the doctors to look at you."

"Naw. I'll try tomorrow." he muttered. "I'm tired of dealing with doctors." he said softly.

I finished the joint, and I threw the remains off to the ground. We both opened the back door of his car, and got in. I took the lunches and handed him his. He opened the bag, and pulled out the first thing his hand came in contact with.

"Strawberries!" he said sounding more like himself now. "Kenny! Thank you!" he gasped as he threw himself over and hugged me. "We didn't have strawberries at my place, where the heck did you get these?" he asked.

"I have magical powers." I said smiling. "The J Mart isn't that far from your place, Butters." I added laughing as he took one of the berries and bit into it.

The look on the boy's face was priceless. He looked like he was in heaven. A little juice started trickling down his mouth as he shoved the rest of the fruit into it. I reached over and brushed the back of my left hand over the spot. Butters blushed furiously, and I smiled.

"These aw good!" he said through a mouthful. "Mmmmmm!"

"They're just strawberries, Butters." I said simply.

I sat with him eating as the time went on. He ate the fruit, and looked inside the bag. He gave a huge sigh, and looked up at me.

"You're not hungry, are you, kid?" I asked.

"Yeah." he said smiling back. "I am. Don't worry."

"Butters, if you're not hungry, you don't have to eat anymore." I said simply. "I'll only force you when you don't eat at all. Just put it aside for later if you don't want any."

"I'll just drink this." he said as he pulled the water bottle out of the bag. "What did you do?" he asked smiling. "Ice tea?"

"Yeah." I said simply. "That okay?"

"Yeah." he said as he drank half the bottle in one gulp.

"Whoa. When was the last time you drank water?" I asked a little worried.

"I dunno." he mumbled as he yawned. He drained the rest of the bottle, and glared at it as if he hated it for being empty.

"Wanna go home, Butter Scotch?" I asked looking at him with concern.

"Naw. There's only two more classes left. Hey, look! Here comes Kyle and Rebecca."

She used to be home schooled. She used to be shy. Kyle had turned her into a little whore for a bit. Then, he'd enlisted the help of Red and Wendy to turn Rebecca into someone more dateable. Kyle and her have been going steady for the last, well, forever. They're so not like Stan and Wendy. They have only broken up, once.

Butters and I both got out of the car, and locked up. They both spotted us, and greeted us warmly. Rebecca and Butters jumped into a conversation, and I pulled Kyle closer to talk to him as well.

"Dude,, something's wrong with Butters." I said softly as he and Kyle's girlfriend talked animatedly about something in a class, probably.

"Yeah. I've noticed to. He's not looking very good. Has he told his mom and dad?"

"They fuckin' ditched him three days ago. Trying to work out their marriage, and left on a one year cruise. Get this." I said as something else came into my mind. "They left him, trusting that he would be okay, knowing that he's not doing good. They told him that if he fucked up, he'd be grounded."

"Dude!" Kyle mumbled. "Grounded? Those two'll probably ground the poor kid for having Leukemia." he joked.

"Kyle!" I gasped. "Not funny!"

"Sorry, sorry." he said simply.


	6. Lullaby

**Lullaby**

**Butters**

Time flew by quick enough. I regretted staying in class the whole rest of the day. I felt like total trash. I wanted to just lay down, and sleep. Or something better. Maybe, lay down, and die.

I marvel at the fact that mom and dad left me, and I still don't know why I'm feeling this way. I marvel at the fact that they totally ditched me. How? The bell for last period rang, signaling the end.

I ran out of the room before I could get told anything by my classmates, and I ran to my locker. I needed to find Kenny, and get all my things together. I put everything into my bag that I would need, and slammed my locker shut. Where was Kenny?

I made it to his locker, but he wasn't there. Where the heck was Kenny! I almost began to cry as I thought about the fact that maybe he'd left me. Darn it, why are people so untrustworthy? A pair of arms wrapped around my waist, and I nearly screamed.

"Sorry, Butter Cup." said the familiar voice. "I'm so sorry. I got caught up with Kyle. Anyway, are you okay?" he asked. "You got everything?"

"Yeah. Can you drive?" I asked yawning. "I feel so bad, bro."

Not caring that we pretty much gathered stares from just about everyone who saw us, Kenny took my bag and slung it on to his other shoulder. He picked me up in his arms, and I melted into him. We made our way to the car, and I don't remember at what point I fell asleep.

… … … … …

When I awoke, I found myself undressed in the bathtub. I gasped. Kenny was looming above me, with no shirt on. His torso was glistening with water, and he held a bar of soap in his hands.

"What happened?" I moaned.

"You managed to drench your outfit." he informed. "Butters, this is getting out of control."

"No shit!" I yelled. My voice echoed off the bathroom walls. "Aw, gee, Ken. Don't tell my mom and dad." I moaned. "Aw! I should really wash my-!"

"No, you shouldn't wash your mouth out with soap." he put in. "It's okay to cuss once in a while, Butters. Just don't do it regularly, and you'll be fine."

"Are you feeling any better?" he asked as he lathered me up with soap.

"I guess." I said simply. "I feel sleepy."

"Well, try not to fall asleep too fast." he said as he washed me off. "I don't wanna drown you when I wash your hair."

In no time at all, he was wrapping me up in a towel, and carrying me off into my room. I was hardly able to move as he and I tried to dress me again. Kenny had put me into a pair of sweat pants, and a blue short sleeved shirt. Not normally what I would wear, but I really couldn't find myself caring.

"Kenny?" I asked as he carried me down to the living room. "Do you have to leave?"

Every day he'd stay with me until we absolutely had to separate. My parents thought it was nice that someone would take the time to, "Play with Butters." my mom would say in a strange glossy tone. They both thought it was nice that Kenny was actually my real friend, instead of just someone like Eric who had always humiliated me, or made fun of me in some way. I felt my worst during the Awesome-O incident.

"No." he said simply. "Not if you don't want me to."

"So, w-will you st-stay with me?" I asked hopeful.

"Yeah." he said softly as he kissed me gently. "I'll stay with you, Butters. As long as you need."

We ate dinner, which was surprising. I made us a pizza from scratch, because I really wanted to make myself useful. Kenny sat around doing his homework, until I called him in.

"What?" he asked walking over to me. "Dude, what are you doing?"

"Making cobbler." I said smiling.

Fifteen minutes later we sat down to dinner. Kenny looked like Christmas had come early. He kept on looking over at me with the biggest grin on his face.

"Hmm?" I asked at one point.

"This pizza is fuckin' good, doll." he said smiling at me. "Man, Butters! This is so good!"

"It's just pizza, Kenny." I said a little amused at his excitement.

"Butters, if you brought me a candy bar from the store, and unwrapped it for me, and gave it to me, I'd think it was the best damn candy in the world. Something about you that just makes everything seem a little more special than it really is." he informed as my face burned.

"You don't look too good, and you've been eating that same slice of pizza for the last fifteen minutes." He asked after he finished the second slice.

"I'm just all of a sudden not that hungry." I said sadly. "I mean, I want it, it's just, I'm not hungry anymore."

I took a while to eat it. I knew if I didn't eat it, I'd wake up in the middle of the night, and be hungry as all heck. After I was done, I got myself a bit of cobbler. Again, Kenny just kept on giving me this look.

"What?" I asked between mouthfuls.

"You make food seem erotic." he said laughing as my face exploded into a blush.

"I hate you." I said as I put my spoon down.

"Sorry, love." he said laughing. "It's just, the way you lick that spoon." Kenny burst into new laughter as he stared at me eating again.

When dinner was all done, I tried to do my homework. I don't know when, but I finally managed to finish it, and I almost cried. I was done! I could go to sleep. I didn't care if I got it all wrong, or anything. I just wanted to sleep.

"Aw." Kenny cooed sweetly. "My sweet little Butter Cup is tired. I'll put you to bed, yeah?" he asked.

"Kenny." he picked me up and carried me off to the upstairs corridors. "Will you sing to me?" I asked as he pulled back the covers with his free hand and laid me down after slipping off my boots.

"What?" he asked.

"Sounds of Silence." I requested. It was my favorite song, and surprisingly, Kenny knew it well. He loved it, too. I hoped he liked it because he liked it, and not because it was Butters's favorite song.

Soon, he was lying beside me, with his arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. My hands were pressed gently into his chest, on his left side. I could feel the strong steady beating of his heart. A heart that he said belonged to me. Really? Seriously? No one's ever said that to me before.

**Kenny**

I took my blonde into my arms, and held him close. I leaned into him, and kissed his beautiful face. I watched as his smile brightened, and he closed his eyes.

"If I don't tell you because I fell asleep," he said softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Leopold." I said as I tightened my grip on the boy. I let my voice wash over him, and lull him into a state of sleep, which I hope would make him feel better in the morning.

"Hello Darkness, my old friend.

I've come to talk with you again.

Because a vision softly, creeping!

Left it's seeds while I was, sleeping!

And the vision,

That was planted in my brain,

Still remains.

Within the sound,

Of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone.

Narrow streets of cobble stone.

'Neath the halo of a, street lamp!

I turn my collar to the cold and damp!

When my eyes were stabbed,

By the flash of A neon light.

That split the night.

And touched the sound,

Of silence.

And in the naked light I saw,

Ten thousand people, maybe more.

(Butters began to breathe deep, and slow. And I knew he was falling asleep.)

"People talking without, speaking!

People hearing without, listening!

People writing psalms,

That voices never shared!

No one dared.

(Leopold fell asleep around here.)

"Disturb the sound,

Of silence.

Fools said I do not know.

Silence like a cancer grows.

Hear my words that I might teach you!

Take my arms that I might reach you!

But my words,

Like silent rain drops fell!

Echoed, in the wells, of silence.

(Butters's voice joined me for the next two lines.)

"And the people bowed and prayed.

To the neon God they made.

(He let out a deep sigh as he snuggled closer into me.)

"And the sign flashed out it's, warning!

In the words that it was, forming!

And the sign said,

The words of the profits are written on the subway walls!

Tenement Falls.

Whispered, in the sounds, of silence."

Tears came to my eyes as I lay beside my blonde. Leopold was very sick, and there was nothing I could do. Worst of all, I think I know what's wrong with him. And if my guess is correct—and it mostly always is… mostly—he doesn't have much to live.

"I love you, Leopold." I whispered planting a gentle kiss on the boy's flushed cheek.


	7. Nothing Wrong

**Nothing Wrong**

When I awoke the next day, I felt something wet on my arms. I gasped. Had I accidentally peed? I looked up to find Kenny standing over me. He looked livid with anger.

"What?" I gasped as my heart sank.

"You practically ripped off your skin on your arms." he said bitterly. "We're not going to school today, Leopold." he said simply. "We're going to the damn doctors again."

"Kenny!" I begged. "I have to take a test today! Trigonometry is very hard, and I can't miss!"

"Butters, this is out of control!" he shouted as he cleaned off my arms. "Look at this!"

The cotton balls in a little pile were all covered in blood. My blood! I let out a scream, and Kenny flinched visibly.

"You scratched yourself so bad, that it finally bled, Butters!" he said bitterly.

"Aw!" I moaned. "It's all sticky!"

"Oh, brother." he whispered as a bit of a smile crept back into his face.

"It's all sticky and gooey!" I moaned.

"Well, don't touch it!" he ordered as he pushed my hand gently away. "Oh, gross." he groaned. "Oh, and you're drenched in sweat again."

"I gotta go shower!" I gasped.

"You don't get it! You're not going to school today, Leopold!" he shouted.

The phone rang. Kenny picked it up, and answered.

"H-hello?" Whoa! He sounded just like me. "Hey, mom." he drawled. "Yeah. I'm just here, do-doin' my homework. I know, ma'am." he sighed. "I know. Gee, ma'am, I'm sorry. I'll try to be a little nicer next time." he said sadly. "Sorry. Okay. Bye. I promise I won't watch TV after ten." he said sadly. "Bye."

"God, your parents are hell's angels!" he said as he slammed down the phone.

"Now, Kenny," I said secretly agreeing. "They're my, p-parents, and I have to love 'em."

"That stutter sure as hell gives it all away." he said sarcastically. "You, really love your parents."

"Can I just go take a shower?" I begged. "I still have time to make it to class."

Kenny and I fought the whole way to the bathroom. We both took a shower, (Yes, together, you idiots.), as he tried to convince me not to go to school.

"What is the worst thing that could happen if you go to the doctors, and they give you a diagnosis?" he asked as we both got dressed.

"I've got a diagnosis, smart one." I said astonished. I've never heard him talk… well, smart before. "It's probably just a cold. They come and go." I said smirking at him.

"Butters, you have to go to the doctor!" he moaned. "Please, do it for me! If not for you!"

"Can I just please, go to school, and see how I feel?" I asked. "If I feel badly, then, I'll go and get myself to the doctor."

"Can I drive?" he asked. "And will you eat breakfast?"

It wasn't exactly breakfast. We had cobbler from yesterday, which today tasted excellent.

… … … … …

School went by in a haze. I couldn't really pay attention, and hoped for my sake that everything was going okay. By that, I mean, that I hoped I was doing all right with all the work I was turning in. I felt horrible.

"Butters, can I have a word?" asked Mr. Siliac after the bell rang signaling the end of school.

"Y-yes, sir." I stammered as I got up and walked up to his desk.

"Butters, is there something going on at home?" he asked.

"No sir." I said calmly.

"Butters, your grades are slipping." he said confirming my worst fears. "This is stuff you're a wiz at, Butters." he said simply. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yes." I stumbled. "I'm fine."

I started fidgeting with my hands as I looked down. I really just wanted Kenny. I wanted to go home.

Think of the devil and the devil will appear. I heard a knock at the door, and Kenny came strolling in.

"Hello, Mr. Siliac." he said through his hood.

"Uh, hello, Kenny." Mr. Siliac said smiling. "Is Stan okay?"

"Yeah." Kenny said pulling his hood down to be able to talk with the man. "I took him to the nurse."

"I was just having a talk with Butters here, about his grades. He's doing very bad in lab, and it looks like his homework is only getting half done."

Why did _my teacher have to tell _my boyfriend all about _my problems, when my boyfriend was the most protective, worried, ghetto boy in the world!

"Look, I'll do better." I said trying not to yawn. "I'll do better next time. It's just… term… is tough. You know?" I asked having trouble. "I'll study harder. I've just been feeling a little under the weather, is all."

"Okay. Well, go and get some rest, thankfully there isn't school tomorrow. In service." he said smiling. "See you both later."

Kenny and I walked silently down the hall and towards my locker. I dumped all my stuff that I knew I didn't need in there, and got the things I knew I did need. It was only my math book, and my AP Lit book that I needed. Not really much to do.

"What happened to Stan?" I asked curiously.

"He accidentally cut himself with a scalpel." Kenny said as I flinched. "We were doing frog dissection, and he got something on his finger. The fuck decides it's okay to use his blade to take the, whatever it was, off the glove, and cuts through the latex. Fuckin' idiot!" Kenny fumed as we both made it to his locker.

"You should move in with Butters, whose single," Stan said as we met up with him. "And let Wendy, move in with me."

"We'll start the transfer Monday." Kenny said without a complaint.

"Do I get any say in this?" I asked.

"No." they both said simply.

"All right then." I said submissively.

"You really gotta start standin' up for yourself with everyone." Kenny said as we both walked off and down the stairs. "Not just me whenever I tell you it's time to go to the doctors."

We did end up going to the doctors that day. They took my blood pressure, my sugar levels, everything. Nothing happened. They didn't find anything wrong with me at all. I hated Kenny for putting me through this, and I hated myself for being so worked up about this. It was going to be okay. And yet, I couldn't help thinking that maybe, it wouldn't 'be okay. Maybe, there was something wrong with me.


	8. At Stark's Pond

**At Stark's Pond**

For the next couple months, Kenny took the longest journey with me from doctor to doctor. I got worse and worse. I'd started coughing fits, now. They lasted anywhere from three to fifteen minutes. My itching got to the point that Kenny had to duct tape socks over my hands to keep me from tearing my skin apart during the night. It was all okay, though. As long as I was sane, and able to breathe, I was fine. And though I hated to admit it, Kenny was an endless source of comfort.

Since pre-school, I'd been somewhat of a loner. Yet, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny, though often all making fun of me, and using me as a scape goat, would always act friendly to me, and be kind. Token would, too at points. But no one ever really paid attention to me. That is why, I was so bent on finding out why Kenny was with me. I always brought the subject up with him, and tried to ask if he wanted something in return. Or if it was a bet with his friends how long he could humiliate the gay fag. He'd look at me with a pained expression, and almost become angry. I could tell.

Everything was different now. I felt terrible, and my parents were gone, but he still hung around. Even though I'd not once had the time, or the energy to make love to him for the first time, like I knew he was dying to do, I couldn't do it. I felt as if the moment I did, he'd leave me. All he probably wanted, was my innocence. However, he proved me wrong. Because with the time slowly passing, his gestures were small, but I loved everything he did to, and with me.

"Wow, Kenny." I gasped. "It's beautiful."

"I know. These nights are very rare." he said smiling. "Usually, there's clouds a lot of the time. Are you cold?" he asked.

He had brought me out to Stark's Pond., This was my favorite place to hang out, but I don't know how he knew. I guess Kenny knew a lot about me that even I didn't know. Just like I knew he craved physical contact, he knew I craved emotional closeness to someone. Heck, I wasn't even close to my parents, and they were… well, my parents. The moon was full, and the stars were all out.

"Are you cold, Butter Cup?" he asked again.

"A little." I said truthfully.

Kenny pulled off his orange jacket, and slipped it over me. "Kenny!" I moaned. "What about you?"

"I'm still warm." he said giving me a big smile. "Look."

Under the jacket, he was wearing a comfortable looking sweat shirt. I smiled as he zipped his jacket over me, and pulled the hood over my head. I gasped. I was closer to him than before. I could smell the scent of cheap cologne and weed. The jacket was bigger on me, than even him. The hood covered everything but my eyes.

"You look just like me!" he said laughing. "Hey, Kenny!" he drawled sounding like me again.

"I'm not Kenny!" I moaned trying to make my muffle understood.

"Hey, not Kenny!" he said laughing as he hugged me. "You sound just like me, too." he said reverting back to his normal tone. "Butters, you like my jacket?" he asked.

"I do." I said hastily. I felt safe in the article of clothing. I felt secure. I felt, wrapped in Kenny's love.

"Let's go sit for a while." he said smiling. "Oh, look whose here."

A little ways off, on a separate log farther away from us, sat Kyle and Rebecca. Kyle was busy kissing his girlfriend passionately. He was twisting his fingers through her hair as he kissed her.

"Butters?" Kenny asked. He sounded like he was about to cry.

"Hmmm?" I replied.

"You see them?" he asked. "Kyle really loves her."

"Yeah." I said simply. "Like my mom never loved dad. Or vise-versa."

"You see how he holds her?" Kenny asked gently. "That's how I wanna hold you. That's how much I love you." he confessed.

"Kenny, really?" I asked sarcastically. "Now? Of all times?"

"Yes." Kenny said with tears in his eyes. "I know your mom and dad are unhappy. Like I said before, I know you feel like people always fucked up with you. But you have to understand something, Leopold! I really, mean what I say. I say what I mean, too. And I damn well know, that I really love you. I just…" Kenny tried to stem his now flowing eyes. "I just wish you'd trust me."

Trust him? What was trust anyway? One of the basic emotions a human has. Well, not really an emotion, per sae. It was more like, love. Trust and love are sort of related. Did I trust Kenny? Did I love Kenny? Despite the fact that I'd openly told him I loved him a lot more recently, I felt somehow still awkward.

He led me to an empty tree stump, and we both sat down. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I laid my head against him. He seemed to be thinking hard, and I didn't want to pry. If I did, I knew where our conversation would lead, and I felt unable to talk to him about that right now. What did he want from me, and was this real love he extended to me?

"I love you, Kyle." Rebecca was saying not far from us.

"I love you, too, babe." Kyle replied. "Really. You look beautiful tonight."

"Oh, Kyle!" she squealed. "I love you so much."

Giggling, she kissed him. She wrapped herself around him almost childishly, and they both resumed kissing. I felt sad as I watched them. How long would they stay together, and would it be forever? How long would Kenny remain at my side? If my sickness was discovered, and it was too much for both of us, would he leave?

"Kyle!" I heard Rebecca squeal. "I really love you."

"I had no clue they were going to be here, Butters." Kenny whispered softly. "Sorry if this is so strange for you."

"Kenny?" I asked softly. "I think this is good for both of us. It's making me realize." I said softly. "Maybe I do need to loosen up a little. You know, though, it's going to take me a little while." I muttered. "People have always taken advantage of me, and I feel… different with you."

"How?" Kenny asked. I noticed that tears were steadily flowing on to his chest.

"I feel like a little school girl." I confessed laughing. "I feel like it's too good to be true. You have to understand that. I'm thankful, to you, because you helped me lose my stutter." I said softly.

Nowadays, it only showed itself when I was scared, or when I was confronted by angry parents.

"I'm willing to wait, Leopold." he whispered softly. "I love you with all my heart and soul, and whatever happens, I won't let you go."

I found myself wrapping my arms around my one source of comfort. Ever since I was a child. My one, source of light.

"You know how I keep all my stuff in a little box?" he asked.

"Yeah?" I replied smiling.

"I still have the picture you drew me back when I got sick." he said simply. "When I got some terminal disease thing. Cancer, I think."

"No, Kenny." I corrected. "It was called Muscular Dystrophy." I said smiling.

"Only you, would put a name to something like that." he said as he held me. "I love the way you draw. You should draw me something. What's your strong points?"

He was interested in my drawings? He was interested in art? More importantly, he was interested in my likes.

"I can draw people." I said softly. "I don't like drawing them as much, because their detail has to do with motion." I said simply. "I like drawing flowers, and animals. I draw landscapes." I sighed as I tried to remember what else I could draw. "I can pretty much draw anything if I focus hard enough. If I have the right kinds of tools, I can even draw little stuffs."

Oh, Butters. How come your grammar is so incorrect when you fall apart in Kenny's presence? He doesn't seem to mind, though.

"I would like you to draw me a solar system." he requested. "I don't need it right away, I just would like to have something else, besides only one picture of us two." he said smiling. "That was when I was small." he added.

"I love your eyes. They're so sparkly green." Rebecca's voice carried all the way over to where we were sitting.

"Kenny?" I asked in a whisper.

"Yes?"

"You're not mad at me, are you?" I asked.

"No, Butters." he said knowing me all too well. "I want your first time to be special. Not something like I've done with almost every person whose come in contact with me. No, Leopold. I want our first time to be something special. I want you to mean your I love yous, and I wanna be able to look into your baby blue eyes and say I love you with all the passion I can hold in my heart." he said as he squeezed me.

"I know it's been a while since you've been at your place." I said softly. "Sorry."

"Butters, I'd rather be at your place, than alone at my place. Kevin's taking care of Karen, and for some reason, mom and dad like them, over me. I don't really know, but it might have something to do with the fact that I can't die."

"I love you, even if you can't die." I muttered.

"Me, too, Leopold." he whispered as he pulled my hood back a little and kissed my face.

"Kyle!" Rebecca moaned somewhere far off. "You're so sweet!"

"One day," Kenny said evilly into my ear. "I'm going to have you screaming my name just like she is his."


	9. Hopeless

**Hopeless**

**Kenny**

There was nothing I could do. I dragged Butters to every doctor in town that I could think of. We went everywhere. I was even pressuring him to go into Denver, so we could go and see more people there, that would help us. He was getting worse. His coughing was worse, his itching. He had night sweats, fevers. He was becoming a frail helpless boy. Not his usual, cheerful, optimistic Butters. Because he couldn't see the bright side of this situation. No matter how much he tried to hide it from me.

"You're back again, Mr. Stotch?" the lady droned bitterly. "What seems to be the problem this time?"

"He still has fevers," I cut in as Butters bumped his knuckles nervously. "He still itches badly, he still has all the same things he's had for the last six months."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "Do we really need to expose him to more X-rays?"

"Do what you need to do!" I pleaded. "Just get him to feel better."

"Let me ask you something." she said simply. "Are you liked at school?" she asked.

"Yes!" Butters and I both said.

"Well, then, why the faking? You have to get over this attention seeking, Butters. It's not very healthy, and you're making yourself sick."

"How dare you?" I gasped. "You're a qualified doctor!"

"Look, I've taken countless X-rays!" she said taking out Butter's file folder and setting it on his lap. "I've kept records of everything you've been seen for. Aside from the asthma, there is nothing wrong with you, that I can tell."

"I'm going to prescribe some antidepressants." she said writing a prescription.

"No!" Butters stood up almost dropping all his paper work. "I'm not going crazy! I'm not depressed!" he said angrily. "No!" With that, the boy ran out in tears.

"See what you did?" I growled. "You'll hear from my lawyer, you filthy bitch."

"You're seventeen!" she spat. "You may be his bigger brother, but you have no reason to be rude to your elders, young man."

"I do have a lawyer," I said thinking of Kyle's dad. "And I can be as rude to whoever calls him crazy." I said as I grabbed his folder and walked out.

I ran after my other half as I heard the running feet pounding away at the tiles. Coincidentally, as I ran, I was also running out on the physician's bill. Cool. That visit was worth trash anyway.

I finally caught up with him, and we both got into the car. I was going to take the boy to Denver, if it killed me. Butters was not faking it.

"You believe me?" he asked pleadingly as we both got out of the car and headed into his place. "You don't think I'm crazy, do you?"

"No." I said unable to keep my voice steady. "No, Butters, I don't."

Butters and I made it inside, and I watched him running off and plopping himself down on his couch. The phone rang. He got up and answered it.

"Hello?" he asked. The phone was on speaker.

"Butters!" His dad sounded angry. "I've called twice, young man! Where have you been?"

"I kind of went to the ER." Butters said softly.

"Did you get permission?" he asked.

"I was sick." Butters muttered faintly.

"Don't back talk me, mister! You just wait 'til we get home!" Chris shouted.

"I'll ground myself." Butters said trying to stifle a sob as tears slid slowly down his cheeks.

"No dessert, no school, no TV, no cell phone, accept when we call!" shouted Chris. "Understood?"

"Y-yes, sir." Butters stammered taking in a deep breath as a huge sob threatened to escape his mouth.

"I'll call you tomorrow to check up on you." And with that, the line went dead, and Butters broke down completely.

The blonde put the phone back, and walked slowly away and off upstairs.

"Come back here, Leopold!" I yelled a little angrier than intended.

Butters moaned and came slowly traipsing back. His shoulders were shaking, and tears were steadily flowing down his face. He took in the deepest breaths trying to calm down, but an ocean of tears seemed to have unleashed itself, and the boy couldn't stop crying as he stumbled over to me, and collapsed into my arms.

I took him in my arms, and held him tight. His head fell on to my shoulder as he shook in my grip. I looked into his eyes, and saw for the first time in a long time, a look of complete hopelessness. Right now, he didn't need a lover, he needed a friend. I just hope I could be of any good use to him. Since I myself was only just beginning to be in touch with my more emotional side. Wow, that last sentence was so gay. Oh well, I love Butters, and I would be as gay as I needed to, to get to the boy's heart. Because I truly did love him, so very much.

"I'm sorry, Butters." I whispered softly.

"I'm… s-sick!" he moaned into my shoulder. "I c-could be d-dying, and m-mom and dad wouldn't give a d-darn!" he sobbed. "No one gives!"

"I do." I whispered as I sat there with my trembling friend. "I do, Butters."

"You know, Kenny," he said stopping his sobs to talk clearly as he shook. "I can deal with not being liked by everyone in town. With being a background character at school. I can even deal with all that mom and dad make me put up with. But that doctor back there? She just shoved it completely in my face that I had nothing!" he yelled. "And I almost fell apart back there! Then, to come home and find a very angry phone call from my dad? Gee, that just p-puts the whole frosting on the pile of grease called a cake." he stuttered.

"Butters," I said a little irritated. "When will you-?"

I was about to ask when he'd ever get over this whole, "I'm a loner and have no friends' thing. But then stopped at the realization that it would take a while. Trust wasn't something you could develop over time, and especially in Butters's current situation. So, I bit back the anger threatening to get the best of me.

"Butters," I said changing direction. "You have me. You have me, Butters. I'm willing to die for you. Mortal or not. You know? And I'm going to force you to find out what's wrong, if it kills me."

"I'm so-sorry." he stumbled as he lay in my arms.

"For what?"

"You haven't even been home for who knows how long."

"Your parents left in January, and it's almost April." I said sighing. "So, I'd say, it's pretty much been a little over two-three months. And you don't need to be sorry. As long as you'll have me, and need me." I said softly into the boy's hair. "I'll be."

**Butters**

I couldn't seem to stop crying. Lately, I was always in pain. My head, my body, my soul. I had fevers, night sweats, and probably more that I didn't yet know. One thing held strong. Kenny. He was here, and tangible. I could reach out and touch him. Reach out and hold even just one part of him. His hand, or his arm, or even just lying a hand on his thigh. Those were the small things that reassured me. His last words still echoed in my mind as I lay in his arms crying.

He would be? Really? Kenny, are you sure? This is something I've always wanted. To be liked, by at least one person. Was Kenny for real, or was he too good to be true?

"We'll find whatever's wrong with you, Leopold." he said making me shiver. "We'll find it, and then, you'll feel better."

But what if I didn't? I couldn't think of that now, though. Kenny was right. I had to look at the bright side. I'd feel better soon. This was just a cold, right?

Without thinking, I leaned up and kissed him. I pressed my lips deep into his, and he let out a moan of passion as he wrapped me into an even tighter more soothing hug. I smiled against his lips as the kiss went on.

"I love you." he whispered.

This time, I didn't look away. I looked straight into his eyes as I said the three words I've only said in passing without eye contact. "I love you, too, Kenny."

"We'll figure this out, babe." he reassured. "I promise."

The next questions were so hard to ask, but I asked him anyway as more tears fell from my eyes. "Kenny! How much of what you are saying do you really believe?" I sobbed. "How much more of this soldiering on do you think we can do? … I can do?"

"I think," he said simply. "That you can do it all, Butters. As far as how much of it I believe? I believe it all. We'll solve this, man. We will. And you'll be okay, I promise."

"Whatever happens?" I asked.

"Whatever happens." he said as he bent his head and captured one of my tears in his lips. "Promise."


	10. Eighteen

**Eighteen**

**Butters**

A couple days went by since my run in with the latest doctor. I had about ten different asthma inhalers, several different cough syrups, and a whole lot of other stuff that was supposed to help me cope. None of it was any help at all. Mom and dad kept calling in, and it became increasingly harder to deal with them, so Kenny would pick up and imitate me. It was incredible how much like me he sounded when he tried. He even did that nervous stutter that I was so famous for.

I awoke to find myself trying to itch at the back of my left leg. I was really doing bad today. I looked up at the clock I had on the night stand and saw it was six fifteen. I looked to my left, and saw that empty spot where Kenny was supposed to be. I heard the shower running, and debated on going to join him. I settled on getting up and making breakfast instead. It's been a long time since I felt this hopeful.

"Butter Ball!" Kenny yelled from upstairs as I placed the plates on the table. "Where are you, you little…!"

"Down stairs!" I shouted as my heart thudded fast.

I heard running footsteps, and Kenny came walking in. He had the biggest grin on his face.

"What?" I asked as I put the pitcher of orange juice down.

"Nothing. Oh, hey! You made breakfast?" he asked.

"Why does that have to surprise you?" I pouted.

"It doesn't!" he said hastily. "It's just a sign that you feel a little better today, than yesterday, is all."

"You look cheery." I said smiling back. "What did you dream about? Sex?" I teased.

"Only with you!" he shot back gruffly as he came around to hug me.

The memory of the day we spotted Kyle and Rebecca at Stark's Pond came back to me. I just smiled as I gently hugged him back.

"Really?" he asked a little down. "Is that all you can do? Really?"

"You wanna kiss, too?" I asked kissing him.

"No, Butter Cup." he said laughing as he fully picked me up. I winced at the sudden shift in my physical position. "Be excited about it, at least." he said simply. "Come on, be cheerful about it. You're hugging a McCormick. We're known for our charm. Otherwise mom and dad would already be divorced. No. Dad's irresistible to her, and I would like to be, to you." he said softly.

"Won't I look, gay?" I asked blushing furiously as I thought about how I'd look doing to Kenny what Rebecca and Wendy did to Kyle and Stan.

"Who cares." he grunted as he shifted me to face him. "You can look as gay as you fuckin' want."

I smiled as I gave him a breath taking hug. It showed in his eyes how much he really did like the physical contact. I couldn't help smiling as I rested on him.

"We gotta go eat so we can go to school." I muttered.

School was actually okay today. I found I could pay attention better than before. I didn't know what came over me, and I liked it. Hopefully I was right in assuming that this was a cold, and would go away soon. Kyle came up to me during lunch when I was headed to find Kenny.

"Hey, Butters." he said. Rebecca was clinging daintily to his arm with a bright smile on her face. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, thanks, Kyle." I said grinning at him. "How are you two doing?"

"Good." Kyle said as Rebecca gave me a bright smile. "What are you doing today?" he asked.

"Nothing, why?" I asked.

"I thought you'd be doing something for Kenny's birthday."

My insides disappeared. How have I always forgotten to ask him? He who always knew my birthday, and always wished me happy birthday. How could I not know his birthday?

"He doesn't tell anyone. We have to find out for ourselves." Kyle said simply. "I bet all he does every time you ask him is distract you."

"What do I do?" I asked. "What does he like?"

"Aside from Sex?" said a voice as a pair of people came walking up to us. "Video games, and weed."

It was Stan and Wendy. I smiled as we all headed off. Where could he be?

"So what's the plan?" Kyle asked again.

"Party at my place. Since it's a-."

"No!" Kenny's voice cut in sharply through the crowd as loud as any other noise. I struggled along with my friends to look over and find where his body was, and found him heading straight for us. "Don't you dare, Kyle Broflovski. And you either, Leopold Stotch."

Kyle gave a smirk. "As if you could really do anything." he said laughing. "We'll talk later, Butters." Kyle whispered. "In AP Lit."

Kenny's mood was really sour that hour as girls and guys kept passing him telling him happy birthday. I kept telling him to cheer up, because it was rude to be mean to people who wished you well.

"How does it feel?" a very unwelcomed voice asked as Cartman walked over to us. "To know that this is your eighteenth birthday, and you're still as poor as shit?"

"Shut up, Eric!" I shouted at the boy. "Just because you can't-!"

My sentence was never finished. Several things happened at once. Kenny punched Cartman, Kyle and Rebecca pulled me out of the line of fire, and the bell rang. I managed to stay on my feet, and headed for my locker to get the books for my next two classes.

"So we're… still… doing something?" Rebecca asked taking breaths in between her words. "Right? For Kenny?"

"Yeah!" I said cheerfully. "I just hope he doesn't have a bloody nose or something from Eric."

Time passed by really quickly, and soon, the party was planned. Kenny really didn't like parties so much when it came to his birthday. So, it was just going to be six of us, counting Kenny. Me, Rebecca, Wendy, Stan, and Kyle. Well, until Token and Bebe showed up and I felt like inviting them. Token was a good guy. He liked Kenny.

**Kenny**

Stan came up to me in class just as the bell rang signaling for us to go home. I glared at him. They better not have planned anything.

"Kenny, don't." he said simply. "Butters put a lot of thought into this, and it would really crush him if you were resentful or mean to him."

"He's using you as my distraction, isn't he?" I asked sighing.

"Yeah. Kyle, Token and I are supposed to take you somewhere for a while, so he and the rest of the girls can get things going. Trust me, you're going to like it."

They all took me off to Stark's pond to have a few smokes. Token was a not smoker, but Stan and I were. Kyle and he were getting high second hand, I guess, because they both had strange grins on their faces. I smiled as I sat down. My stomach was hurting badly. I closed my eyes, and took a drag from the joint that Stan handed me.

**Kyle**

I watched as the color drained from Kenny's face. He looked like he was having trouble breathing. Stan put the joint out, and looked at Token and me. He bent down, but Kenny slid down the log, and lay down on the ground.

"Kenny?" Token gasped. "Kenny? You okay, dude?"

But his eyes were closed. All of us gasped as we knelt down in front of our friend. I gently pressed a hand to his forehead, and gasped.

"He's burning up! Stan, Call an ambulance!" I cried. "Stan!"

He was calling an ambulance, as I called Butters. The phone was picked up at the second ring. He sounded cheerful, and I hated myself for ruining his moment.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Butters! Kenny's hurt!" I said.

"How?" he asked as anguish was heard in his voice. "What's wrong? Kenny? What happened, Kyle?" he asked. I could hear his voice crack.

"We don't know, the ambulance is on their way." I said as Stan lingered over the fallen blonde.

"No!" Butters began to cry.

"Kyle?" It was Wendy. Good, she could help the poor boy through the break down. "Kyle, where are you guys?"

"Stark's." I said as I heard sirens. "The ambulance is coming. We're on our way to Hell's pass. Or at least, Kenny and whoever the doctors let in with him."

"I'll go." Token volunteered. "Tell Bebe I'll be there soon, and you can go with Stan back to the house."

So, we all got it together, and watched as Kenny was hoisted up into the ambulance. I could hear Rebecca and Bebe trying to reassure Butters, who was yelling out for Kenny, no doubt in panic and completely lost.

**Token**

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked as the paramedics placed him on the cot.

"I can't tell you that." said the first paramedic.

"Why?" I gasped.

"Because if I tell you yes, and he bites it, you'll be mad. If I tell you no, you'll be mad, too."

"Oh, my god, we're not gonna go through this again!" I moaned.

This dude always gave me grief on a regular basis. Because in South Park, the teenagers here had been taken to the ER more than once. Hell's Pass emergency room was familiar with all of us at least twice.

"Your friend looks like he didn't get to finish his weed." the dude spoke smiling at me. "Want me to pull over, so you can light up for him and finish it off?"

"No!" I shouted as the color in the blonde boy's face drained. "Kenny, can you hear me?" I gasped. "Kenny?"

We made it to Hell's Pass about twenty minutes later. It was the longest twenty minutes of my life. Soon, they were wheeling him into the emergency room, and the doctors and nurses were getting ready to look at him.

"Kenny?" Dr. Adams said sighing. "Oh, boy. Did he get alcohol poisoning again?" he asked as we all watched them drag him away.

"No." I said simply. "We don't know what's wrong with him! He just collapsed on us early on."

Wendy, Rebecca, and Bebe were in the waiting room with Stan, Kyle and Butters. Butters looked hollow and scared. I walked over to them, and waited quietly as the time passed. This was eternity, for all of us.

**Butters**

Kenny, if you die… Kenny, if anything happens to you… I swear I'll… Kenny! Please be okay! Please.

My insides were frozen, and I felt like dying, or disappearing on the spot. I really wanted to scream out, and maybe he'd hear me. Kenny, please, be okay! Today's your birthday! It's supposed to be a good one! Not like this!

"What happened?" I heard someone shout.

I looked up to see a very nice looking doctor coming over to us. He was new, and I didn't really know him very well. I knew a lot of the other doctors, since I'd been here way more than once. Not as a patient for a lot of the trips, but I've been here, no less.

"Well, he had appendicitis." the doctor said coming over to us. "It ruptured, and we almost lost him. He hemorrhaged on me once, and I was almost at a loss for what to do. He's okay, though, and you guys can go see him. Who is Butters?" he asked.

His lab coat was covered in…

"Is that Kenny's?" I asked as tears filled my eyes.

"Yes, that is his blood. I'm sorry you have to see this, it's kind of gross." he said simply. "Which one of you is Butters?" he repeated his unanswered question.

"I am." I said bumping my knuckles nervously.

"He's asking for you. You can all go in, if you'd like."

We followed the unfamiliar doctor through the halls and into the room that was now in the recovery section of the hospital. Kenny was lying on the bed, white as snow. He looked fragile, and frail. I stared at him. His eyes opened, and he met my gaze.

"Leopold." he whispered smiling. "Hey."

There wasn't a tearless eye in the place. Even the doctor was crying silently as he saw my boyfriend lying on the cot. He looked angelic somehow. He looked, strange. He looked, Kenny.

"We'd touch you, but we don't wanna hurt you." Stan said through a soft sob.

"You can hug my head." Kenny said brightly with a grin.

Bebe bent down and gently hugged his head. Followed by Token. Kyle and Rebecca paid their respects as well. I stepped up to him, and bent my head down. He captured a few stray tear drops in his lips as he smiled at me.

"Butters." he said smiling. "Don't cry, baby. It's okay. I'm so-."

"Do-don't!" I sobbed. "Don't be sorry, Kenny! It's going to be okay!" I sobbed.

"Yes, it is." he said smiling. "After all, it's just my appendix. And if I die," he said into my ear. "I'll just be back tomorrow."

"Don't!" I said as a wave of anguish hit me.

"How are you feeling, son?" asked the doctor as he peered at my boyfriend somberly.

"I'm doing fine. The pain is gone, and I feel a lot better. Are the stitches safely in place?" he asked.

"Yes, Kenny." he said wiping tears from his own face. "They're all right. I only had to make one small cut, and I stitched you up quite good. I bandaged it, in case. However," he said as he saw my face. "It will be fine. I'm a very damn good doctor if I do say so myself."

"Kenny?" I gasped. "When?"

"Whenever you feel better, Son." the doctor said reading my mind. "When the pain is gone, and you feel you can stand, you are welcome to go home."

"I've never seen you before." Kenny said smiling as he placed a hand under the sheets and fingered his bandage. "Are you new?"

"No. I'm covering for one of the doctors here. I work in Denver."

I saw a look cross Kenny's face, but it was unreadable, and I couldn't really pinpoint what it meant.

"You guys," Kenny said smiling at us. "Thank God tomorrow's Saturday."

"Right." Token said sadly. "Anyway, he'll be let out tomorrow?" Token asked.

"Yep. Tomorrow in the afternoon. He'll be okay, for now." the man said sighing.

"Butters, are you coming with us?" Kyle said softly.

"No." Kenny spoke simply. "I'd like him to stay here. I don't like what happened today, with Cartman, and I'm not going to let him stay home alone."

"Is it okay?" I mumbled. "I mean, I probably shouldn't be here."

"You can stay the night." Adams said smiling at us. "My shift ends at five in the morning, and I'm in charge of the whole place, covering for one of the others. I'll let you stay, Butters."

"Sorry." I muttered.

"Don't apologize, Butters." Kenny and the doctor both said in unison.

"It's fine." Adams said smiling. "Don't worry."

Soon, I was sitting beside him as the door closed. The doctor said he'd be back to check on Kenny as soon as he made his rounds. Kenny reached out and took my hand in his rough worn one.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I should be asking you." I said softly. "Are you okay?"

"This is nothing. Worse has happened to me." he said smiling. "I wonder if they'll test my blood. Hopefully not, because I had just smoked a few." he said smiling. "Cheer up, Butter Cup." he said laughing. "Come down here, so I can have a kiss." he requested.

"No." I mumbled. "Kenny, it's bad."

"No, Leopold." he said softly. "It isn't."

A very sweet look came over his face as he smiled at me. "Come down, and kiss me, please!" he pleaded. "Just once."

I bent down and one of his arms gently rested across my back as my lips pressed into his. He let out a gasp as I lay half on him. He smiled against my lips as his tongue brushed my bottom lip. I slowly opened and he gently slid in.

"Mmmmmm!" I couldn't stop the moan that escaped my lips into his mouth as I felt my heart do cart wheels. No one in my almost eighteen years of life had ever made me feel so loved. So, warm, and comfortable. Kenny.

"I love you, Kenny." I pleaded as I lifted off of him. "I love you."

"I love you, too." he said softly. "Always."


	11. Shadows

**Shadows**

"Do you mind if I turn off the lights? They kind of bother me."

"No, Butters." I said melting at the way his name sounded as I dared speak it. "Go ahead."

The whole group of people had left only ten minutes ago. The doctor came in to change my bandages. They had stayed for a little over two hours giving me a little bit of a birthday party. I had a milk shake, seeing as the doctor thought it best to avoid food for a bit.

Now, Butters and I were alone. I noticed, that the air was filled with something like sadness, or anguish. Was he afraid for me? He shouldn't be, because I was fine.

"Need anything?" he asked from beside me.

"Water." I said as I moved a little. "I feel so thirsty all of a sudden."

I pushed the blankets aside, and sat up. I let out a terrible yell as the pain shot through me. "Better reclining!" I yelled. "Better, reclining!"

Butters's thin arms wrapped around me, and he laid me gently back down. I felt a tear drip on to my cheek. I looked at his face, and sure enough, it was wet.

"Oh, don't!" I said pulling him down to hold part of him. "No, Leopold. Don't cry, love." I said softly as my hand wiped tears from his face. "No, Butter Cup! Don't cry."

"Kenny?" he whispered softly. "You don't believe that lady back there, do you?" he asked. "You don't believe I'm Anorexic?"

That had been one of the other claims that they'd made against him. That he was psychologically challenged, anorexic, depressed. No. None of those things were true. Because as long as I've known Leopold Butters Stotch, he's always been cheerful. He's always been bright, and always animated. He was not crazy, he was not depressed, and if he was, he didn't need drugs to manage it. Because he had me. I'd do anything to see that smile of his. Anything to make him laugh that laugh that I didn't even know what it sounded like anymore. I gasped.

"What?" he asked.

Oh, wow. Had I gasped out loud? "What, Kenny?" he asked frantic.

"I don't remember what you sound like when you laugh anymore." I said softly.

I felt a sharp pain as he slapped me gently on the chest.

"What?" I asked a little hurt.

"You're a dork." he muttered.

"For someone who doesn't cuss, you sure have a bad mouth today." I observed smiling.

"How?" he asked.

"Dork means whale balls, Butters." I said snickering.

"Eeeeww!" he moaned. "How do you know?"

"It's called, dictionary." I said clearing my throat.

When Butters had gone to make sure the group of people all made their way out okay, I took the time to talk to Dr. Adams alone. I know what you're thinking. No, he is not the guy from the planetarium. You know, I died during that time.

Dr. Adams told me where he was located, and he took Butters's file folder, and told me he'd pour over the information inside. I trusted him. I trusted that he would put everything together, and find out what was causing Butters to lose sleep, to worry, to feel bad.

… … … … …

They had let me out of the hospital the day after, and I could move around with minimal to no pain. Thankfully, it was spring break and I didn't have to worry about school. Butters did me the favor of driving us both back to his place. Well, no. He drove us to my place, so I could get a few more outfits to wear.

"Kenny!" Karen shouted as she spotted me walking through the door. "Where have you been? Rumor has it you went to the hospital?" she asked.

"Yep." I said stretching out my arm to the fourteen year old and showing her my bracelet, which I hadn't taken off yet. Obviously.

"What happened?" she asked coming over and giving me a very gentle hug.

"Appendix rupture." I said wincing at how awful that actually sounded.

"Whoa!" said a deep voice. "Can I see the scar?"

Kevin came walking in and also greeted me warmly. I didn't know if I should ask where mom and dad were at this point. I don't know if it was because we were related, but Kevin seemed to be reading my mind.

"Kitchen." he said simply. "They're both miraculously sober."

"Sure." I said nodding at his question and answer.

I pulled my shirt up a little and slid my jeans down to reveal the little mark on the side of my abdomen. Karen winced, and Kevin ran a finger through it wincing as he did.

"Did you get to keep it?" he asked. "I'd bet you ten bucks you can't eat the thing, Kenny."

"They didn't let me keep it, you fuckturd." I said bitterly. "Gross."

"Kenny?" said a voice. "Kenny, where the hell have you been?"

"With my boyfriend." I said truthfully.

I spent about a half hour with mom and dad. Kevin had everything under control. The twenty-year old had gone and done something with his life after high school. Even if he did only go to a cheap Denver Community college. At least he did something.

I got what I came for, and left the place. I told them I'd be back later. They begged for me to keep in touch, and I said yes.

I got back out and back into the car, to find Butters asleep at the wheel. Oh, man. The doctor had advised me not to drive, but hey. I've felt worse pain than what I feel now. So, here I go.

I managed to shift the boy on to the passenger seat, and it took me fifteen minutes to do this. Kevin came out to see what was the matter, and I told him things were good. He offered to drive me, but I said no. It was okay. Soon, I was driving.

… … … … …

Butters went to appointment after appointment with Dr. Adams. They seemed to really click. Adams saw the urgency in me, and Butters to try and find out what was wrong. He took blood samples, took loads of CT scans, and MRI'S. He took all kinds of tests that the others never bothered to take.

"I think we're almost there, dude." Adams said a month after we'd all met. "I just need one little piece of the puzzle solved. Okay, two." he said shifting a little. "Do you have a history of pneumonia?" he asked.

"No." Butters replied sighing. "I'm not an asthma patient either."

"Yeah, I didn't think so. Ever been on life support?" he asked.

"No."

"That's strange."

Adams took out that familiar manila folder, and rifled through the paper work. He took out a couple X-rays, and showed Butters and I what he noticed.

"His heart has literally been shifted way out to the right. Something is causing this to happen, and we need to figure it out. It could be fatal."

I instantly looked over at my blonde, and saw his breath hitch in his throat. I didn't see a surprised look in his face, though. His eyes told me that he pretty much expected that.

"There is a haze over his left lung that I can't pinpoint why it's there." he informed. "What we're going to have to do, is an exploratory surgery."

That sent Butters into a nervous fit. He mashed his knuckles together, and his face was really white. "S-surg-surgery?" he gasped. "As in, c-cutting me open?" he stammered.

"I'm afraid so. There are certain levels of certain cells that indicate a tumor."

"K-Kenny!" Butters gasped. "D-dude!" he squealed. This is not happening. No way.

"I'm sorry, buddy." Adams said softly. "I know how much this must be messing you up. We need to get to the bottom of this soon, so that we can get you to feel better again."

Butters hadn't felt, better, in way too long. There were times when he could barely even open doors for himself, the poor guy. There were times when he couldn't even make it from one class to another. Yet, he still kept trying. His voice broke through my thoughts as I remembered everything he'd been through.

"So, what happens now?" he asked.


	12. Peace

**Peace**

**Kenny**

April passed swiftly. Butters kept on going to school. It was apparent that he was falling apart, and no one could help him. His appointment was in May with Adams, and they were scheduled to do the surgery then. He was afraid. The night before the surgery, I took him to Stark's Pond. It was my Butter Cup's favorite place to hang out. I was slightly relieved that there was no Kyle or Rebecca there with us.

I took his hand in mine, and we strolled off arriving within ten minutes. I looked over at him, and saw the worry and sadness in his face.

"I wish I could do something for you, love." I confessed. "I feel so useless-."

"Kenny, you are not useless." Butters said squeezing my hand. "You've been nothing but a source of comfort to me since we were kids. I'm so glad you're with me." he said as we both walked over to a log, and sat down.

"Hey." I said simply. "Are you doing okay?" Wow, Kenny. That was the lamest question. Ever. In the history of lame shit you have ever said.

As always, Leopold Butters Stotch was bright, and optimistic. "Yeah." he said with a big grin. "I'm gonna be okay." he said smiling back at me.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Naw." he said scooting over to me and wrapping an arm around my waist. "I'm lyin'." he said snuggling close to me. "My mom and dad are gone, I, could die, and I'm alone and helpless."

I pulled him into my arms and sat him on my lap. He undid himself from me, and wrapped his arms around my neck this time. He leaned into me and kissed me. I couldn't help melting into him. I loved when he showed dominance over me for once.

"I won't go anywhere, Butter Scotch." I said resting my forehead against his. "I'll always be there for you when you need."

"Thanks." he said smiling. "Ken?"

"Huh?"

"You think I'll be better by the time mom and dad come back?" he asked.

"Yeah. Why?"

"I might get grounded." he muttered.

"The hell you will." I said sighing. "Let's get our own place." I blurted. "I'll get a job, and we can manage."

Butters looked shocked. "Our, our own, place?" he gasped. "What?"

I could tell instantly that I'd said the wrong thing. He looked like he wanted to shrink away from me. Or something.

**Butters**

What could go wrong? Right? I mean… Adams said that I would be cured, sooner than later. What if it was fatal? What if I was already dead? Kenny wanted to get our own place. What if he left me when I found out what was happening to me? What if I had something wrong with me that made him leave the moment I found out what was wrong?

"Butters?" he said simply. "Butters? Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. Sure." I said slowly. "Let's sleep on it."

We sat on the log kissing for what felt like hours. Soon, I felt like yelling out to him to stop. I pulled quickly away.

"Kenny?" I gasped. "Take me home." I whispered. "Please, Kenny!"

Kenny flinched visibly. "Are you okay? Did I do-?"

"Kenny, please!" I begged. "I really, really, want you to make love to me!"

Did I really just say that? I felt strange. My stomach was full of butter flies, and my pants tented slightly as I lay there. It's not like Kenny and I hadn't done it before. We'd been together for a long time, and it took me the better part of six months to get to third base with him. But now, I felt strange.

Tomorrow I'd be going under the knife, and my boyfriend would be who knows where. I didn't even know if it was the last time I'd be able to hold him. The last time I'd be able to breathe. I needed him. I wanted him.

"Butters?" he gasped. "R-really?" he stuttered.

"Yes." I whispered. "Kenny, I need you!"

Kenny picked me up in his arms, and I expected him to run for it. I expected him to haul our asses back to my place, because I knew how much he also wanted this as much as I did. But Kenny took his time.

I wrapped my arms around his neck gently as we rounded a street corner. He smiled as he gently kissed my cheek.

"I'm Mysterion, Butter Cup. You can squeeze the shit out of me. I have more strength than you think, and honestly, with your current situation, I think you have less power than you think." he said smiling.

"You promise?" I asked confused.

"Try me."

As we kept on going, he hoisted me up into him a little bit more so I wouldn't fall off. I snuggled into him, and I laid my head against his shoulder. He felt warm, and comfortable, and he felt loving, and I needed this so much.

I flinched as he put me down in front of my stoop, and I took the key out of my pocket. I opened the door, and I walked in. He walked in behind me, and closed the door. We both didn't know what to do.

"Honestly, Leopold," Kenny said in a low husky tone similar to the one he uses when he's about to cry. "I would love for this to be special for you, and all, but I can't really wait."

"I can't either." I said as I dragged him to the couch.

I started kissing his face. It was amazing. This feeling I had inside me glowed warm, and fiery. I loved it. I kissed him, called out his name. I wanted him.

He pulled off my jacket, and threw it on to an arm chair. He pulled off my shirt and did the same thing. He quickly started undressing himself, and soon, both of us lay on the couch holding tight to one another. I felt strange. I felt like loving him like it was the last time. As if tomorrow was my death. As if this was my last.

"Kenny!" I moaned. "I love you!"

"Me too, Leopold." he moaned as he kissed me passionately.

**Kenny**

I held my lover in my arms as I flipped him gently over. I got off the couch, and knelt down in front of him. I leaned down and took his seven inches into my mouth. He let out a moan as I started sucking on him. How the hell did I manage to live sixteen years without my Butter Cup? How did I even function without his touch, his sweetness, before? He tasted so fucking delicious. That sweet familiar soprano sounded so delightful as he called out to me.

"Yes, Kenny! More!" he moaned. "Please, Kenny! More!" he pleaded. "Oh, gawd! Oh, gawd! Kenny!" he gasped. "Kenny, please! Oh, my, Gawd!"

The blonde was writhing as I sucked him hard. He was writhing below me, and holding my head in place as he pressed his hardness into my face. I let out a big moan as he exploded into my mouth. I held a tiny bit of his seed in me, and I lifted off of him.

"Wanna try?" I asked still holding his essence in my mouth.

"Yes." he said smiling darkly at me. "Yes, I do."

I gently leaned over his face, and kissed him. My lips pressed against those lush strawberry flavored ones. He forcefully parted my lips with his gentle tongue and licked at my insides. I saw his eyes fall closed as he took his seed out of my mouth. He let out a big moan.

"Kenny." he said smiling. "That was awesome. Now, it's your turn."

"Ha! No?" I said simply. "No, Butter Cup. It's okay."

"No, it's not. I wanna make you feel the way you did." he said holding my head in his hands. "Please, will you let me?" he asked.

We both started wrestling, and he finally won. He was straddling me as we both coupled on the couch.

"Kenny?" he said softly as he took my throbbing organ in his left hand. "I'm going to suck you off." he teased as he stroked me. "Yeah?" he asked as he bent down and kissed me.

"Mmm hmm." I said through our kiss.

He gently bit at my bottom lip as I started to shiver a little. "Can you just feel it, Kenny?" he asked in that sweet soprano. "Can you just feel it? My mouth wrapping wantonly around you. Can you just feel?" he asked.

"Yes." I said against his lips as he kissed me again.

He knelt down in position, and started licking up and down my shaft. I moaned as my hands came to rest on his thin bony shoulders. I couldn't stop whimpering and moaning as he sucked. He was really doing a good job.

"Buh, Butters!" I moaned. "Ugh, Butters!" I gasped as he made me raise my back with the feeling. "Aw, man! Butters! Butter Cup, I'm really close!" I moaned.

Suddenly, a light bulb clicked on inside me, and totally ruined my almost orgasm. Butters probably was scared shitless of doing this. After all, we'd only done this a few times, and he's only just jacked me off. He was doing this to try and please me. So as not to leave his side. I had to get my message across to the blonde boy. I was not going to leave him, and I really truly meant everything I said, and every gesture that made him fall apart with glee was true. I loved him so much, and I'd never do anything to intentionally hurt him.

"Slowly, Butters!" I said through an almost sob. His lips felt so damn good! "Slower, sweetness." I gasped.

**Butters**

Sweetness? Really? No one has ever said that to me! Sweetness? Kenny was one of a kind. Kenny was mine. I didn't know if I should obey or just bring him off as I lay on him, holding his hard joystick in my mouth. He tasted so sweet, and wonderful. He tasted so marvelous. I slurped and hummed slightly trying to make vibrations from my throat stir him to a further arousal. He winced a little and bucked his hips up to meet my mouth shoving himself deeper into my throat. I licked his balls around in my mouth gently, and he let out a gasp.

"Bu-Butters!" he moaned. "Butters, oh, man! Please! Don't stop, babe! Don't! Stop! Butters!"

My mouth was full of Kenny soon after. He screamed out as loud as I've ever heard him scream as we both lay there. I smiled as I lay there swallowing every drop. Kenny tasted sweet, and lovely. I wanted so much more than this. I knew that this was enough, though.

"Butters." he whispered as I lifted off of him. "Oh, man. That was fuckin' awesome." he moaned. "Fuckin' sweet! Oh, Butter Cup."

He grabbed me forcefully by the shoulders, and pulled me up to lay atop him. I snuggled up to him, and pressed my hands gently to his chest. I could feel his strong heartbeat. I could feel his chest rising up and down fast as he tried to calm himself. He kissed me deeply, and I melted. My stomach felt so messed up. Wow, Kenny! I couldn't believe my friend since pre-school, was making me feel this way. Making me lose my senses every time I was near him. Forget how to breathe when he touched me. When he said Leopold in that special way that only he did. Or when, he called me Butter Scotch, or Butter Cup. Or even such a corny name as Butter Ball.

"I love you so much." he said softly. "I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally, Butter Cup." he said softly with a plead in his voice. "You don't have to try and make me feel anything. You don't have to please me, Butters! Or to do anything you don't want to, so that I'd love you more. I already love you so much more than you'll ever know." Kenny gently claimed my mouth with his. I smiled against his lips as his tongue caressed mine. He ran his fingers through my hair, and I smiled. I really wanted to be just like Rebecca and Kyle. I wanted to squeal like Rebecca did. Because Kenny made me melt all over. Made my heart do strange dances that I couldn't explain. Made me go crazy just by looking my way when he passed by, or saying hi after I got to school after a big grounding.

"Let's go to bed, love." he said softly as he sat up and picked me up. "Come on."

We both walked off upstairs, and into my room. He put me down, and I stumbled around putting on a pair of briefs, and a white T. He had on a red T-shirt that went down to his knees, and laughed as I looked him up and down.

"Ken?" I asked as we both got into the little twin bed.

"Hmm?"

"Will you h-h-hold me?" I whispered.

"Yes." he said pulling me gladly into his arms. "Yes, baby. Anything."

I felt fine for once. For the first time in a long time, I felt okay. I felt so nice in my best friend's arms. That's what Kenny was. My best friend. My whole world. He was everything for me.

"Kenny?" I asked after the third time I awoke that night. "Do you really believe that I'll be okay?"

"Yes, Butter Scotch." he said smiling at me in the moon light. "I do. You know why? Because you're strong, and Lord knows it." he said kissing me. "You're strong, and you'll be fine. You're an angel. God doesn't kill his Angels."


	13. Whatever Happens

**Whatever Happens**

I didn't know what to do as school let out. I told Kyle, Stan and Token everything. I had them all in at least one class today, and I told them what was happening. I felt so alone, and so much older than the measly eighteen years old that I am. My boyfriend was going into surgery, and possibly would not make it. And this time, it was different. This time, he couldn't come back. He's not immortal.

"Are you going to be okay, Kenny?" Kevin asked as he came walking into the hospital with me.

"Hey, how did you know I'd be here?" I asked.

"Well, funny thing about South Park. It's really small. Every person within that area knows that Butters is sick and being prepped for surgery." he said simply. "Wait for the people to start pouring in. Dr. Adams is nice, though. I mean, doing it over here, in Hell's Pass."

"I know." I said softly as my heart thudded slowly in my chest. "Thanks for coming, Kevin."

"Yeah. Hey, I'm gonna go get some food. Want anything? My treat."

"Naw. Maybe later. If your offer still stands." I said softly.

"It's there when you need it, kid." he said as he walked out of the waiting room.

Just then, Dr. Adams came walking over to me. I heard footsteps behind him, and saw Butters walking behind him. He had a frightened look on his face, almost pleading. He was wearing a turquoise hospital gown, and shivering a little.

"We're getting ready for the anesthesiologist." he said simply. "Butters has a room now, and we're ready to go. Join us, will you?" he asked. "I'm sure you're allowed to be in there while he's being put to sleep."

Put to sleep? I almost cried as I followed a shivering Butters, and a confident Adams to a room prepped for my boy to be put under. Put to sleep? It sounded like he was a dog and they were going to kill him! Put to sleep?

"Hey, Kenny?" Butters said smiling as he fell into step beside me. He looked vulnerable, and sad. "Remember when we drove our parents out of town by saying the M word?" he asked smiling gleefully at me.

"Yeah." I said smiling. "I got sacrificed."

"Yeah. I fell apart." he muttered as he reached over and took my hand.

We both walked in with Adams, and I stared at the room. I sighed.

"This will be where it all happens?" I asked.

"No, Kenny." he said sighing. "Unfortunately, no. He will be put to sleep, and taken to the operating table on the other side of the hospital."

"Oh." I said sadly as my heart dropped a little more.

"You ready to go, pal?" It was a female nurse with a tray in her hands. I wondered if she was the anesthesiologist. "You okay?"

"Yeah!" Butters said in his usual cheerful soprano. "I'm doin' great! I finally get to find out what's goin' on with me!" he said smiling. "Don't look at me like that, Kenny!" he said laughing a little. "I'm going to be okay!"

"I know you will." I said trying not to stumble or stammer on the words. "I'm so sure you'll be fine."

I watched as Butters was fitted with an IV. I winced as the needle poked and hit home in his arm. I almost wanted to push them all away, and make this okay for him. I stared straight at him as they filled him up with drugs. He smiled happily at me. Too happily. He reached out, and I took his hand.

"Kenny?" he asked smiling back at me. "Can you do me a favor?" he asked.

"What?" I asked as my voice cracked.

"I'd like you to be the last face I see when I fall asleep." he requested. "And the first I see when I wake up."

"Okay." I said looking at the doctor and nurses.

"That is doable." Adams said smiling. "Kenny will be here when you fall asleep, and when you wake, Butters. Promise."

"Whatever happens, Kenny." he said softly as his eyes began to droop. "Don't let go."

"Whatever happens." I said as the said Michael Jackson song came into my mind. "I promise."

"If I don't make it-?"

"You'll make it." I said smiling brightly at my other half. "You'll make it, and there's not a damn thing going to be wrong with you." I lied.

"Yeah, but if-?"

"Leopold, you'll be fine." I said sternly.

"Kenny, please!" he pleaded. "If I don't make it, promise me you won't forget me."

"I swear. But you can't say any of that. You'll make it, and you know it." I said strongly. "You'll be fine."

"I love you, Kenny." he said smiling back glossily at me. That was so not a Butters smile.

"I love you, too." I said trying not to cry as I bent down and kissed his soft lips. "Always."

Butters smiled as I looked into his eyes, and he smiled that strange unfamiliar drug smile back at me. Soon, his eyes fell shut, and his heart monitor stopped.

"You killed him!" I yelled as I straightened up and my body froze.

"No, I didn't kill him." Adams said as he placed an oxygen mask over my love's face. "He's simply reacting to the medicine. His muscles will shake, and jerk, and his breathing will stop at times. That's why his breathing stopped, and the life support is necessary. Kenny, you need to go wait in the waiting room. We're going to wheel him to the operating room now."

"How long will it take?" I asked softly. "Don't lie, Dr. I just want the truth to whatever I ask."

"It may take anywhere from four to eight hours." he said sighing. "And yes, there is a possibility he may die."

"How?" I asked as my tears fell from my eyes.

"He may react wrong to the medicine, or may fall prey to the stress his body will go through. But you know, son, this is a very rare thing to happen. I'm hoping he'll be fine. I know he'll be fine. We can't think that way about Butters. He's strong."

"What exactly are you looking for?" I asked wiping tears from my eyes.

"I'm looking for masses, tumors, any abnormalities. We will use cameras to guide us through your friend, and see where things are blocked, or displaced." he said smiling. "I'll come get you when the operation is done. Okay? Don't worry about a thing."

I couldn't hold back the tears as I watched them haul my boyfriend away. Butters looked so broken. So helpless, fragile, and everything else you can think of that just wasn't a good omen. He looked, dead already. I stepped out of the room, still crying as I walked over to the waiting room.

"He'll be fine, Kenny." a voice said as I sat down on the bench. "He'll be fine."

I couldn't shake the fear that gripped my soul. I couldn't get the image of Butters lying on the cot being wheeled away out of my head. If he had speech capability, I'm sure he would've cried out. In that unique soprano that only Butters had. He was so much like a girl.

He was small for his age, and only stood at about five four. In order from tallest to smallest, it was Stan and I at a good five eleven, and Kyle, only a head shorter than us. Butters was small, and thin. He was a little less broad than me, and a little bit less slim. Years of improper meals and physical wear on me had left me still too thin, yet with a little muscle to my name. My lungs bore the signs of a two year long battle with weed, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. This is why I felt so afraid as I imagined my little Butters lying up on the bed, with several needles in him. I felt a hand grip my thigh, and I turned to see Kyle sitting still beside me.

"Everything will be okay."

"Oh, I know." I said simply. "It's just, you should've seen him, Kyle." I whispered. "And his mom and dad aren't even here! That's the worst part. I know my mom and dad hardly give two shits about me, but facing shit on my own is cool when I know they're at least sitting in the background. His parents are who knows where, and maybe will ground him if they find out he came to the doctor without permission."

I told Kyle about the call Butters had gotten not too long ago. By the end of my story, someone had sat down on my right, and the bench had shifted. I looked, and saw it was Rebecca.

"We're all here for you, Ken." Kyle said as she nodded. "Everyone of us. You and Butters."

"How, long did he say, it would take?" Rebecca asked breathing in between a few phrases.

"Four to eight hours." I said simply. "I'm not sure I can wait that long."

Yet, I did. Somehow, I managed not to kill myself as I paced the waiting room, like an animal. People kept coming in and out. Some unfamiliar, some I just couldn't take the time to really care about. I felt so incredibly hollow inside.

The smells of soap, cleaning supplies, antiseptic medicines, and latex didn't soothe me either. I hated this place. I'd been here so many times before being treated for one injury or another. Now, all I could do, was wait.

"Leopold," I said softly to myself in the now empty room. "Be strong, kid. I know you can make it. I'm counting on you. Way too much." I realized as I stood pacing the room. "Be strong, man."


	14. Flash Back

**Flash Back**

It had been a very sullen Friday the thirteenth. I hated these days, because I always died. Some way or another, luck was never on my side. It started off okay. I met up with Butters and the rest at the bus stop. Well, not exactly. I was passing by his house, on my way to the stop, when Butters came running out. He looked irritated, but assumed a cheerful face as soon as he saw me.

"Accidentally over slept." he said as he ran to catch up with me. "I hate today. I'm not all that superstitious, but there's something about these days." he said as we walked.

"I know what you mean." I had said as the fog hung in the air. "Colorado is not all that great of a place for sun in the mountains, but there's something fuckin' creepy about fog today." I muttered as the mist hung in the air.

"Kenny!" Butters grabbed me forcefully, and we both tipped backward on to the grass as the semi-truck sped by, rolling over the place where I'd been only seconds before. He was going way over the speed limit. I realized I'd just fallen on top of Butters, bag and all.

"God, Butters! Are you okay?" I asked as I got up and pulled him up with me. "Oh, man! I am so sorry, man!" I moaned. I pulled back my hood so he didn't have to try figuring out my muffle. "Butters? Did I hurt you?" I asked.

"No." he said as I helped him brush grass and a little bit of dirt off his turquoise jacket. "Don't worry, Kenny." he said smiling. "I've been hurt way worse."

Butters had saved me. It wasn't that big of a deal, because if I did die, I'd just come back. But I felt so strange. I felt even more pleasure at seeing him relieved to know that I was safe, and not killed. I felt like I had felt that day when he saw me in the shower, and I saw a priceless look on his face. Butters cared about me. He actually cared what happened to me.

The day was normal, and I made it all the way through my classes. There was a higher power out there bent on killing me, because the strangest things kept on trying to happen to me. I managed to stay away from them all, but I still couldn't forget about how he'd saved my ass today in the morning. I couldn't.

I made my way to Stark's Pond, trying to see if maybe my luck would turn into something worth using, and I would find Butters. I waited for a while to see if I saw any sign of him. I smoked a joint or two, and heard familiar footsteps. It wasn't Butters. It was Tammy Warner. One of my old girlfriends.

"Hey, Ken." she said smiling down at me as she came over. "How are things?"

"Good. You?" I asked.

"Good." Tammy smiled as she leaned down to kiss me. I gave her a small slap on the arm, and she giggled, pressing her lips to mine. I smiled into the kiss as I stood up.

"Kenny!" I heard someone moan as I pulled away from the girl and gently slapped her playfully.

I turned to the source of the noise, and saw a shadow running off. I caught a glimpse of a familiar back as he ran through the grass.

"Butters!" I yelled. "Come back! Butters!"

I talked with Tammy for a little longer, and she finally left. I hoped for my own sake, and his, that Leopold would come back. I needed to talk with him. I knew all about his feelings, and I couldn't say I wasn't interested. God must've been on my side and Butters did show up again. He was trying not to cry as he came walking over. He spotted me, and tried to run back. I could see the unwelcome in his face as I called to him, and his eyes were glaring at my chest. He couldn't look me in the face.

"Go-go away, Kenny." he stammered as he tried to stand up to me.

"Not until you tell me what's the matter." I said not backing down. "What happened?"

"What's the matter?" I asked again after a while. He still refused to look at me.

"I'm just-just trying to hide." he said bitterly. He couldn't keep his tears from showing. "M-mom and dad just k-kicked me out of m-my house, and I'm just-just trying to hide." he said without lifting his head. "Can you p-please leave me al-alone?" he asked sighing.

"That wouldn't be very nice of me." I said softly reaching out and taking his face in my hands. I lifted it up to look at me.

"Butters," I said trying not to sound stern. "Look at me. Open your eyes, and look at me."

"I don't nee-need to." he said softly. "I really don't w-wanna talk to you right n-now, Kenny. Please. Just let go of my face, and let go of me. I don't w-wanna, be your friend anymore."

I felt a strange stab of pain run down my spine, and I flinched away from the boy. My hands went to my sides as I stared him down quizzically. What was going on here? He opened his eyes, but stared down at my hands, and chest.

"Will you just tell me what I did to you that was so bad?" I asked softly as my own eyes stung. Ugh. Kenny doesn't cry. "If it's about the god damned Shuriken-!"

"Forget about the darned Shuriken!" Butters yelled. His voice echoed strangely around the pond. "Just leave me alone!"

"Butters, you are going to tell me what happened, if it's the last thing you do." I said in Mysterion's voice. I reached over and grabbed him gently again. "Turn around and face me, Chaos. Or are you scared?"

"I don't wanna play." he begged. "Just let me go. I have to be getting home now, I'll be grounded." he predicted sadly.

"Tell me, what the hell is wrong." I said still in Mysterion's voice. I caught him off guard, and spun him to face me, trapping him in my grip again. "I want to help."

"You can't." he said softly. "Just forget about it, and let go of me."

"Butters, please look at me." I said in my normal voice. "Just look up, and look at me." I pleaded. "Please! I'm not trying to be mean, I just wanna know what happened to you. I saw you earlier and tried-"

"Kenny!" he interjected. "Just let go of me!" At this point, tears really began to flood his cheeks.

Oh, God. My heart was breaking at the sight of him. My stomach did a strange squirm as I spotted him crying. "Oh, God!" I couldn't stop the next flood of words from coming out of my mouth. "Please don't cry! I feel sick when you start crying, Butters! I feel upset, and I can't breathe."

He looked up at me with tear filled eyes. I stared right into his beautiful baby blue ones. The ones that so often reassured me when I found myself in a tight spot, and he had the optimism to keep going. I spotted hurt in his eyes. I spotted jealousy. I spotted sadness, and lust. Or, maybe, love?

"Leopold Butters Stotch!" I said as a really huge smile crept over my face. "Are you, jealous of Tammy?" I asked.

"No!" he sobbed as tears fell on to the snowy grass. "I hate my mom and dad! I hate you! I hate everyone! Please, Kenny! let go of me!" he pleaded. "Please!"

"Butters?" I whispered softly looking into his eyes. "Would a kiss make you feel better?"

"No!" he sobbed as he pushed against me, trying to push me away.

"Today is Friday the thirteenth, Butters. I always die around this time." I said softly. "And I know as well as you do, that you are the only one who remembers my deaths."

It was true. Ever since I can remember, after I died, he was always relieved to see me the next day. He's always extra glad to see me after a death, and especially after one whose events he witnessed. He fell to pieces when I appeared again after my bout of Muscular whatever. He'd told me what it was called, but I really found I just liked calling it a terminal illness.

"Kenny, let go of me!" Butters was crying fully now as I held him.

"No." I said simply. "You know Tammy is nothing to me. If you didn't stay long enough to see, I slapped her away when she did that. I don't like Tammy anymore."

"Kenny, you liar!" Butters moaned as a new sob escaped his lips. "You screw anything with a pulse! If a raccoon was the only thing around, you'd screw it, too!" he predicted solemnly. He was still trying to push away from me, but I couldn't, wouldn't, didn't let him go.

"Butters, I know how you feel." I said softly as I held his body close. "I was there, when you saw me in the shower nine months ago. You haven't been over to my place since, and you don't even answer my calls when I try to call and see how you are." I explained. "I know you have a crush on me. I know, you, want me. To notice you, like I do the others. To be a friend to you, like I am to Stan and Kyle. Cartman, out of pure pity and nothing else." I said sadly. "Why can't you admit it?" I asked still holding a struggling blonde. "You love me." I panted as my heart soared.

"No!" he yelled still trying to push away from me as I picked him up in my arms. "No! Kenny, no!" he squealed. "No! Put me down!"

"Butters, I wanna be there for you." I said softly pressing my lips against his. "Just like you wish for me to."

"I don't!" he said trying to break free of my grip.

Before he could say or do anything, I bent my head, and kissed him. The taste of strawberries hit me so hard, I almost lost it right there. Butters felt lush, and delightful. He felt, warm, and real. I loved it. I looked deep into those beautiful baby blue eyes, and noticed the reaction on his part.

His arms came to wrap around my neck, and he held me for dear life. His lips mashed into mine with a passionate fierce want. He was mine. Or, at least, I hoped. I was right. That kiss did make everything feel better. At least, for me.

"See?" I whispered panting as I pulled back to catch my breath. My lower lip still connected to his. "See? You love me. See, Leopold? You love me! And you know what?" I asked, excitement running through me like wild fire. "I love you, too."

The boy had snuggled into me deeper, and I had held him there under a starry sky for quite some time. Those were the peaceful days. And every night, when there was absolutely nothing else needed doing, we would enjoy the other's company. I would love him, and he in turn—shyly at first, not really trusting—would love me.


	15. Good Hodgkin

**Good Hodgkin**

**Kenny**

I looked at the clock, and saw it was only seven in the evening. They'd started three hours ago. I didn't know if I could take much more of this. I felt in shambles. I wanted Butters to be okay. I sighed as I got up again, and walked to a nearby window.

"If there was ever a time I really needed you to listen, Jesus, it's now." I said softly. "Please, let my Butter Cup be okay! I don't care how corny or gay that sounds. I just want him to be okay."

I started my pacing, and took the cheap ass MP3 player out of my pocket. Sure it was just for holding songs, and it could play the radio. But I didn't need anything too fancy. I was humble, and I knew when to stop shopping for things I didn't really need.

I stood, listening to Michael Jackson's, "Someone In the Dark" until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I turned around to find Adams standing right in front of me. His shoes, the lab coat, were stained and flecked with blood.

"Is that his blood?" I asked as my eyes filled with tears. Some of it was still wet.

"Yes, unfortunately. However, he is okay, Ken. Calm down." the man reassured as I shook from head to foot. "I came out to let you know, that we are half way through the operation. He is doing well, and there is less of a risk now that he's almost done."

"And?" I asked. "Why are you taking a break?"

"I came to let you know. We don't have much to go, son. Be calm, and soon, I'll come get you when we wheel him back into his recovery room."

Adams left me feeling worse than ever. That had to be a bad, terrifying, horrible, omen. Butters's blood speckled the man's lab coat, the pair of gloves he had been holding in one hand, and his shoes. This had to be bad. Someone wasn't telling me something.

"Hello, old friend." said a very welcoming voice. "I heard about Leopold's operation, and thought I'd come say hello."

I don't know what made me do it. I just turned to the figure and wrapped him up in a tight hug. "I'm so glad to see you, Pip." I said blinking away tears. "How have you been?"

"Kenny," he said sternly in his British accent. "It's only been a little over four hours since we last saw each other, mate. I'm doing fine. And you'll be fine, and Leopold will too." he said smiling brightly at me.

I guess us three had a lot in common. Pip's parents had died at a very young age, and so he had no affection from anyone. Butters's parents fought constantly as he grew older, and though his mom kissed and hugged him often, it was out of spite, I'm sure. Mom and dad were okay to me, I guess. For some reason — I'm assuming my death curse—they liked Kevin and Karen more than they cared about me. So, I guess you could say, it was nice to see Pip.

"I brought you some food, Kenny." he said drawing out a sandwich. "I knew you hadn't had anything, and I didn't see you eat lunch."

"Oh, Pip." I said smiling. "You didn't have to."

"I know, chap." he said patting my arm. "But take it. You need to eat, or you'll fall asleep, or die on us or something. Leopold needs you."

I need him, too. "Thanks, Pip." I said sighing.

Again, people kept coming in and out. Not much to say about it all, accept the wait was killing me. I felt so helpless in my situation, and the thing that kept nagging at me was his absent parents. Did they not know their son was sick? Dying, maybe?

"Kenny?"

I jumped and looked over at the voice. It was Adams. He came walking out. "Will you come with me?"

"Yes!" I said triumphantly as I got to my feet and walked off with him. A nurse was wheeling a sleeping Butters into the room we'd been in before. He looked, well, he looked dead.

"Kenny, I have some very bad news." Adams said softly. "I can't take care of Butters any more if my suspicions are confirmed through the next set of tests."

"What?" I gasped. "What are you talking about? What happened with the exploratory operation or whatever?"

"We found several masses in his chest. We were able to remove them, and found the one that shifted the boy's heart slightly to the right. We put him back together as best as we could, and now, we just have to wait for him to wake up. We had to remove a lot of calcified lymph nodes from the boy's diaphragm. I think Leopold may have Hodgkin's Disease."

This was all happening too fast. Way… too fast. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. I needed a grown person at my side, now, more than ever. I just gaped at him…. Stupidly. With nothing to say, but…

"You can cure him, right?"

"Well, I'm not sure. I don't know yet if this is true. I'm hoping as soon as we send the samples we took from him off to a lab, to be tested, we can see if it is Hodgkin's. I'm hoping it is."

"What? Why?" I yelled anguished. "How could you wish-?"

"Because there is a possibility that it could be much worse. If you think about it, this disease is the most curable form of Lymphoma to date. There have been a lot of advances to curing this, and they all have progressed. He will make it. If it is indeed this that we're dealing with. Don't worry, Kenny, I will do everything within my power up to the point I can. Then, the rest is all up to fate."

"So, about you not being able to take care of him?" I gasped.

"Well, I want the best for the boy." he said softly. "I do care for him. I don't want to see-!" He stopped, and I saw a brief tear fill one of his eyes. No one wanted to see Butters, little innocent Butters, six feet under quite yet. Or ever.

"I may have to send him out of town. Out of state, if need be. I want the best for the boy." he said simply.

"What happens now?" I asked softly.

"Stay with him here. He asked for you before he fell under. So, I best think you better keep that promise. Butters will be okay, Kenny. You just need to stick by him, now, more than ever. It'll take about two weeks to know." he said softly.

"Two weeks?" I gasped. "How the hell am I gonna keep him together for that long?" I asked confused. "He's going to wonder!"

"Well, I'm not sure." Adams said sighing as I walked over and took my Butter Cup's hand. His was icy cold, and lifeless.

"Is he, supposed to look that dead?" I asked a little confused.

"Yes. We have removed the IV, so waking up shouldn't be a problem. I've done all I can, Kenny. I'll be back. I need to go make sure the orders I gave are carried out successfully, in order for the boy to be cured." he said as he turned around. "Oh, and son?" he stopped. "Make sure you don't upset him. It could cause a problem with his vulnerability right now."

With that, he was gone. Cancer? My baby had cancer? His parents were gone, he was lying unconscious in a hospital room, and cancer was about to become part of his daily vocabulary? Really, God? Is this really what you have to give us? Really?

"Kyle?" I said into the cell phone as I held it to my ear. I was still holding my other half's hand tightly.

"Yeah, Ken?" he asked.

"Where you at?"

"Driving back from Rebecca's. Why? Whaadya need?" he asked.

"I need you to go drop by Jim's Drug, and get me a bouquet of flowers." I requested simply. "I don't know which ones, because I'm not sure really what Butters likes."

"Oh, he'll like whatever you get him. Are you sure you have no request?"

"No. Just get him something, and bring it down. Please, Kyle. I really would do it myself, but I don't wanna leave in case he wakes up."

"Don't worry about it, Kenny. I'll be down in a bit, okay?"

I sat with him for the next hour and a half. I wanted to call Adams back, to ask why my boy wasn't waking up. I just let it happen, though, and waited. Kyle came in a bit later with the flowers in his hands.

"They're lilacs. They smell really good." he said shoving the bouquet under my nose. I took in a breath and smiled.

"You think he'll like them?" I asked.

"Yes." Kyle said setting them down on the window sill. "That'll be the second thing he sees. What did Adams-?"

I told him everything. By the end, Kyle looked about to cry. I didn't know what to do.

"I'll… go… do… something." he said softly. "I'll go tell… never mind." he whispered sighing. "I'll be back soon. Hey, Kenny? I'll pray for him."

"Thanks, Kyle. It means a lot." I said softly as I watched him leave. I thought I heard a faint sob as the door closed.

"Ugh." there was a soft moan from beside me, and I looked over at Butters. He kept his eyes closed, but he was moving a little. He let out a big sigh, and squeezed my hand.

**Butters**

I felt heavy, and blank. I felt so, empty. I couldn't feel temperature, or anything. I just felt, there. I moaned again, and opened my eyes. The lights were dim, but I could still see everything. Kenny's face was peering down at me from above. I smiled at him, and he smiled back at me.

"Hey." he said simply. "Wake up, sleepy head."

"Kenny." I said in a whisper. "I made it. You're still here."

"Always." he said leaning down and kissing me.

My mind went blank again as my heart monitor beeped a single beep. Kenny started laughing hard as he pulled away.

"So, with one kiss, I stop your heart?" he asked. "Huh. I had no clue."

"Butters?" he said softly as he stroked my face with his rough hand. "Look at the window sill."

I gasped as I saw the vase of flowers sitting there. Lilacs! They were my favorite fragrance. I liked their color, there smell. I liked them a lot. My heart soared at the thought that Kenny cared this much about me.

He reached out and dug one flower out of the vase. He held it gently by its stem, and ran the rose over my face. I inhaled the smell, and smiled as I melted into the care that Kenny gave me. The warmth of his smile, his gestures. Everything.

"You like it, Leopold?" he asked softly.

"Heh! Yeah!" I said smiling back. "How long has it been?"

"Way, too long." he said softly.

"Do you feel any different?"

"I feel better." I said sighing. "I feel lighter. Like I can breathe again."

"Good." he said simply. "Butters, we have to talk."

"Are you leaving me?" I whispered with tears in my eyes.

"No." he said bending down and holding my face in his warm hands. "No, I'm not. I just… really… wanna make sure… you know, that I'm in this with you for the long haul. Do you trust me?" he whispered softly.

Did I trust Kenny McCormick? Was I sure about how I felt? I had no clue. Like I had said before, what was trust, anyway?

"Leopold?" he asked. I forgotten he was waiting for an answer.

"Yes." I said looking him deep in the eyes. "Why?"

"Because no matter what happens," He said softly. "I'll always be here with you. I'm always going to tell you that you're going to be okay, and you have to believe me on this one. You got it?" he asked.

"I… guess." I said confused. "Why?"

"Just promise me." he ordered calmly. "No matter what happens, if I tell you you'll be okay, it means you will be okay. If I say, jump, you jump. If I say, Butters, don't fight, you won't fight." he commanded.

"Kenny, you're starting to scare-!"

"Butters, this is the most important thing you could ever answer me!" he pleaded. "I have to have your word, that no matter what you hear, feel, or see, you will always stay cheerful, and bright. You will try as hard as you can with me, to make sure that everything turns out like it should."

"I promise." I said blankly.

"No matter what?" he asked. "If the doctor says, "Butters, you could lose your left arm.", you'll stay positive and bear through it, because you know I'm with you through everything and anything?" he asked. "If the building catches fire, and we're all the way up here, on the sixth storey, you'll let me help you down, and trust that when I say jump you'll jump, and survive?" he asked.

"Yeah." I said trying to take in all that was being said. "About my arm?" I asked confused.

"It's a hypothetical example, Blossom." he said softly. "Nothing's going to happen to your arm."

**Kenny**

"Nothing's going to happen to your arm." Just your hair, your stomach, your immune system. But your arm will be fine. I thought to myself as the awareness of the situation hit me. Do I tell him?

**Butters**

"Kenny, something isn't right." I said softly. "What's going on?"

"That's the thing, Leopold." he said looking straight into my face. "No one knows."

"Oh." I mumbled as I lay there staring at him. "Well, it'll be fine." I said brightly. "I'm sure it'll be okay. Whatever Dr. Adams found, he cured me. I mean, I feel way better. I'm kind of hungry, too."

Suddenly, my phone rang. It was my mom and dad. I could tell by the ring tone.

"Kenny, please." I moaned. "I don't wanna deal with them right now."

"Hello?" Kenny asked in his normal voice. "No, he isn't. … No. He's sick. I'm sorry, Mr. Stotch. This is very serious. … You don't understand! Butters may have cancer!"

My heart stopped. I think I literally halted in suspended animation for a while. CANCER? Was he serious? He told me that he had no clue what was going on! So that was what all this trust me spiel was about! If he says jump, then, jump. Right? I told you you couldn't trust anyone.

"We're not sure yet. He's losing weight like crazy, and he's very ill. He just got out of surgery, and," Kenny stopped. "Oh, my God. I'll call you back in a minute. I think I just screwed up, big time."

He shut my phone, and came over to stand by me again. He stared at my face, trying to read it.

"Really?" I asked as tears filled my eyes. "Really, Kenny?"

"Butters!" he moaned impatiently. "You promised me! You said you wouldn't falter!" he groaned. "Butters, look I'm sorry!" he groaned.

"How much do you know?" I asked through a tight throat. "And don't lie, Kenny. How much do you know?"

… … … … …

I stayed in the hospital for about two days. This means I missed a couple days of school. Kenny was by my side the whole entire time. South Park was small, and word spread that I was sick and in the hospital. Stan, Kyle and their girlfriends came to see me. Douggy, and a bunch of other people came, too. I was glad when Adams came walking in, and told Kenny and I that I was free to go home.

"Wait for my call, kid." said Adams more to Kenny, than to me. "I'll let you two know what I want to do next with the boy." Great. He was talking as if I was already gone.

"You okay?" Kenny asked as we both climbed into the car

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell him, don't talk to me. I just stayed silent, and Kenny didn't pry.

The days were agonizingly slow. I had somewhat returned back to normal. I felt agitated. I felt like something was pressing on my shoulders. A weight that I couldn't quite lift off. I felt, loaded. Kenny was an ever present source of, well, I'm not sure what he was. I hated him, for not seeing the wrong in this situation. He was cheery, and encouraged me to do so as well. I loved him for sticking with me, and comforting me when I needed it. I hated him for looking the other way and blinding himself to the imminent threat of my death. I loved him for bearing with me.

What if I did have cancer? Would my mom and dad come back right away? Did I want them here? It was better to have grown people in the picture, but their ever constant fighting was quickly becoming old very fast. Would Kenny still love me? Did he love me now? What was love, anyway?

Those are the questions I found myself asking for the next fortnight. Love and Trust. What the heck were they? How do you know when love is genuine, and how do you know if it's directed at you? How do you know you can trust?

"Butters! Butters, where are you?" Kenny's voice sounded concerned. Even frantic as he called out to me.

"Butters! I promise, I'm not mad! Where are you?"

I stood up from the log I was sitting on, and headed toward the mist. An orange clad figure was headed toward me in the fog. He smiled as he saw me.

"Dammit, Butters!" he moaned as he came running over to me. "I'm so glad I found you."

Kenny wrapped me up in a hug, and I couldn't help melting into him, and my body betrayed me. I wrapped my arms around his thin waist, and I laid my head against him. He chuckled as he ruffled my hair.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly. "It's going to either rain or snow. You wanna go back home?"

"Kenny?" I said sighing. "How long has it been?"

"Tomorrow we'll be entering the third week." he said softly. "Sorry, Butters."

"Yeah. Sure." I muttered as I walked with him back to my place.

His phone rang. We were halfway to my house when the call came in.

"Hello? … Yes, it's me. … Really?" I tried to read his expression, but it was unreadable. "Okay. But we know what's going on now, at least. He'll be okay." It sounded as if Kenny was trying to reassure himself at the same time. "All right. We need to get together soon. … Sounds good. Thank you, Dr. Adams. Bye."

I looked up at him, and the expression I couldn't read melted away, into one of most sadness. I had Hodgkin's disease. I looked straight into his eyes, and tears started streaming down my face.


	16. Unexpected Company

**Unexpected Company**

His face was full of anguish, and tears were streaming freely on to his thin chest. I had absolutely no idea what to do. His legs began to shake, and I reached over and picked the light bundle up in my arms. I resumed my walk back to his place. Butters can't die. He just… can't.

"Butters?" I tried as we entered his house.

It was useless. I had no clue what to say. 'Are you all right?' That sounded stupid. 'I love you.' That was probably not the appropriate time to say I love you. What could I say? How do you speak after you've just found out your other half is possibly facing death? What in the hell are you supposed to say?

I kicked the door closed behind me, and I walked to the couch and sat down. At once, Butters repositioned himself so that his arms were wrapped tight around my neck. He was clinging to me for dear life. My arms snaked around his waist, and I held the boy close. His body shook, and all at once he was sobbing uncontrollably into my shoulder. I could feel his warm tears sliding down on to my orange jacket.

"Kenny?" he moaned. "K-Kenny? This just-just has to be a dream!" he begged. "It has t-to! I'm only seventeen!"

My heart instantly sank to my stomach as he said this. He was right. He was very young. And my situation was way different than his. If he died, he died for good. If I died, I'd be back within the day or so. This was way too much to deal with, and way too hard. I had to thank the higher power out there, though. For once. I was able to numb my own feelings to the present situation, and I became the least needy person in the room. It was Butters who needed someone right now. Maybe I could cry, later. Right now, I needed to try and keep Butters happy.

"Tell me, Leopold." I said softly into his ear. "What can I do for you to be okay?"

"Nothing." he croaked. "I just want my life back!" he sobbed. "Sure, it was trash, and people never noticed me! Sure, mom and dad were always on each other constantly, but I could deal with that! This? This? I can't deal with this!" he sobbed. "I'm only seventeen, Kenny!"

"I wish, I could take it all away, Butters!" I said truthfully. "I really, do. I love you. I just want you to know."

"Kenny?" Butters looked like the answer to his next questions would depend on his outcome. "It's not too late… to leave." he whispered.

"Don't!" I said bitterly. "It's not funny anymore." Wait a minute, it was never funny when he suggested me leaving. "I'm not leaving! I love you, and you should know that by now!"

"Yeah. It's just, my mom and dad love me." he compared.

"Not everyone that says they love you will leave you, or let you down, Leopold!" I yelled exasperated. "I mean, I may disappoint you… a lot… once or twice…." Man this conversation was not turning out the way I needed it to. "Even so, I still love you, and I always will!" I said softly. "I'm not leaving!"

"Kenny, I just, I'm not sure." he confessed. "I mean, it's…."

… … … … …

School became something of a routine. Butters seemed to be doing a little better. Or at least, his grades were soaring again, and he was a little more motivated. I was hanging on to nothing. I was numb. I thought about his situation constantly. School became a have to do. Not a want to do. We both just went because we needed to. Not to learn, or even interact with our peers, or our teachers.

The nights for him were the worst. I think it was because he was more prone to thinking when he was alone. Or even with me, but without distractions. School was a place where you were required to at least try to pay attention. For someone like Butters, who was smart, and studied hard, it was a place to run away from his situation. It was a place to think about other things, other than his condition. But when we were home alone, he was glum, and tired. I could always see a little unshed tears just begging to be let out. I wouldn't mind, either. I told him often. If he cried, I really wouldn't care. I'd try as best as I could to comfort him.

Three weeks after the operation, Butters and I had to leave to a nearby hospital in Boulder. He was required to go take more tests, to see how and what needed to be done. He came out from radiology, and walked into the little room I waited for him at.

"What did they do to you?" I asked grinning sheepishly at him.

"CT scan." he said yawning. "They put me in this huge thing, and blasted me with X-Rays. So I may start to glow at some point."

"Funny, Butters." I said smirking. At least he was in better spirits.

"The worst part of it all? Staying still!" he confessed as we both laughed a little.

He walked up to me, with his arms open. I gently took him in and hugged him.

"I missed you." he mumbled into my chest.

"Oh, Butters." I sighed. "I missed you, too. I wish I could just take you home with me."

"What are they looking for?" I asked after a little bit.

"They wanna see the scope of the inside of my body. To make sure I'm okay, or to see what needs to be done. They wanna see my glands." he said sighing.

Just then, Dr. Adams came walking in. I wasn't about to let Butters go. Adams knew we were together, and didn't seem to mind. So, I just clutched him tighter to me as we stood.

"So, where to go from here." Adams said as he came in and closed the door. "I want it to be clear that I want the best for you, Butters. So, no matter what, we will find a way to help. Money will not be an issue, because we will get you into something that works. Kenny, we're going to need to have Butters come to the Children's hospital in Aurora in a day. We need to get a bone marrow sample from him. Just to see how far his Lymphoma has spread. Right?" he asked making sure we understood. "We're going to need him there, to make sure we get that sample. We need to see where we need to go now. I can't treat him, until I know. And also where the treatment will take place. Face it. South Park is hella small," he commented. "And I don't really see a decent place in Colorado for treatment. So, on Monday, bring him back, and we'll work on that. Got it?"

"What'll happen to me?" Butters asked looking back at the Doctor. "What are you guys going to do?"

"Going to do an aspiration. We'll insert a needle into your hip, and draw out a marrow sample. Don't worry, son, it won't be anything like when we operated on you."

So we both drove back home. It was strange, and silent and tense. I hated it. I just wanted everything to be okay. I needed a grown up! I needed help! I couldn't do this by myself.

"Do we know what's going on?" Kyle asked glumly. He had called me on the phone after we finished dinner. Butters was busy in the shower.

"Not really." I said sighing. "I have to take him down to Aurora tomorrow. He's supposed to get a bone marrow autopsy."

"Biopsy, Kenny." he said softly.

"Sorry, Kyle. You know I'm no good with this stuff. This means missing a day of school."

"He'll be okay. And summer's just around the corner. Everything will be fine."

"You want any of us to go with you?" Kyle asked a little worried after a long pause.

"No. You guys are not missing school just for this. Anyways, no offense to you, because you know I love you and Stan. But I need a grown ass person to deal with this with us. Butters and I are just kids. Kyle, I need someone older to help us. You know? Most of the grownups here are stupid. And Butters's parents are still not coming back for another," I stopped and counted. "Seven whole months." I moaned.

"I know someone whose not a complete idiot." Kyle suggested.

"Kyle, Chef is dead." I said hollowly.

"No, I meant Big Gay Al." he said simply.

I stared. You know, this just might work.

"You think he'd go?" I asked a little excited. "You think he'd be up for it?"

"Heck yeah. He'll go with you guys. He's nice and helped me through a tight spot a while ago. Don't tell mom, but remember Millie's Halloween party last year?"

"Yeah." I said simply. "I try to forget. Butters tried his first drinks, and well… shit." I said sighing. "Butters with a beer in his hands? No!" I said flinching at the image.

"Well, I got caught by the cops trying to get back home, and it was past my curfew. They gave me a breathalyzer test and everything. Anyway, he pulled me out of it, and let me stay with him and Slave."

"I'll call and ask." I said sadly. "Hope Butters doesn't mind."

"Doesn't mind what?" Butters asked gently as he came walking in.


	17. The Wait

**The Wait**

**Kenny**

"I almost don't wanna wake him up." I said softly as we stood beside the bed. "He's so small, and looks so peaceful. Are you sure you don't mind?" I asked.

"No, Kenny. I'm glad to help in any way pothible." Al said sighing as he stood beside me. "I'll go Google the map, and print. Okay? You get Butterth ready to go." he said in his unique tone.

I shook Butters gently as Al walked out of the room. I listened as he walked down stairs, and Butters opened his eyes.

"We gotta go, Butter Cup." I said softly leaning down and kissing him.

"Ugh. I'm so tired, Kenny." he moaned. "I'm really warm in here."

"I know, babe." I said smiling. "But if you hurry, we can come back, and have fun." I whispered devilishly.

"Really?" he asked gasping audibly. "You'll make love to me?"

Oh, God. He didn't just ask that. "Sure." I said laughing as a blushing Butters dragged himself out of bed. "You need help?"

Butters told me he didn't need help. Yet, he couldn't even take two steps without almost falling down. He couldn't pick things up either. I could tell his joints were aching. I helped him get dressed, and he did everything else he needed to. I almost wanted to just pick him up and rock him in my arms to try and comfort him. We all ate breakfast quickly, and soon, were headed off to the hospital.

The ride was comfortable enough. I couldn't help feeling a lot better now that we had Al with us. He was a lot of help just with his presence. I kept Butters in my arms the whole time. Cops could go shove it up their asses if they pulled us over for not having Butters in his own seat. He was wrapped up in my orange jacket sleeping most of the way.

"Tell me if you need to switch at any point in time." I said helpfully. "I don't want you to drive the whole way there if you feel tired or anything."

"Itth two and a half hourth away, Kenny." he said slapping my shoulder playfully. "Relackth." he cooed grinning.

"Right." I said smiling. "Thank you so much for coming with us. Are you sure Slave won't mind?"

"No." he said simply. "Heeth working, and won't be home for a bit. Hopefully we'll beat him back home. I'm sure Butterth will be okay."

We ended up making it to the hospital with fifteen minutes to spare for his appointment. I hated having to wake the boy up.

"We're here, honey." Al said poking the boy's ribs softly.

"Kenny?" Butters asked as Chris Brown's "All Back" played in the background. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, Butters." I said egging him on. "Take it as a challenge. Or…," God I was worthless when it came to encouragement.

"Ath a goal." Al said cutting in and rescuing me. "One more step to getting better." he encouraged. "Kenny and I'll be here with you the whole time!" he added with a boom and a bright smile. "We promith."

"Okay!" I nearly cried into my hand as I saw that now unfamiliar brightness in his smile and twinkle in his baby blue eyes.

"Ready, thweetie?" Al asked.

"Let's do it!" Butters said pulling open the door. "Kenny, I look like a fool!" he said laughing as my jacket fell to his knees. "Take the jacket."

"You must be here for Leopold!" the receptionist said smiling. "We'll have you all sit on that side of the waiting room," She gestured. "And Dr. Jameson will call you from that door."

We both waited with the boy as the clock ticked on. My stomach was knotted, and I felt terrible. He was about to go under the needle. And the knife. Oh, man, I felt sick.

"Leopold Stotch!" said a voice.

Butters looked back to us, and we both stood.

"Are you his guardian?" Dr. Jameson asked as he walked over to us.

"Yeth." Al said simply. "My name ith Al."

"Okay. I'll be the one getting his biopsy. It'll take two and a half hours. You two can wait here, and I'll call you when we're through." he said sighing.

"Wait," Butters gasped. "Th-they can't c-come with me?" he asked.

"No, son. Sorry." the man said as Butters bumped his knuckles nervously. "Sorry."

"Kenny!" Butters gasped.

"It'll be fine, Butters." I said as the doctor's face became confused. "They'll put you to sleep, and you'll be out in no time."

With another pang of guilt, I watched as they took my little Butter Cup away. I distinctly heard him let out a soft sob as he left. Tears streamed down from my own face as I uncontrollably started to cry.

"Look." Al said as he wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulders and led me back to a chair. "I'm not going to lie, Kenny. I'm not gonna tell you thith may not get ugly. But everything will be okay. Butterth can make it. Heeth strong." he said smiling. "He'll make it. I'm sure your love makes him a little stronger in faith."

"I'm just scared." I muttered. "He could…. Al?" I gasped without being able to go on. "He could die!" I croaked.

"We're not going to think that way, though." he said simply. "We're going to be pothitive. Just like he alwayth ith when thumthing gothe wrong." he said softly. "Everything will be fine."

**Butters**

I don't know how long it took, because the moment the IV was in me, I was gone. I don't even remember sleeping. The next thing I remember is waking up, and my hip was really sore. Well, hips. There was talking, and two people were sitting with me on either side.

"Kenny?" I asked a little worried. "Kenny?"

"He'll be in in a minute, Leopold." the doctor said as the nurse and him cleaned up the equipment. "We just removed your IV, so he doesn't know you're awake."

Two minutes later, Kenny and Al came walking in. I spotted Kenny, and he smiled. I melted.

"Hey, beautiful." he said as he came over. He bent down and kissed me. I smiled into his lips as we both kissed.

"Missed you." he said smiling. "How you feelin'?"

"Okay. My hips just hurt." I said sighing. "But I feel fine."

"Hey, Butterth!" Al said smiling. "Howth it goin' kiddo?" he asked as he hugged me gently.

"Fine." I said smiling as I looked at both of them. I was so glad they were here.

"What's next?" Kenny asked turning his back to me.

"The full blown, pathology report." said the doctor. "We have to know what we're dealing with. As far as how much spreading we have here."

"And Dr. Adams?" I asked a little worried.

"Jack? This isn't his place. He can't take care of you anymore, Leopold. He's passed you on to us."

I didn't know what to say. Darn it all to heck! Every time I have something familiar, it always gets taken from me. I hate starting over. This doctor was not nice to me at all. It's not like he was mean, but he gave off this… I don't really wanna be here kind of aura.

"I'll be back in a bit." he said sighing. "I need to go make my rounds. You need anything?" he asked.

"No." I said despite my soreness.

"Pain killer." Kenny said simply.

"No, I'm f-fine." I lied.

"Butters, you're a liar, and you know it." Kenny scolded.

"I'll send the nurse with the medicine right away." he said as he left.

Five minutes later, a nice looking lady came walking in. She smiled as she saw me.

"Hey, bud!" she said as if she already knew me. "Can one of you get a bottle and open it for him?" she asked as she took the pill out of a little wrapping. "How's your hip, fella?" she asked.

"Sore." I said truthfully. "Just a little."

"This will make you feel better." she said as she motioned for me to open my mouth.

Kenny came over and held my head up as he pressed the bottle to my lips. I drank, and swallowed the pill quickly. The water felt good against my throat, and I realized how thirsty I was.

"What's your name?" she asked looking at Kenny.

"Kenny McCormick." he introduced.

"I'm Al."

"My name is Heather." she said simply. "I'll be his nurse from now on. I'm part of his ever growing oncology team."

"Holy shit, Butters." Kenny said laughing. "You've got a lot of doctors."

"A little over ten, to be exact." she said smiling. "Nice to meet all of you. Are you feeling okay, Butters?" she asked as she touched my cheek with a warm hand. The smell of Dancing Water blew my way as she moved. I smiled.

"Yeah." I said smiling. "The medicine's workin'."

"Yeah, we can tell." Kenny said laughing. "Look at his grin!"

"Nurse Mason, you're needed in room four twelve." said the voice on her walkie talkie.

"I'll be back to check on you in a little while, pal." she said smiling at me. "Okay?"

"Thank you." I said blissfully as she left.

**Kenny**

We waited with him for three more hours. Butters seemed to be getting better as far as pain goes. It was so messed up having to deal with this. I hated it all. I won't lie, though. Al was a great comfort. The nurse seemed to really take a liking to my Butter Cup. Finally, the doctor came in.

"Hey, you guys." he said smiling. "How's things?"

"Gurd." we all said in unison.

"So?" I asked not caring how rude I sounded. "What happens?"

"Well, the good thing is, his bone marrow's clean. We took enough to harvest for him, so that we can replace it for him later. The rest of his lymph network is clean." he informed. "No more masses, tumors, nothing. So, all we have to do, is treat him."

"How?" Butters questioned.

"Leopold?" he said straight forward. "There's something you have to know, first."

"How?" Butters insisted.

"This disease is very rare, and can be treated successfully. Death is possible, but only in a small percentile. We're not sure why or how it's caused, but it's seen mainly in young people ages thirteen to thirty-five."

"How?" Butters asked again. He sounded bitter, this time.

"Chemotherapy."


	18. Right to Refuse

**Right to Refuse**

My stomach fell to the floor. I wanted to cry. I mean, I expected this, but even so, I felt my life take a complete halt as he said those words. I'd seen movies. I'd seen cartoons. A lot of things that have to do with Chemo, and they were not good. Not good at all. I'd heard of the side effects that it encompasses.

"We're going to have to keep you here for a while, until we can get it all together." the man explained. "We'll need to administer doses here at first. That way, we can see how you tolerate it, and then, adjust."

"What happens with school?" Butters whispered softly.

"Don't worry about thkool, right now." Al said simply. "Thingth will be okay thoon. Just take it one step at a time." he advised.

"But you guys told me I'd be out of here in no time." Butters said flatly. "You told me that. So, I'm not going anywhere?" he asked.

"No." the doctor said simply. "I've brought someone to meet you. His name is Dr. Ramsey, and he's the oncologist. He's the leader of your little team, Leopold."

A tall African American stepped into the room on cue. He looked a little anxious, but otherwise cheerful. Butters looked let down.

"How's this all going to take place?" he asked. "School? My life? I won't have a life? I'm going to be pumped full of drugs for the rest of it?"

"Dr. Ramsey will answer all your questions. I'll leave you two to bond."

Butters looked angry. He looks so uncharacteristically bitter. I didn't know what to do.

"What if…?" Butters said as the first doctor walked out. "What if I don't want this?"

"You have the right to refuse treatment." Dr. Ramsey said softly. "But without it, you most certainly will die. With it, you can at least put the cancer into remission."

"So, I can just pack up and go?" Butters asked sitting up.

"Butters!" I croaked shocked.

"You have the right." Fuck you, Ramsey! You're supposed to tell him no! Dammit man!

"If I do take the Chemo," Butters questioned. "Can you cure me, or will it always be there? Will Hodgkin's be hanging over me like a cloud for the rest of my life? Or can I pick up where I left off?"

"That depends on how you tolerate the drugs, and how you cope with the stress it'll put on your system." Ramsey said softly.

"I'll leave you three to talk about it, for a while. I need your answer right away, though. We need to start a treatment as soon as possible." he said softly. "See you guys in fifteen."

The doctor left the room, and the closed door sounded extra loud as he shut it behind him. I walked over to Butters, and so did Al. I took one of his hands, and it was icy. Al took the other one. I didn't know what to do. I didn't wanna be the one to break the silence.

"You can't refuthe, pal." Al said softly as he looked into my boyfriend's face.

"Oh, yes I can." Butters said defiantly. "Let's go."

"Butters," I said softly. "You can't… do this!" I moaned. "It's, it's not right to not at least try it. It's, it's not right. Butters," I was going to sound selfish, I know. But what else can I do. What else can I say? "I need you! You can't just walk away from this, and have us all watch you die! I need you! And you know, I don't wanna see you die slowly."

I looked at a teary eyed Al. I looked back at Butters who was now crying steadily. He was trying not to, but he couldn't control himself.

"I'm scared, fellas!" he confided. "I've heard all about Chemo! Heck, I d-did a project a little while ago, and I was researching this very disease." he sobbed. "And now, I'm a friggin' victim!"

"Butterth, we will all be right here!" Al reassured. "Everyone of uth will thupport you. From Kenny, all the way down to the…." he stopped. "Everyone will thupport you."

"I'm gonna get grounded." he moaned.

"Who cares!" I yelled without warning. "Butters, fuck your mom and dad! Okay? They can just go to hell! You're dying, Butters!" I yelled. "You're dying, and it's beyond your control!" His parents were known to ground him for tons of things beyond his control.

"I… I just…!" Butters cried into his pillow for a while, as Al and I held his hands.

"K-k-Kenny?" he stammered. "You p-promise, whatever happens?" he asked. "You won't leave me?"

"No." I said strongly. "I will not leave for anything. I'll be with you through the long run, Leopold." I said softly. "I love you, and you have to understand that. And don't compare me to your mom and dad." I added hastily as he was about to open his mouth. I knew him well, and knew that was his retort.

The next words broke Al and I down completely. The look on his face combined with the sad soprano of the boy really got to us. "Kenny!" he pleaded. "I need you! I need you so much! I'm so scared, and I just don't…. I just wanna… Kenny, I wana die!"

Al and I both took deep breaths as we wept. I couldn't believe this. Butters was a kid! He didn't deserve anything that was happening to him! He didn't deserve anything! I just wanted to trade places with the boy. To make sure that he knew I really did care for him. As much as I did.


	19. Broken

**Broken**

**Kenny**

The Chemo started two hours after the talk. They inserted a tube near his collar bone, that had a small tiny opening on the outside. Ramsey said it would be so that he wouldn't have to be stuck with needles. ("Doesn't matter anyway. I already feel like a pin cushion.") The side effects of the therapy were instantaneous. Butters started vomiting fifteen minutes after the medicine had been introduced into his body.

"I'm sorry, Kenny." Ramsey said softly as Butters threw up into the basin beside him. "It takes a while for us to work our way to the right combination. We're just not sure."

"But you're doctors!" I pressed not feeling one bit embarrassed at being rude. "This is the kind of shit you're supposed to know!"

"As long as he keeps eating."

"Eating? How can he eat when it all comes flying back out?" I gasped.

"Kenny, be thtrong for him." Al said softly from beside me. "He needth you right now. Be thtrong."

… … … … …

The time passed slow. Butters slowly thinned out even more than usual. Al and my friends commented on how thin I was becoming as well. We didn't take Butters back, and plans were made for him later to restart his schooling. The school principal, who happened to be Mackey, was adamant about Butters having enough time to do everything once he felt better. He'd be fine, Mackey said.

I had stayed at a hotel with Al for the past four weeks. School becoming less of a priority over Leopold. I needed to return home to go and stock up on fresh clothing. I hated leaving Butters, but I had no choice.

When I entered my house, it became a part of a whole different world. It seemed a part of something so unreal. Something I'd never had before. I was used to the hospital, the hotel. Used to my Butter Cup throwing up into a bucket, or laughing mirthlessly as he made jokes to try and make light of the conversation. This place, my place, was not something I remembered recently.

I walked into my room, and packed myself a new suitcase full of clothing. I put all the dirty clothes on my bed. The bed Karen now used, since my room was empty, and she and Kevin could keep warm during the cold nights.

"I'll wash those for you." said a soft voice. "I'll take them to my place, and wash."

I turned around, and saw Kyle standing there staring at the pile of things on my bed. How did he get in here? He gestured to my open window, and I sighed. I couldn't stop the tears from falling from my face. The Semite stepped over to me, and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. We both collapsed on to the bed as I began to openly cry.

"He'll be okay, Kenny." Kyle said softly. "You have to have some faith."

"Faith?" I croaked. "Why would God, do this to a child? To someone so frail and already vulnerable as Butters? Why?" I asked sobbing uncontrollably. "Why couldn't it happen to the rapist in jail, or to the murderer in the Penn? Why couldn't it happen to the fucking child molester down the street?" I yelled so loudly Kyle had to hold me down so I wouldn't jump up.

"There's things we just can't understand." Kyle said softly. "But everything will be fine. Everything will be okay. Butters will get better." Kyle said softly. "He'll get better, and everything will go back to normal."

"And if not?" I asked wiping my still streaming tears. "If not, Kyle? What then? How do you tell your best friend maybe he'll die? Your love, Kyle!" I sobbed.

"Kenny, I'm sorry." he said softly. "Really. I am. I just… well, all you can do is pray."

"Pray? Pray to the same damn deity that gave my Butters the sickness? I don't think so." I shot bitterly.

**Stan**

I didn't know why I was doing this. Maybe because I felt bad, maybe I was high. I don't know. It took me a little over two and a half hours to drive down to the hospital, and get to the boy's bedside. Okay, not right away. I stood for about fifteen minutes in the hall, wondering if I could really, should really, go in there.

"You know, he's not contagious." a lady said coming over to me. "He's not going to blow up if you go in there."

"You don't understand." I said remembering the time Kenny got sick. I remembered the time I had to deal with Nelson. Nelson had died. Kenny survived, but Nelson had died.

"I know. I just…." I didn't know what to say. "I'm not the emotional one of the gang. I usually, just, hang back. It's tough, you know?"

"He'll be glad to see you. What's your name?" she asked.

"Stanley Marsh." I whispered.

"Well, Stan?" she asked. "Want me to let him know you're here?"

"No!" I gasped. "What if he's asleep?"

"I just came out from there. He's awake. He's doing okay. For him."

"Ugh. I can't do this." I moaned turning around to leave.

"Yes, you can." she said coming up to me. "Come on, son. Go and say hi. He'll be very glad you came."

"What's your name?" I asked trying to distract her.

"Heather. Nurse Mason. Whatever you'd like to call me."

"Do you like working here?" I asked.

"Stan, go inside." she said smiling at me. "C'mon."

She wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and pushed me into the room. Butters was lying on the bed, watching television. It looked like he wasn't really paying attention to it much.

He gasped out loud. "Hey, Stan!" he said brightly to me. "How's it goin'?"

"Fine." I said softly as Heather came in and closed the door.

"He's been standing out there for twenty minutes trying to get his courage to come in." she said smiling at Butters.

"No, I have not!" I shot. "I just got here."

"You need anything?" she asked nicely.

"No. Just please let Kenny know that I'm looking for him. When he gets back."

"Sure thing, pal." she said as she walked out of the room.

"Wanna play basketball?" he asked sitting up.

"Butters, are you sure you're supposed to be moving around like that?" I asked softly.

"I'm fine." he said smiling. "Come on, Stan!" he said grinning at me. "Kenny made this for me."

I turned to see where he was pointing, and saw a ball made of papers. It was roughly the size of a giant jaw breaker. He smiled and pointed to the trash can on the sink counter. "Come on! Let's see how much we can both make! First one to twelve wins!" he challenged.

We both played a couple rounds. Butters was good. I was okay, fifty percent of the time. Butters looked genuinely happy to see me. I couldn't help feeling a little happy that I could make such a difference in the boy's life. Even a little bit.

"You look, thin." I commented as I tossed him the ball.

"Yeah?" he asked sadly. "My hair's falling out."

I really, wanted to cry. "You doing okay?" I asked. Dammit Stan. There you go again with the stupidest questions! Of course he's not doing okay.

"Yeah." he said truthfully. "I've got Kenny. As long as I have him, things will be fine. I trust him. If he says I'll make it, then, I'm sure I'll make it. You guys are all a big help, Stan." he said smiling brightly at me. "You guys all don't know how much it means to me that you're actually here. Kyle came and visited me, yesterday!" he said cheerfully. "He came with Rebecca. She's really nice."

"Yeah?" I asked. "I'll try and come more, than."

"I'd like that." he said smiling. "I need to see familiar faces."

"You like it here?" I asked. I needed to punch myself in the face. You like it here? Like he's really gonna like it here.

"It's okay. I don't have to worry about food, because Big Gay Al brings me food all the time. And Kyle's mom, and your mom send over stuff. It's really neat of them to. They're all nice to me. You have to say thank you for me, okay?" he said smiling. "To your mom.

"It's kind of stale. I'm in the same place all the time, and I'm lyin' here not moving. But it's cool. Kenny's here, and I'm gonna be okay." he continued.

"Butters, I'm really glad you're my fr-friend." Aw, man. There I go again with the stammering. Dammit.

"Me too, Stan." he said smiling at me. "I'm glad you came."

"When you get better," I almost started crying right then and there. I hated this so much. "I'll get the whole class to go to the fair with us. The carnival's almost in town." I said smiling at him. I hoped it was a smile.

"Neato!" he boomed. "I could get cotton candy! The blue kind. I hate the pink kind." he said smiling. "It's gay."

I couldn't help laughing at his remark. I really hated myself for doing, it, but I did laugh. My laughter sounded alien to myself. I felt like I was in a place where I shouldn't laugh.

"Butters?" said a voice. "It's time for your medicine."

The look on his face. It was pure fright. He didn't say anything. He just stared.

"Can-can I wait for K-Kenny to come back?" he mumbled as Heather came walking in.

"Sure thing, baby." she said ruffling his hair. "I'll be back with your dose as soon as he comes back."

I stared after her as she left. I looked back to Butters afterward. I wanted to ask what was wrong. I just didn't know how.

"Chemo is a bitch." he said bitterly. "I have to take this gross stuff, and it makes me throw up, and feel icky. I hate it."

"I'm sorry." I said softly.

"It's not so bad. The thing is, I'm always tired all the time. It's kind of irritating, because I can't do things the way I used to. I can't even open my own water bottles." he laughed. "Stupid, huh, Stan?" he asked.

"You'll be okay, Butters." I said smiling. "You'll be just fine."

"I know." Butters said faithfully. "Kenny said so."

Dammit, I had to get out of here. Saved by the bell. My phone rang in my pocket.

"Hello?" I asked. "Hey, mom. All right. Bye."

"I have to go, Butters." I said trying not to show relief.

"Aw." he moaned. "You'll be back soon, right?" he asked. "Try not to be gone too long."

"I'll be back as soon as I can." I promised. "Okay?"

"Okay!" he said in that all too familiar tone. "See yuh later, Stan!"

"See yuh, buddy." I said as I walked over and hugged him. "Love you, much."

"Love you, too." he said grinning at me. "Everything will be fine, Stan." he assured. "Kenny said so."

I walked out of the room, and bumped into Kenny as I walked out.

"Hey, Stan." he said through his hood. "How's things?"

"Good. Sorry about this. I just got a call from my mom. I have to leave." I said softly. "Bye, Ken."

"See you later. It's almost the last day of school." he said smiling. "Start a riot for me, okay?" he asked laughing.

"Right." I said as he walked in.

"Kenny!" I heard Butters shout as he spotted him.

"Leopold!" I heard Kenny yell as his hood came off and full speech was heard.

I realized my face was wet as I walked off. I couldn't stop my tears.

"Are you okay, Stan?" It was the nurse, Heather, coming over to me. "Let me just give this to the doctor, and I'll be over here soon. Okay? Can you wait?"

She led me to a bench, and I sat down. I couldn't stop crying as she walked off to Butter's room. I saw a man walk in before the door closed. It opened again, and the nurse came walking back to me. She took her seat beside me, and wrapped a comforting arm around me.

"You okay, sport?" she asked.

"No." I sobbed. "He's dead! He's already dead! It's in the bag."

"No, it's not, Stan." she said holding me tight to her. "It'll be okay. Butters is very strong, and he's got all the support from you guys. Do you know how much your visit today meant to him?" she asked softly.

"I'm just one person." I sobbed. "Why would it mean that much to him?"

"Because you care, sweet heart." she said softly. "Because you care enough to make it all the way over here. It means that much more to him. Now." she explained. "You get it?"

"I can't do it!" I sobbed. "I can't do it. I can't pretend that things are going to be okay! He's a kid, still!" I moaned. "He's supposed to be out getting in trouble! Drinking beer, smoking weed. Stealing! He's supposed to be planning the Senior prank with us!" I sobbed. "Not lying on a damn cot with drugs in him, and almost no hair on his head! Why him?"

"I'm not sure, baby." she said softly. "It'll be okay. It'll all be over soon."

The man reappeared and the door to Butter's prison cell closed behind him. Because that is so what it was. A cell. He wasn't allowed to leave, or do anything. I heard retching coming from the room, and I moaned as my stomach froze.

"Make it stop, Kenny!" Butters moaned. "Make it go away!"

I couldn't help it. I fell into a new wave of uncontained sobs as I listened to my friend pleading.

"No!" I heard him yell. He was crying out in between spells of vomiting. "Make it stop! Make it go away! Kenny! Oh, Kenny!"

I looked up at Heather, and saw a stream of tears falling from her own face as well. "Look, kid. Even if," She was having trouble speaking with a steady tone as we both sat there. "Even if it's just pretending. Cheering him up, and encouraging him is the most important thing right now. We have to put our own feelings aside. I have hope that Butters will make it through. You should, too." she said wiping tears from mine and her eyes. "It's not over 'til Hodgkin sings." she said smiling at me.

"It's not funny." I said softly.

"Hey, Butters was the one who said it first." she said smiling.

"Don't leave me!" I heard Butters yelling. "Please! Kenny, make it stop!"

I hated my life right now. Butters must hate his way more.


	20. High

**High**

I hated this with all my heart. I hated seeing him go through the pain every time he had to take a dose. I just hated it so much. Soon, things would be adjusted, and he'd be allowed to return home. He'd have to come every three weeks, for a dose, but he would be going home. I hoped everything would be okay. Hoped with all my heart.

"Hey, Butters, you awake?" I asked as I walked into his room. It had been three hours since Stan had left. It was already ten fifteen.

"Yeah." he said softly. "Hi."

"I got you something." I said walking over to him and taking a red rose with me. He gasped.

"Oh, Kenny, it's beautiful!" he gushed. "Oh! It's so perfect!" He sat up, and reached for the rose. I handed it to him, and he caressed the petals, and took a deep breath as he inhaled the scent. He smiled as he held his rose in his hand.

"You're a morning Glory, but I can't find any." I said stupidly. "Sorry, babe."

"I love this." he said smiling as he held it to his cheek. "It's the most beautiful flower ever."

"Butters, it's just a rose." I said softly. "Calm down."

"Kenny, you make everything special." he said smiling. "This is the most special flower in the world."

"Butters, I've gotten you plenty of flowers." I said smiling.

"And I love them all more than anything." he said smiling back. "Kiss me?" he asked.

I took the rose and set it on his counter. I walked over to him, leaned down, and wrapped him up in a tight hug. My lips claimed his in a loving kiss.

"I love you, Leopold." I swore softly. "So much."

"Me, too." he said running his fingers through my hair.

I returned the gesture, only to have a thick clump of blonde fall into my hand as I pulled away. Fucking, dammit! His hair was falling out!

"I got you something else." I said smiling at him. "Wanna see?"

"Yeah." he said as I pulled away and tossed the clump of hair into the trash bin. Dammit.

I had been paying for this gift for nine months now. It was supposed to be his birthday present, but I really couldn't care less when I gave it to him. I took the little box out of my pocket, and I handed it to him. He opened the wrapping, and then, the box. He gasped as he pulled out the object.

It was a thin bracelet just for him. The chain was thin, and golden, and pearls were set into it, like snow. He gave me the biggest smile, ever.

"Oh, Kenny!" Butters gasped. "This is so beautiful! Oh, wow! I love it." he gushed. "Oh, Kenny! I love you!" he claimed as he reached out for me.

I gently hugged him, and gave him another deep kiss. He melted into it, and kissed me back.

"Will you put it on for me?" he whispered.

"Yes, Leopold." I said as I took the bracelet and put it on.

"I'll wear it always, Kenny." he swore as he gave me a tight hug. "Always."

As he hugged me, another clump of hair slid down his back, and on to my wrist. I stifled a groan, and just plucked it off and balled it up in my hand.

Butters returned to South Park a little too late for school. It was only now, that I saw how thin, pale, and so not himself he looked. He looked bad. I felt like shit. Al and I drove home that day. Butters was sleeping gently in my arms.

"We're home, Leopold." I said shaking him gently. "Welcome back!"

At his request, Kyle, Stan, and Token came over for dinner. Butters made pizza rolls, and I just felt happy to see him up and about again. Stan was a dumbass sometimes, but today, he really came through.

"Hey, Kenny." he said as Token, he and myself sat in the living room waiting for Butters to set the table. "Has Butters ever tried weed?"

"No. Why?" I asked confused.

"Chemo makes him lose his appetite." Stan reasoned. "And he's always in pain. What if, when he smokes a joint, he gets all numb, and gets hungry?"

"Aw, c'mon, Stan." Token moaned. "Don't be a jack off."

"No. Really. Think about it. If he smokes, he'll get high… munchies, lack of pain."

"Dude. Where in the hell did you get such an idea?" I asked laughing a little.

"Let's try it?" Token asked.

"Hell no! You just said yourself, Black. That's a dumb idea."

"Yeah, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Medical Marijuana is for that kind of thing." he said simply.

"Eeeeww!" I moaned. "Dude, you are not serious."

"Let's do it." said a voice making me jump up in fright. "Hurry, before I change my mind."

"Ugh. Gross, Butters." I moaned. "You smoking a joint?" I gagged a little.

"I just wanna eat again, Kenny." he said sighing. "Really, badly."

"COME on, Ken." Token said smiling brightly at me. "Let's try it."

Token lit a joint, and held it out to my boy. I gasped as he took it. He took it, and smiled sheepishly at us.

"Take a breath in." I instructed. "Try not to cough, and just hold it in."

"Okay." he said softly.

He took a big drag, and held it in. He looked like he wanted to cough out the foreign material in his lungs.

"Swallow." I coaxed walking over to him. "Swallow it all, Butters." I waited for a while before I nodded. "Breathe out."

He let out a few wisps of smoke, and moaned. "Tastes gross." he muttered.

"Sorry." I said sadly.

"Feel anything?" Stan asked a little hopeful.

"Uh, no." Butters said truthfully. "Am I supposed to?"

"Yeah, this shit's like, high quality." Token said simply. "Try another puff."

This went on for fifteen minutes. Butters ended up smoking the whole joint. He looked a little red in the face, but he said he didn't feel much.

"Oh, well." Stan said sadly. "I thought I'd try." he muttered.

We all walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Butters was walking around getting the paper plates and cups. He gasped.

"Whoa!" he moaned. "F-fellas? I'm feelin' kinda bowling ballish." he muttered.

"He's high." Stan announced as a smile lit up his face.

"Are you high, Butter Scotch?" I asked.

"I don't know. I'm really, hungry, though." he said with the biggest grin on his face.

"He's high." we all said in a chorus.

We all sat enjoying the food for about two hours. Butters looked like he was having a lot of fun. He asked for more weed, and who could refuse. Butters ended up smoking three joints, and eating way more pizza than any of us could eat. It seemed to cool the nausea and vomiting down, because he didn't throw up.

"Bye, Butters! Bye, Kenny." Token and Stan chimed as they both walked out the door.

"Hey." Butters said smiling. "Bring me trail mix, and a yo-yo." he cackled.

"Sure thing, bud." Token said laughing as they left.

"Kenny." Butters whispered softly as I closed and locked the door.

"What?" I asked.

"Cummeer." he gasped.

I walked over to him, and sat down beside him. "Yes?"

He leaned into me, and cupped his hands over his mouth. "I love you." he whispered happily. "I luuv you, Kennnnnyy." he drawled. "Soooo, muuuuch." he said slowly. "Love you, Ken. Kenny…, Kenny…, Kenny."

Butters laughed a loud laugh as he wrapped his arms around my neck. "I love being close to you." he said through a spell of soft laughter. "You're so warm. So beautiful. You're an angel, Kenny." he said running his fingers through my hair. "You have golden hair." he sighed as he kissed me. "You have very deep eyes." he said touching my face. "Kenny?" he asked.

"Butters?" I asked not wanting him to snap out of this high. He looked happy for the first time in a long time.

"Are you an angel?" he asked. "A dream? You're a dream, Kenny. Huh?" he asked.

"No." I said smiling back. "I'm as real as you are, love." I said as the contagious grin came over my own face.

"You have such pretty eyes." he said looking at me. "I can't lie. Such beautiful eyes."

"Are you all right?" I asked.

"Complimentary colors." he said smiling at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Blue and orange." he said in a glossy soprano. "They're complementary colors. You and I are compliments of each other." he said leaning in for another kiss. "Blue and orange." he sighed. "Angel. Kennnnnyy. May I sleep with you tonight?" he asked.

"Always." I said as I stood. It was already eleven fifteen.

"Really?" he asked thrilled. "In your arms, Kenny?"

"In my arms, Butters." I said smiling.

"No." he said softly. "Butter Cup."

"Okay, Butter Cup." I said smiling.

"Oh. I think I'm melting." he said as he went limp in my arms. "You're the most beautiful angel on earth." he said kissing my cheek. "So soft. Warm."

I helped him get into his pajamas, and quickly dressed myself as well. Soon, we were both lying in his twin bed. He smiled as he wound his arms around my waist.

"Kennnnyy." he drawled again. "You feel so amazing."

"Yeah?" I asked. "I hope you remember this tomorrow." I loved how close he wanted to be with me. Even though it was because of a drugged state. At least weed didn't make him vomit and cry.

"Kiss me?" he asked.

I let out a little laugh, and kissed him. He moaned softly as he held me.

"You taste like honey." he said again.

"And you taste like strawberries, Butter Cup." I said against his mouth.

"Hold me tight, Kenny." he said in a whisper. "Tighter. Yes! It's like magic." he said closing his eyes. "You're like magic, Kenny!" he said wildly.

"Lu lu lu,

I've got some apples." He was singing slowly. Softly. I could tell he was really sleepy. I let him sing.

"Lu lu lu,

You got some too.

He yawned.

"Lu lu lu,

Let's get together.

I know if I can, you can too.

"Kenny, I'll love you forever." he promised. "Hold me so tight, Kenny. Don't ever let go."

"I never will, sweetness." I said softly. "Ever."

"Tell me you love me." he whispered.

"I love you." I said smiling as he leaned in for a kiss. "So much. You're so special, Leopold."

"I'm yours?" he asked.

"You're all mine." I said softly. "Always."

"Forever?" he asked. "Even after I'm gone?"

"Yes, babe." I promised. "You're always gonna be mine."

"Kenny." he sighed. "You're my hero. I love you so much. My hero." he said yawning again.

"Go to sleep, love." I said smiling. "Shshshshsh."

"Hold me close." he whispered. "Hold me so close, Kenny. I wanna feel you. To feel your heart." he said as he unwrapped himself from me.

He pressed his hands against the left side of my chest as he fell against me again. "It's the most beautiful thing ever." he said softly. "My Kenny. Your heart beat's strong."

"Good night, Butter Cup." I said smiling.

"Your Butter Cup?" he asked. "Right?"

"Yes. My Butter Cup." I said as he snuggled into me. "Always."

"Mysterion." he sighed. "My beautiful, strong, Mysterion. My angel."


	21. Loyalty

**Loyalty**

Two weeks passed by, and I lost track of what month it was now. I think it was the beginning of July, or maybe the middle. Butters had been doing a lot better. He secretly smoked with Stan and I and sometimes Token. Kyle found out and thought it was funny to see how the action was. It was possible now, for him to take his Chemo at home. He just wore my orange jacket every time he had to, so that he could hide the catheter, and pouch he had to strap around his waist to control the flow of medication. The ramifications of the side effects were noticeable, even now. This proved true, when he came walking down stairs after a shower two days after his last dose.

"K-Kenny!" he sobbed. I gasped.

"What, Butters?" I asked as I got up and ran to him. "What?"

Butters was crying as he looked down in what looked like shame. His head! He only had about two, maybe three small tufts of blonde on his head anymore. I gasped.

"I just combed it!" he sobbed. "And this happened!" he moaned. "None of my hair was stuck to my scalp anymore!" he sobbed. "My hair, Kenny!" he moaned. "My hair! My hair!"

"Oh, God, Butters." I gasped. "Oh, man!"

It took me a while to calm him down. I took him back up to the bathroom, and I shaved off the rest of his almost not hair. He was crying the whole time. I knew he was having the most terrifying experience of his life. He lost all his hair.

I bought him a baseball cap, which became the South Park Icon, practically. It was easy to see everyone supported the boy through thick and thin. It's funny how he hadn't been noticed, and now everyone crowded around him. He hated it. It was a sign of how much his friends loved him, that they did the unthinkable. Butters and I were hanging out at Stark's Pond, when a group of people showed up. Clyde, Tweek, Craig, Stan, Kyle, and a lot of other guys. Including, my brother.

"Hey, Butters!" they all chorused.

Butters and I both looked up from the log we sat on. He was perched gently in my arms. The boys all stood still as statues.

"Butters," Cartman stepped up to the front of the crowd. "I'm really sorreh, about this. Kinny's really nice, and you're lucky to have him. I'm sorreh I made fun of you two." he muttered. "Butters, we have something for you."

Butters and I watched in astonishment, as they all removed their caps, one by one. They all dropped them to their sides and stood, facing me and my blonde. Every head in front of us, was smooth, and hairless. I stared, and so did he.

"Aw, gee." he said as he stood. He took his own hat off, and bowed to his friends as they stood in tribute. Cartman started silently crying, and Butters did, too. A lump the size of a walnut had slid into my throat, and I felt my own eyes fill with tears.

"We just wanna say," a fourteen year old Ike Broflovski spoke up. "You're a real hero, Butters. We love you, and we're all here for you if you need us."

"You, you, you're going- going, to, be, f-f-f-f- you're going to be, fine, champ." Jimmy stammered. "Just fine."

"Thanks, fellas." Butters croaked through a soft sob. "I love you guys."

Eric came forward, and hugged me. Tears were streaming down the Neo Nazi's face as he held me.

"He's going to make it, Kinny!" Cartman moaned. "I can feel it!"

The pond was full of I love yoos, and hugs, and thank yoos as Butters was showered with them. I smiled in the background as I stood watching it all happen. Cartman, being nice? Dude! Whoa.

"You know what we need to do?" Scot Tennorman asked as he let go of Butters. "We all need to get away from all this bullshit. We need to spend a day at the carnival coming to town."

"Ooooo." Eric said flinching a little.

"Don't worry, Cartman. It's not like I'm gonna kill you, or anything." Scot said smiling as he went to stand by another used to be Ginger Kid. "The fair is coming to town, and Butters would really like to go. Wouldn't you, Butters?"

"Yeah." he said smiling politely. "I'll ha-have to see how I feel." he said sadly. "I'd really like to go. I like rides and stuff."

"You'll feel fine." Stan said smiling at my blonde. "Let's plan it for next Wednesday. The second day the fair arrives."

"You think Barbrady'll kill him if he catches Butters smoking weed?" Kyle asked a little worried.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Next Wednesday is his dose." Kyle observed.

"We're still going ahead with the plan!" Scot said defiantly. "Token has connections, and Kenny does too. We'll get you all the weed you need, Butters. We're all gonna have the greatest day of our lives."

"Yeah." Cartman said happily. "Kinny, Cal and Stan'll take good care of everything. You'll have everything you need, Butters. We're going to the fuckin' fair if it kills us."

"Yeah! When you get better," Stan proposed. "We'll all celebrate really badass. We'll all make you take shots."

"You're almost there, Butters." Douggy said smiling.

"I know." Butters said looking over at me with tears in his face. "I know I'll be okay. Kenny said I would. Kenny'd never lie to me."

I just felt like total trash. I felt like those words had hit me over the head. What if he did… die? Here I was, trying to tell him he'd be okay, and what if it was a lie? He kept on saying that. 'Kenny said so.' 'I know, because Kenny told me.' 'Kenny would never lie. I know.' 'Kenny said so. I'm sure I'll be okay. Kenny loves me, and he said I would.' And every time he said that, my heart got squeezed, and I felt anger rise inside me.

**Author's Note:**

**We're only half way there! **


	22. A Try at Normalcy

**A Try At Normalcy**

**Butters**

I awoke the Wednesday after, and I felt a little bit better. Kenny's arms were tightly wound around my waist, and he was holding me close. I snuggled into him, and he gently kissed my cheek.

"You want me to shave my head?" he asked.

"No!" I moaned. "I love your hair. Besides, I didn't ask any of them to shave it for me. I would've been fine if they wore hats, but shaved?"

It didn't just go as far as the boys. The grown men of South Park all shaved their heads. Including, Big Gay Al. I hadn't seen Dr. Adams in a long time. Rumor had it, he also shaved his due off.

"If you shave it, I'll cry." I said sighing. "I won't have anything to hold on to and pull when you make love to me for the first time. I wouldn't like that, Kenny."

"Oh, boy." he chuckled as I felt my face burn.

"We gotta go." he said sighing. "We gotta go get your medicine, and get back here before the guys come to call. We're going to have us a good time today, Butter Cup."

"Will there be strawberries?" I asked.

"Yes. Anything for my Butter Cup." he said smiling.

"You are such a super over protective ghetto mama boyfriend." I groaned.

"What the hell does that even mean?" he asked shoving me playfully.

… … … … …

Forty minutes later, Al, Kenny and I were piled into the car. We drove off to Aurora once again. I hated having to do this all the time. It felt, bad.

It was eight fifteen when I walked into the now familiar hall of the hospital. Heather was waiting with a pale expression on her face. She spotted me, and smiled.

"Hey, Butters!" she said coming over and hugging me tightly. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah!" I said cheerfully.

"Are you sure?" she asked sadly.

"No." I said sighing. "I'm still lyin'."

"Where's Kenny?" she asked.

"He and Al were signing in." I said sighing. "Can I please, wait until he's here?" I asked sadly. "I don't care how long I've been on it, it still scares me."

"I know, pumpkin." she said smiling. "And sure, we'll wait until Kenny gets here." she said stroking my back a little as she held me. "He's the most important part."

I smiled at her. The doors to the hall opened, and Kenny and Al came walking in. Kenny's face was unreadable. Al looked scared.

I felt bad. I was going to fall apart, I just knew it. I was going to feel bad, and spoil the perfect day that the guys had planned out for me. I hoped my tolerance to the drugs had built up. Who was I kidding. Things just had to be terrifying. The only thing that kept me going was that Kenny was here, and I could face anything if he was with me. Absolutely anything.

"Kenny!" I moaned as the wave of nausea hit me. Dr. Ramsey had just inserted the doses into the catheter, and into the little pouch with the device that controlled the dose throughout the day fifteen minutes ago. My head began to hurt, and I felt really dizzy. My vision was blurred, and I felt sick.

"Kenny?" I moaned as my eyes filled with tears.

"I'm right here, Butter Scotch." he said picking me up off the bed. "You need a bucket?" he asked.

I prayed so hard that maybe today the side effects would be less. Maybe I wouldn't have to go through my usual fits of vomiting. It scared me, and sometimes, I threw up bile, because of lack of food. I hurt, and I knew Kenny hurt, too. But it was useless. Though less, the side effects still came, and soon, I was held over a basin as wave after wave of sick came splashing in. Tears and vomit streamed into the bowl, and I couldn't control myself. My emotions were going out of control. I felt ill.

"Make it stop!" I pleaded as my ribs contracted and another wave came. "Kenny! Make it go away!" I sobbed. "Ugh! Kenny!" I moaned as I threw up into the bowl. "Make it go away!"

**Kenny**

I would gladly, trade places with my love. I would gladly do anything to be the one in this position. Al, Dr. Ramsey, and Heather worked with me on trying to make him feel as comfortable as possible. Butters would be okay! He just had to. It didn't make it any better that he pleaded for me to make it stop. But what the hell was I going to do?

He fell asleep shortly after on the cot, and I thought about just leaving him there for a bit. This was so, emotionally tiring. I couldn't just take him back, and pretend this didn't just happen. I couldn't just take him, and do things with him as if everything was okay.

"Kenny, are you all right?" Heather asked as she walked into the room. Al had stepped out to take a call, and Ramsey was nowhere to be found.

"Yeah." I said softly wiping streaming tears from my face. "Butters." I said without hesitation. "He's too small. It's not fair!" I groaned. "He's only a kid! He's only seventeen." I gasped. "Barely. Why?"

"I don't know, honey." she said simply. "I do know this. He needs you right now. He can't afford to have you gone for long. He's counting on you way too much, and you know this."

"I just want him to be normal again. Happy, and Butters. This is a drugged up, someone who I don't even know." I moaned. "It's really terrifying."

"Al told me about the plans for today." she said softly. "I think you're gonna be late."

"He's sleeping. That's probably the last thing on his mind." I muttered.

"Kenny, take him. Take him to the fair, like you planned. Any small gesture means the world to Butters. Make today a perfect day. Or at least try. He'll be so crushed if he wakes up, and he's still here. Make today a really nice day for the boy. He hasn't had one of those in a long while."

"Okay." I said as we both hugged. "I can't thank you enough, Nurse Mason."

"It's Heather." she said smiling. "Now, get your Butter Cup, and go." she said smiling at me with a wink.

**Butters**

When I woke up, I was in a moving car. I felt another wave of nausea creep up, but I held it down. I felt a warm hand over my heart, and I looked up. Kenny was sitting with his eyes closed. I gently squeezed some part of him. I don't know what it was. I think it was his forearm.

"Hey, fella!" Al said smiling at me as we drove. "You feeling okay?"

"I feel okay." I said flatly. "My ribs just hurt, and I kinda wanna throw up again."

"Let us know so we can pull over." Kenny said flatly.

I could see it in him. For the last couple weeks, he'd been dragging a lot. I wished this would just be over. So, I can just resume a normal life. Kenny was dragging, and I feared soon, he would leave. This was too much for him, and I could tell.

"Thanks for dropping us off." Kenny said smiling.

"Will you need me to come get you two?" Al asked a little worried.

"Naw. We'll catch a ride with Stan, or Token, or even Cartman." he said smiling as he lifted me out of the car. "Thank you, Al."

"Thee you later, you two." he said waving. "Bye! Have a thuper fun time!"

"Thanks!" we both said as we walked off after Kenny slammed the door shut.

I pulled the hood of the orange jacket up a little to hide the tube sticking out from under my skin on my neck. Long turtle necks had also become part of my wardrobe now.

We both paid our way in, and found a group of people waiting by a ticket booth. I could hear music blasting from all directions and crowds and crowds of people were everywhere.

"Butters." Stan said coming up to me. "I brought something for you."

He took a joint from his pocket and lit it. Kenny was busy talking with Kyle, and I managed to smoke the whole thing before he even noticed I was gone. When I came back, he turned over to look at me.

"Oh, hay, Stan." he said smiling. "Butters, you didn't!" he scolded as he looked at me.

"Food, Butters?" Token asked. "Or do we wanna hit up the rides, first?"

The day was amazing. We started off by going on the roller coaster. The day—even though strange things kept happening to us—was incredible for me. I loved it very much. I hadn't had a day like this in a long long time. Almost like being cancer free. So, like I already said, we started off with the roller coaster.

"Dude!" Stan said from in front of me where he rode with Kyle. "I think we're screwed!"

"_You're screwed!" Kenny yelled back. "You're the one with the weak stomach."

The roller coaster brought us up to the very top of the hills. I gasped.

"Kenny!" I shouted happily. "Dude, there's a cotton candy stand over by the fortune teller's tent!"

"Yeah?" Kenny asked as he held me. We were waiting for the descent downward. "I'll buy you some after we get down from here!" he offered.

"Really?" I asked cheerfully. "That would be so cool! Thank you, Kenny!" I said smiling at him.

Suddenly, I was thrown back against him as the ride zoomed down. I started laughing so hard.

"Faster?" the operator asked through the mic. "If you want faster, you gotta yell for it!" he shouted.

"Take it to the limit!" Kenny yelled as the ride sped up. "Faster! Level seven!"

"What the fuck?" Kyle asked laughing. "Where the hell did you get that?"

The ride ended soon after, and we all dismounted. I felt woozy, and shaky. Kenny almost fell over as we all walked off in random directions.

"Ugh." I growled. "Too… much… ride. Not enough air."

All of us started laughing. Kyle came over and almost landed on the ground.

"Dude, that was almost a total face plant." Token said laughing as he came over to us. "Where the hell were you guys."

"On that one." Cartman moaned as he clutched at Scot's arm. "Kill meh."

"Don't mind if I do." Scot said snickering.

"Shut… your Ginger… mouth. Scot." Cartman moaned as he laid his head on the other boy's shoulder and dizzily closed his eyes. "Ugh."

"Good fatass. That's a good fatass." Scot said patting his half-brother on the head.

"Where to, now?" Kyle asked.

"I'm gonna go buy him a bag of cotton candy." Kenny said picking me up in his arms. "Blue?" he asked.

"Blue." I said smiling as we headed off to the stand.

"Oh, look!" I gasped ten minutes later as I ate the sugar. "Gold fish!"

It was a fish themed game. One fifty for three balls. You had to throw them into a crocodile's mouth, and you'd win a very pretty gold fish. I gasped and squirmed in my boyfriend's arms.

"I bet you I can win one for you." he said kissing my face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah!" I said smiling. "That would be really neat!"

"Kay. Let's do it!" he said as he carried me off to the gold fish booth.

"Three balls." Kenny said to the lady at the stand.

"Oh, hey!" she said smiling. "One fifty."

Kenny put me down and stepped over to where he was supposed to go.

"Come on, Kenny!" said a voice. "You can do it!"

"Yeah! You can do it, Kenny!"

I turned to see Rebecca and Red standing together. They had their arms linked.

Kenny took the first ball, and cocked his arm back. He aimed, and threw. The ball hit the crock's jaw, and bounced off.

"Just testing you!" he said looking at the crock as if it could hear him. "This next one's for reals."

"There's no way, you can do it, Kinny." Cartman said as he walked over to me. "You're gonna fail."

The second ball hit the crock in the jaw, again, and I almost groaned out loud. Kenny was my hero. He'd make the last one. He'd get me a gold fish.

"Hell yes!" he yelled as he slammed the third ball into the crocodile's mouth. "Fuck you, crock! No one messes with Kenny McCormick!"

"Nice job." the lady said smiling at him. "Which gold fish were you looking at?" she asked.

Kenny came over and picked me up. He took me over to the tank, and I gasped as my eyes fell on a small reddish, bluish purple kind of fish. He honest to God had all three colors. Red and purplish blue kind of thing.

"That one." Kenny said pointing to it. "He wants that one."

"All right."

The lady tried to get it, but she came up with four different ones, and didn't get the right one. She sighed sadly. "You give it a try." she said as Kenny put me down.

**Kenny**

His eyes were set on the gold fish. I felt useful to him as I won the fish, and almost got angry when the useless incompetent lady couldn't even catch him. I took the net she gave me, and I put Butters down. I walked over to the tank, and I plunged the net into the water. The multicolored fish jumped right into my grip, and I yelled.

"Fuck yes!" I said as my insides soared. Anything I could give my Butter Cup was worth this much excitement. Especially when the lady put it into a pretty gold fish bowl, and handed it to me. I walked over to him, and handed it to him.

"Oh, Kenny!" he gushed as his face lit up. "You're amazing! It's the most beautiful gold fish ever! Thank you, Kenny!" he said smiling brightly at me. "I love it!"

"Yeah?" I asked smiling. "He likes you, too." I said smiling. "What are you gonna name him? And don't say, Kenny!" I warned.

"Lamont." he said smiling.

"Perfect." I said as we both thanked the lady.

His face was bright, and he looked like he was on cloud nine. Again. It was a familiar long forgotten look. I loved it all the same. He looked beautiful as he held his prize in his hands, and we headed off to find the others.

"Where did you get that pretty fish, Butters?" Wendy asked as we met up with her and Stan.

"My Kenny got it for me." he said beaming at her. "His name's Lamont."

"Aw! He looks so cute!" Bebe cooed as she came sidling up to us.

"Are you sure it's not one of those evil parallel universe fish?" Cartman asked from beside me. "It might just kill us. Or Kinny."

"You are… by far… the weirdest kid, I have ever known." Scot said as he grabbed a chip from Cartman's bag.

"How are you hanging out with him?" I asked. "Really. I'd kill him at every opportunity I got."

"I think he learned his lesson." Scot said going white. "He's a ginger, Kenny. He's pretty much gone insane already. Notice the lack of insults."

"Yeah." Kyle said laughing. "And when he does insult you, he doesn't have that bitter bite to it anymore."

"Screw you guys." Cartman said.

"You're goin' home." Scot finished for him. "Bye."

"Hey, Butters!" said a familiar voice. "You wanna can of fish food?" he asked. "I got two. Here."

Garrison took a little can of food, and handed it to Butters. Butters smiled at him as he took it.

"You boys better be careful." Garrison said glaring all around at us. "Remember what you boys did last year."

"That was hella sick." Cartman said smiling. "We totaled those bumper cars."

"Let's ride on the go carts instead this time." Scot said grinning wickedly at us.

Stan took Butters's fish and put it in his car. I took Butters and made my way to the strip that contained food stands. I didn't know how he would react. One joint hadn't gotten him as high as three the first time he did it. I sighed.

"What you wanna eat?" I asked. "Anything look good to you?"

"Strawberries." he said pointing to the single strawberries with whipped cream stand.

"Oho!" I said laughing. "All right, Butter Scotch."

We managed to eat our way through forty bucks worth of food just in between me, him, Stan, and Kyle. Butters didn't have severe munchies, but he was still hungry as hell.

"What do we wanna do next?" Cartman asked as he munched on trail mix.

"Lets… uh." Stan moaned. "Uh. Let's… naw. That's retarded. Let's… uh. Ugh."

"Go Carts!" Butters called out happily.

**Butters**

I felt content, and happy. Kenny was with me, and for once I was having an okay day. I felt fine. The nausea had stopped a little bit, and I felt painless. The weed really worked. Kenny picked me up, and I moaned.

"Do you always have to carry me?" I asked.

"Yeah, now deal with it." he said as he walked off to the Go Carts.

"Driver's license?" the man asked.

Kenny produced his license, and they let us pass. We all watched as people lined up in pairs. Eric and Scot, Kyle and Stan, Token and Ike. Kenny and I. **Kenny.**

Soon, we were riding around the track, and I felt free of any care for the first time in ages. I was smiling as Kenny and Scot started a race. Both of them were yelling insults at each other, and trying to cut each other off. Kenny gave Scot the finger, and Eric and I both laughed.

"I bet you fall off the track, Kenny!" Scot chortled. "I bet you fall off the track."

"You'll eat those words, you fuck pole!" Kenny yelled as he accelerated.

The race was won, and Cartman and I had a blast. I smiled as he pulled me out of the track. This is where things started to go wrong, in Kenny's opinion.

We went back on to the roller coaster, and this time, we all got stuck. We were up there for twenty minutes before we were unexpectedly slammed downward, screaming.

"Ugh." Stan groaned as we all touched down. "Never again."

"Let's go again?" Kyle asked looking over at him.

"Okay." Everyone laughed as the pair got in line.

"Where are- where- where are- we - we headed now?" Jimmy stammered.

"Dude." Cartman said smiling. "Ever wonder what it would be like to be a kid again?" he asked.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kenny wondered.

"Merry-go-round." Cartman said smiling.

"I'll stay out." I said biting back a wave of sickness.

"Me too." Kenny said smiling.

"No. Go, Kenny. I'll push you guys." I said smiling brightly at him.

I didn't know I had that much strength. I stood by spinning the contraption as I watched their faces as they all spun. Kenny swayed slightly as he tried to gather his Barings.

"Lean to the left!" Cartman yelled as I spun faster.

"Faster, Butters!" Scot yelled. "Faster!"

"This is complete trippiness, here." Jimmy said without a stutter. "I am totally dizzy."

"Whoa. Look at all the colors." Kenny gushed. "Butters, you're blue."

I laughed as the toy came to a stop. The boys all collapsed in a big pile of flesh, and I smiled to myself. This was perfect.

"Let's… go on the bumper cars." I said as I helped all the guys get themselves together.

"And then," Stan suggested coming up behind us. "I can post all those pictures of you guys on Facebook."

"Go ahead." Jimmy challenged. "I'll show- I'll- I'll show- the pi-pi-picture- I'll show the picture I have of you kissing Bebe."

"Photo shopped." Stan said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah." I said smiling. "Thanks you guys. A lot."

"Where to?" Kenny asked coming over and picking me up again.

"Kenny." I sighed.

"I have to." he said softly looking into my eyes. "I can't be away from you for a minute. It feels sickening."

I smiled at his sweetness. I felt loved. So much. And it was Kenny.

**Kenny**

We headed off to the bumper cars, and I settled myself into one with Butters. Soon, it was time, and we were all zooming off. My stupidity takes the best of me sometimes, and I hated that it had to be present today. The slamming and jostling of the carts must have set him off, because when we got off, he ran away. I found him near a trash can throwing up two minutes later. I felt like shit. I should've been more careful.

"Don't be sorry." he said as he and I walked back to the rides ten minutes later. "It's fine, Kenny. You didn't know. I didn't know, either." he added smiling brightly at me. The smile didn't extend to his eyes.

We went on the Ferris Wheel. Good, right? It was the perfect opportunity to sit with him, and hold on to him tight? Wrong.

The safety bars were not put right, and when we were hanging in midair, ready to fall back to earth, Butters was flung off the cart by the force. I just remember yelling and screaming as he clung tightly to one of my hands. I was trying to get my footing, trying to get the bar back under control, trying to get the dangling Butters to safety again. Butters smiled the whole time, as my insides froze.

"It's okay, Kenny!" he yelled as everyone around us screamed. "You'll save me! I know you will!"

The kid believed way too much in me. That's the truth.

I took fifteen minutes, and he was slipping away from me. His hand was too slippery, and he was falling.

"Hold on, Leopold!" I shouted as I gave one last tug.

Soon, he was flung back on to my lap, and the movement of the cart forced the others to come riding down, and we all screamed as we were flung back down to earth. I clutched a trembling Butters to me, and I almost cried.

"Told yuh you'd save me." he said with a beaming smile. "You're my hero, Kenny."

I hate you. So… very… much. So… deeply… hate you. I am not a hero, dammit!

"Okay." Stan said as he hugged Butters when we were on the ground. "Now. Where the hell are we going next?"

"What time are we at?" I asked. I knew the timer would set off soon, and Butters would be hit with another portion of his daily dose of horror.

"Two in the afternoon." Kyle called a little far off. "Where to, now?"

"Let's go on the spinning bear." Butters suggested.

"Butters." I moaned. "You'll throw up."

"Stan just snuck him a joint." Kyle snitched.

"Oh, thanks Kyle." Stan growled. "Bear?" he asked.

"Bears!" Butters agreed cheerfully. I couldn't say no.

It was a really big bear, that you climbed into , and sat around a big table which was actually a wheel that you spun to make the bear spin.

All of us climbed in, and the operator came and pulled the chain over the gap so no one could fall out. He grinned, and walked back to his stand. All of us gripped the edges of the wheel, and waited.

There was a huge lurch, and all of a sudden, we were spinning slowly. Butters grabbed a huge part of the wheel, and spun as hard as he could. For a Hodgkin's patient, he was strong.

"Dude." Stan said stupidly. "Fuck. It's all… spinny."

"Yeah." Scot said as he sped us up. "You feelin' it, Butters?" he asked.

"Feelin' it?" Butters asked. "Feelin' high." he muttered dumbly.

We lasted about five minutes, before time was up, and we crashed all over each other as the bear stopped spinning. Ugh, I felt sick.

"What now?" I asked as we all walked off and headed to find something else to do.

"I'm gonna go throw up." Cartman muttered.

"No way. Throwing up is for losers." Butters said winking a huge wink at Cartman.

"Okay, seriously." I said grinning. "What do you guys feel like doing?"

I felt crappy. Butters was so not having a good day, and I didn't know how to fix it. Half of me wanted to yank him out of the whole mess and just take him back home. He looked happy enough, though. I couldn't bring myself to do so. We went home about eight in the evening, Butters looked content.

"Kenny?" he asked as I helped him get into his pajamas. We'd eaten at Al's place.

"I'm really sorry about today, Butter Scotch." I said softly. "I am so sorry."

"Why?" Butters asked smiling at me. "Kenny-."

I went over the events of today. Butter's almost death, his other sickness. I was almost crying when I went through the bumper cart incident.

"Kenny, what about what I think?" he asked.

**Butters**

"I just… I saw you looking down." he said as tears filled his eyes.

"Today was absolutely the best day ever." I said softly. "I got to go on rides, I got cotton candy, I got to be with my friends. Kenny," I gasped. "I got to be with you! Most of my time was spent either in your lap or in your arms." I said softly. "You fed me straw berries, you won me a gold fish!" I said looking over at Lamont.

"You promise?" he asked.

"Yeah!" I said smiling. "I swear."

"You know what would make it even more perfect?" I asked a little while later as we both laid down.

"Hmmm?"

"Take me!" I begged. "Take me, Kenny."

"Are you sure?" he asked softly. "Really?"

"Yes."

I got up, and undressed from my recently slipped on pajamas. He did the same thing. I smiled as we both stared at each other.

He came to me, and I laid myself on the bed. He gently laid himself on top of me, and took our erections and stroked them together. I sighed as the feelings of warmth and pleasure washed over me.

"Make love to me, Kenny!" I gasped. "Please!"

"I gotta go find the lube!" he moaned.

"Screw the lube!" I moaned as I flipped us both over. I slid off of him, and devoured his cock. He moaned delighted as I licked him up and down. He tasted so sweet. Kenny. He tasted so beautiful. When he was soaked, I gently laid down beside him.

He positioned himself between my legs, and I smiled warmly at him as he gently placed himself inside me. The head of his cock gently popped into me, and I gasped.

"Here." he said taking my hand. "You squeeze if you feel any pain."

"Kenny." I moaned as he gently inched his way in.

It was the most beautiful feeling ever. His weight crushed me in a loving way. I was surrounded by him. Everywhere I touched, I felt muscle, and soft flesh. The smell of honey surrounded me, and I wanted to stay in this position for the rest of my life. I could die right here, and not give a darn.

"Move." I pleaded looking him deep in the eyes.

Kenny started with slow strokes. I couldn't help myself. I lost control of my vocals, and I began to moan.

"Oh, Kenny! I love you!" I gasped. "Oh, Kenny! You feel so-so, good!" I moaned.

"Ugh! You do, too, Butter Cup!" he groaned passionately as he sped up. "I love you, Leopold!" he moaned. "Oh, you feel so good!" he gasped.

I moaned out his name as he stroked in and out. He claimed my mouth with his sweet one, and I moaned. "Kenny!" I screamed as I felt something new. "What the heck did you do?" I moaned.

"This?" he asked jabbing into me again.

"Oh, yes!" I moaned as my cock grew, if possible, even harder. "Ugh! What did you do?"

"It's your prostate, Butter Cup." he moaned. "Look."

"Oh, gawd! Right there, Kenny! Harder!" I pleaded. "Right there! Yes! More! Kenny!" I moaned.

"Ho, that's it, baby!" he coaxed as he began to pant. "Wear my name out, Leopold!" he begged. "I told you I'd have you screaming my name soon enough!" he moaned. "Oh, you're so beautiful."

"Kenny!" I moaned. "I'm so close!" I gasped. "Stroke me!" I pleaded.

He reached down, and wrapped his fingers around my shaft. He pumped for dear life as he went in sync with his stroking in and out of me. I was in heaven.

**Kenny**

He was mine. He was mine, and nobody else's. I had just claimed him. He was mine. Oh, Leopold. My love. My beautiful boy.

"Ugh!" Butters let out a passionate scream as he threw his head back on to the pillow. "Kennnnnnyyy!" he exploded right into my hand, and I exploded right into him.

We both lay there for quite some time, before pulling apart. I still held him tight, as I closed my eyes. We had to clean up. Fuck it. I'm too tired.

"Today was the perfect day." Butters said softly. "Kenny. I love you. Always."

"I love you, too, Butter Cup." I said softly as I lifted the boy into my arms. "I love you."

"Hold me tight." he begged. "I don't want to be without you. Hold me tight."


	23. Death

**Death**

I was lying beside him, and the alarm was going off. The radio was playing amazing grace. I looked at the clock. It was already eleven fifteen in the morning! Butters usually set the alarm for nine-thirty when there was no school! Why hadn't he gotten up?

"Butters." I said softly as I relaxed into the bed. "Go turn off the alarm clock." There was no answer. "Butters!" I said punching him in the stomach. "Go turn it off!"

I groaned as I sat up. Fucking lazy shit. I got up, and walked over and turned it off. I yawned and I walked back to the bed.

"Butters." I said shaking him. "You hungry?"

Butters felt, strange. I turned the boy over, and gasped. His face was drained of all color. I opened one of his eye lids, and tears filled my eyes.

"No." I said softly. "No. Butters?"

I lifted his shirt, and placed a hand on his heart. There was nothing.

"Butters!" I screamed as the wind was knocked out of me. "Butters!" My voice broke as I screamed out. "Buuuutttttttters!" my voice was so loud it cracked.

I began to cry as I held the limp figure in my arms. I laid my head on to his chest, and sobbed for what felt like the longest time. He was supposed to be strong. He was supposed to make it through. Butters. My love had left me. He had left me. Oh, God. My God. My Leopold.


	24. Emotions and Closeness

**Emotion and Closeness**

**Butters**

I shook the limp form vigorously. He looked like the light had just been taken from his sleeping closed lids.

"Kenny?" I said softly. "Kenny, what? Kenny, please, wake up." I pleaded. "Kenny, please."

With a strength I'd never seen in him, he pushed me off of him, sat up, and looked around. I saw tears threatening to fall from his eyes, but he swallowed them back, and smiled happily at me. He pulled me into his arms, and held me very close.

"I love you, Butters. Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah." I said truthfully. "You're right here with me."

"You're almost there, Butter Cup." he said softly. "It's almost September."

"Kenny?" I asked with a big sigh., "I know you're trying to comfort me, but we're only in the middle of July. I've got several rounds of Chemo to go." I explained sadly.

"Are you okay?" I asked looking into his eyes. There was pain, and hurt, and sadness in them.

"Yeah." he lied.

"Honestly. If I can be honest with you, then, you have to return that." I begged.

"I had a terrifying dream." he said softly. "Butters, my world would fall apart…."

Without finishing his thoughts, he got up, and left. My heart ached at the sudden lack of closeness. Kenny and I'd hardly separated when I was out of the hospital. He either held me by his side, or cradled me lovingly in his arms. Even when we weren't right beside each other, he was within my eye sight. Now, he'd unexpectedly gotten out and left. What was wrong?

I heard the shower running, and decided it was better to wait. I would've gladly joined him, but I knew better. He needed this to himself. I found it really didn't matter. Kenny wouldn't leave me, would he? My stomach did a few squirms as I thought about it. If he left, I would have no one. Mom and dad were gone, and I was alone but for him.

"You said I'd be okay, Kenny." I said out loud before I could stop myself. "If you leave, I'll surely…."

The rest of the day was tense. I hated it. Today wasn't a dose day, but I still had to wear a turtle neck, so the small tube in my neck wouldn't show. I hated it. It wasn't like wearing turtle necks to hide Kenny's hickeys. It was worse.

It was around lunch time, that Kenny left the house completely. He didn't even so much as say a word to me. I wondered where he was going.

"Kenny?" I called as he opened the door. "Kenny? Where are you going? Get food for Lamont! Kenny?" The door slammed shut painfully, and he was gone.

**Kenny**

I made it all the way to Kyle's place. I hoped, so much, that Rebecca wasn't there. I needed to talk with someone. With Kyle. He was my friend, after all. Not as tight as Stan, but he was my friend. My luck ran dry. Kyle was nowhere to be found, and his mom said he was at Rebecca's place. I didn't want to make my way over there.

"Kinny?" a voice called. "You okay?"

The last person I expected—and maybe wanted—to see. Cartman stood by the pond, looking down at it. Sun was casting a glisten on his bald head. I still couldn't believe the guys had done this for my Butter Cup.

"Are yuh all right?" he asked.

"Yeah." I lied. "How you doin'?"

"Worried." he said. "And I'm not gonna lie."

"Sorry." I said as I turned away. "I've gotta go." I needed to run away. I needed to find someone to talk to.

"Talk to meh." Cartman said standing in front of me and blocking my path. "You're lying, and you know you're not okay. It's about Butters?" he asked. "I'm listening."

"Look, fatass. It's not something that comes easy to me. And with you? You of all people? It just, makes it worse."

"Look, I know I've done some shitty things in my past."

"That doesn't even begin to describe what you've done in your past." I said bitterly. Whether I was trying to intimidate him, or just because I was mad, I don't know. But I began talking as Mysterion. "You're responsible for Kyle's three almost deaths, the amputation of a boy's foot. Cartman, you paid strangers to nearly rape Butters! The boy's just lucky I was there! You're responsible for sending so many people to Mental institutions!" I yelled. "And you want me to believe, that all of a sudden, Eric Fattass Cartman is playing for the good side? Just because you shaved your head like the guys? Because you told Butters you were sorry, and he willingly forgave you? Butters is too damn nice for his own good! One day, that's gonna bite him in the ass."

What the hell had come over me? Why was I here? Why wasn't Butters with me? I hadn't separated from him if I could help it. When he wasn't lying on a cot, he was lying in my arms, or beside me. Or at least not far from my view. What was wrong with me?

"Look, Kinny. I realize I messed up. Cal and the rest of you really do hate meh, to some extent. I don't really care if anyone believes meh, or not. People grow up. People change."

"But all the shit you've done can't just be erased!" I yelled as tears filled my eyes. "You killed me!" I moaned. "Last year, over a stupid fight we had, you killed me!"

"I didn't kill you. I stabbed you, and you made it through." he said simply

"No, Cartman!" I yelled as tears flooded my eyes. "I actually died! You just… can't remember, because for some reason, none of you can! Butters knows!" I yelled. "You can even ask him. I die all the time."

"Look." he said sighing. "Let's stay on the topic of the conversation here. I'm sorry. I know it's gonna take a long ass time to clear my name. But who cares. You can choose to believe meh, or not. I know who made it happen, and I don't know how. All that matters, is I've got Scot, and everything will be okay. If you're willing to give me a chance. I know you're looking for someone to talk to, and I just thought, why not try."

"What happened to you?" I asked as the tears flowed from my eyes. "Who did what to you, Cartman? What do you want? Who's money are you planning to take now?"

"No one. I don't know what happened. I guess, Scot happened."

"I still don't know how that Ginger forgave you for what you did."

"I don't either." he said in a soft tone. "I should've gone to jail for what I did. Hard time. Is Butters okay?"

He was the only one there. The only one thus far extending a hand to me. So, I took it. I was led to a log, and we both sat down. I couldn't stop crying.

"Everything will turn out." he muttered as he laid a hand on my shoulder.

"I keep telling him that, but I don't really believe it anymore." I moaned. "I just want my life back! Our lives back! I just want him to be a kid again! Cartman, he's counting on me way too much! I can't break down in front of him, because I feel like he's expecting me to be strong for both of us. It's way too fucking much!" I sobbed. "I need something! I need relief. I need normalcy again."

"Yesterday was pretty normal." he said softly. "You treated Butters like a king. He deserves that. Always."

"You know what he says to people?" I asked. "People who ask if he's doing okay?"

"Yes." Cartman said visibly flinching. "I've asked him. He says he's fine. That everything's going to be okay,"

We said the last phraise together. "Because Kenny said so."

"Do you know how much pain I go through whenever he says that?" I asked. "Because what if something happens, and he's not okay? I hate it when he says that. When he says, "Kenny said so." Because Kenny said so, but things can still go wrong." I sobbed. "I just want to die, and not come back." I moaned. "Ever."

"Do you think maybe you should tell him all you've just told meh?" Cartman asked. "Maybe you should sit with him, and cry with him?"

"I can't do that. I'm supposed to be the strong one. He's expecting me to. You know what I dreamed last night, Cartman?"

And I told him. About the body lying next to me. About the way Butters's corpse had been so real. The pain I felt after I awoke. How badly my heart ached for the boy.

"That's," Even he couldn't say a word. "That's harsh." he finally said after a while. "Gross."

"Maybe all you need to do, is talk with him." Cartman advised. "Maybe. Maybe it will bring you two even closer if that's possible. I believe it is."

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked.

"I don't… know." he said slowly. "I guess, Scot happened to me."

But as a brother? Or as more? Just then, said boy came walking into Stark's. He saw us, and came walking over.

"Hey, Kenny." he said sitting down on the other side of his half-brother. "Hey, tubby."

"You know, I'm not fat anymore." Cartman muttered.

"Some nicknames never die." Scot and I said in unison.

"Fuck you guys." Cartman said sadly.

"Go be with Butters. He's probably falling apart because you treated him coldly this morning." Cartman observed.

"I'll see you both later." I said softly. "Bye."

I walked slowly back to Butters's place. Hopefully, he hadn't left. It didn't take too long, and soon, I was at the door. I turned the handle, and it opened. I heard a song playing on the radio from in the kitchen.

"I want it all baaaaaaaaack!

I want it all, I want it all,

Baby I want it all back."

I walked in, and closed the door.

**Butters**

After Kenny left, I picked up the phone, and called Wendy. She picked up at the second ring. I almost regretted calling her.

"Hello?" she asked.

"W-Wendy?" I stammered. "Are you b-busy?" I asked.

"No, sweetie!" she said cheerfully. "What do you need? Where's Kenny?"

"I, I don't know." I said truthfully. "I can't find him."

"I'll be on my way. See you in fifteen minutes." she said assertively.

"Thank you." I muttered sadly.

"Don't worry." she said sweetly. "I'll be over soon."

She didn't take that long to get here. I listened as Kenny's phone rang, but I made no move to get it. There was a knock at my door, and it opened. Wendy came walking in.

It was a situation with Kenny that got Wendy to look out for me a lot more. The girls all liked him because he used to be a big flirt. Bebe and Wendy didn't think it was wise to date him, because he'd end up hurting me. I felt the same, but I tried it, and decided to have faith in him. He truly did seem sincere.

"Hey, Butters." she said as I walked over and brought her in. "How are you? Oh, dear. You look a little flustered. What's the matter?" she asked.

"Kenny's the matter." I said sighing.

"What happened?" she asked. "Did you guys break up? Really, Kenny, now? Oh, my God! Butters, I'm going to kill him!"

"No. No, we're not broken up." I said smiling at her.

I told her all about what happened last night after we got home. About how he thought he'd made the worst day in history happen to me. We got stuck on rides, I threw up, all that jazz. I told her about this morning. As I talked, I watched her expression carefully. It went from pensive, to relieved, to sad. Then, questioning.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Okay. I guess. Kenny said-."

"No." Wendy said softly laying a hand on mine. "Let go of him for a while. Put Kenny aside, and focus on your own feelings. How do you feel?" she asked again. "Leave Kenny out of this. Sure, he said you'd be okay, but leave that for now."

I thought about what she was asking. How did I feel? It had been a long time since I'd really processed my emotions and thought about how I felt. It was mostly how Kenny and I both felt. Optimistic, strong, happy. But even I knew now as I thought about it, that Kenny's happiness was fake. And mine, it was, too.

"Scared." I said softly. "I feel alone. Mom and dad are gone. I'm going through chemo, I lost my hair." I said sighing. "I feel like throwing down the towel. I hate this feeling. I hate it."

"Have you ever once thought about how you feel alone?" she asked. "Without Kenny coming into it once?"

"Not really." I said softly. "I guess. I feel like crying. Every time Stan and the rest come to see me, or when they went to see me at the hospital, I saw right through their bull. They were all pretending that everything was going to be okay. Wendy, I'm seventeen years old, and I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I'm seventeen years old, and I could die." As I said that, everything came crashing down on me, and I felt suffocated. I felt smothered.

"I'm counting way too much on Kenny." I said softly. "He's setting me up to fail."

"Butters, no." she said softly. "I came here to help you figure out why Kenny's gone. He couldn't talk to you. You need to approach him, and talk with him. About you, about your relationship. You two need to cry together." she said softly. "Let him know your feelings. Let him know your pain. So that way, he doesn't have to go to strangers and cry his own feelings to them. Butters, Kenny needs to talk with Butters, but he's going to Stan, Kyle, and even Eric." she said simply. "And you need to talk to Kenny, but you're coming to me, or smoking weed to try and numb the pain. Because you've been smoking more. It's not just about the Chemo anymore, is it?" she asked. "I've seen you go to Scot for joints, Butters. You're doing it behind Kenny's back, and it's hurting you, and it's going to hurt him. All you need to do, is talk to him."

**Kenny**

"That you, Ken?" His voice sounded sad, and sweet at once.

"Yeah." I said as I walked over to him. He was making himself a glass of iced tea.

"Want some?" he asked.

"I'd love some, Butter Scotch." I said smiling.

He walked slowly around making the tea, and finally sat down placing a glass in front of me. He and I stared at each other for quite a long time. I didn't know if I should break the silence or not.

"I just want my life back." Butters said with tears in his eyes. "I just want you."

"You've got me." I said as my own throat clogged up and I tried to stop the tears. It was hopeless.

"No, Kenny." Butters said sadly. "I don't completely have you. Because there's a difference between having reassurance, and having something sugar coated." he said. "Do you get me?"

"Yeah." I said softly. "Butters, you can cry, you know. I don't expect you to be strong. I don't. This is really fucked up. I expect you to cry, and weep, and beg for comfort. I don't expect you to be the one telling people things are going to be okay because I said so. You're supposed to be the one reassured."

"I expect," he said wiping tears from his eyes. "A lot of things. I expect my mom and dad to be here, I expect you to be able to talk about the way you feel to me. Like what the fuck happened this morning?" he asked.

"Whoa." I said as an uncontained smile crept over my face. Butters had just cussed.

"This morning?" I asked. "This morning I was being a douche bag."

"No shit! But, for what reasons?" he asked.

"I had a terrifying dream." I started. "I woke up, and the alarm clock was on. When I tried to tell you to turn it off, you wouldn't move. I got up, turned it off, and walked back. I saw you, turned you over, and…."

My eyes flooded over, and I began to steadily cry. I needed to hold his small frame. To make sure for myself that he was alive, and warm. To make sure that he'd never leave my side if he could help it. I drained my tea in one gulp, and he did too. We both got up, and I walked over to him. I picked him up, and felt relief flood through him as he molded himself into my body. He let out a soft pleading moan, and began to cry as I led us both to the couch.

"I lost you!" I sobbed. "I swore it was real, Leopold! I can't take that! It would hurt too much. I lost you. I love you!" I sobbed as my head fell to rest on the boy's chest. "I love you so much, and if anything happened to you, I'd, I don't know." I sobbed. "Try to kill myself so that I could get back to you. You just don't understand how much I really love you. How can I explain!" I sobbed. "How are you?" I finally asked.

"Tired!" he sobbed as we both clung to each other. "I need something to take this all away, Kenny! I need something! Anything! I just hate Chemo. I have no hair anymore." he moaned. "And you know what else?" he asked softly. "I've lost about two more pounds."

"Why don't you tell me these things?" I moaned.

"I didn't want you to worry."

"Butters!" I groaned as I tried not to be angry with the boy. "I'm here to help you. You need to let me know how I can." I pleaded.

For the next fifteen minutes, Butters and I just sat holding each other tight. Tears seemed to be a never ending thing as we both sat there. I felt so much pain, and I had no clue how to handle it. Imagine what he felt.

"I look… so bad!" he finally sobbed. "I'm not the s-same anymore. My hair's all gone, my bones always ache. I'm being destroyed." he moaned. "I just want everything to be okay. Remember when we used to be kids?" he asked. "Remember just having to deal with simple stuff? Like an intervention for Towelie?"

"Yeah." I said sighing. "I'm so sorry. I wish, I could be a little more help to you."

"Being with you is enough." he said looking me straight in the eyes as we both sat there weeping. "Being able to reach out and feel you." He reached out and touched my face with a warm hand.

I smiled as I reached out and touched the underside of his jaw. Lump? What the fuck!


	25. Back to Aurora

**Back to Aurora**

Al and I drove off once again the next day. It was a Friday, and we both hoped we could see the doctors. Butters looked hopelessly sad. He looked let down again. It was an expression I really hated to see. His phone rang in his pocket, and he dug his hand into it, pulling it out.

"Hello, mom." he said sadly. "I'm going to the hospital… again. … I'm not even done with Chemo. … Yes, mom. Amazing what you don't know about me." he spat bitterly. "Big Gay Al and Kenny. … Well of course, Kenny's my boyfriend. … Well you can just go to hell for that. I can't be grounded, anymore. I'm almost eighteen, and besides, I'm already going through enough. … Look, I'm not in the mood to deal with this. … Mom, this isn't about psychology! I love Kenny, and he…," Butters stopped, and I felt him tense. "He, loves, me." Really, Butters? We were back to this again? Do you really doubt my love that much? "I'm hanging up now. Bye." he said as he hung up.

An hour and fifteen minutes later, we were back in the hospital. People recognized us already. It was strange, and felt somehow terrifying. I walked up to the counter with Butters and Al in tow.

"Hello, Kenny." the receptionist said smiling. "Is Mr. Stotch back for another dose?"

"No, he needs X-rays again." I said sadly. "Is there a way to schedule same day?" I asked.

"Why, sure. Let's see what we can do."

We waited for ten minutes while the lady put in the orders for the X-rays. Soon, we were all headed up to Radiology. Soon, Butters was being led away by the now familiar radiologist who had become part of his team of doctors.

"How?" I asked sadly as we sat waiting. "How is this happening? After all that chemo he's been through? After all that bullshit, and still this?"

"It'll be okay, Kenny." Al said sadly. "I know it gets tiring, but it'll all be over thoon."

Butters came back in no time, accompanied by a very familiar nurse.

"Hello, again, Al." she said smiling. "Kenny. How are you both?" she asked.

"Fine." we said in unison. "What happens now?" I asked. That seemed to be a question I've been asking a lot.

"Dr. Ramsey is looking at the scans now, and reading over them with the radiologist. We may have a radiotherapist join us."

"Oh hamburgers." Butters moaned. "Radiotherapy? Isn't drugs enough?" he grumbled. "Can you come with me to find water bottles?" Butters asked Al. "Kenny, you have to wait here, in case Ramsey comes back."

I watched Butters and Al leave the waiting room. I stared at Heather, who stared back.

"You know something." I said softly.

"No, I don't." she said looking equally as down. "I do know that he really is strong. He's a fighter."

"No, he's a lover. Not a fighter." I said snickering a little. "This sucks total donkey balls." I looked up at her and realized what I'd just said. "Sorry, Nurse Mason." I said blushing.

"Don't be." she said chuckling. "Butters is very much your opposite, isn't he?"

"Yeah. I'm tall and muscular and he's small and effeminate. I have a sailor's mouth, and he uses things like, fudge, and darn, and hamburgers. I wear an orange jacket, and he wears turquoise." I said sadly. The last observation was sad, and soft.

"He was telling me about his day at the fair." she said as she took a seat beside me. "How you won him a gold fish."

"Yeah." I said softly. "He really liked it."

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I don't really know. Am I doing everything right? Is there a way I can be there more for him? What can I do to heal him? To make some of the pain go away?"

"Just love him. Just encourage him to fight. Butters needs someone like you. Every single thing you do, Kenny, whether it's a hug, or a gift, it makes the biggest difference. I was talking about this with your friend, Stanley." she said smiling.

"Stan was here?" I asked.

"After the fair, he came over and had a quick word with me. He really wants Butters to get better. It's tough for him to deal."

"Yeah." I said sighing. "I got sick once, and I nearly died." I said sighing. "Stan had trouble visiting me in the hospital, too."

"It was so pretty!" I heard Butters saying as he and Al came walking back. "It's got red, and purple, and blue! I named him Lamont."

"Really?" Al asked as they both came walking in. "Kenny mutht be a good aim."

"He is." Butters bragged. "He's really strong, too."

"Butters!" said a voice as Dr. Ramsey came walking out through a door. "Will you four come into my office, please?" he asked.

Heather, and Al stood up. Butters doubled back and came over to me. He took my hand and we both walked off. Fuck my life.

"If your life had a face, Leopold," I said softly. "I'd punch the hell out of it."

"Yeah, huh? I'd break its nose." he said as we both walked through the door and down the hall.

Ramsey looked a little down. We all made it into his office, and took seats. I sat in an arm chair, with Butters straddling my lap.

"So?" I asked again. Damn, when were these type of questions going to end?

"Butters was in remission for a while. Apparently, it's come back. Aside from the lump on his jaw, we found a small mass deep in the back of his leg. Kind of on the back of his knee."

"You mean, after all this chemo, I still have cancer?" Butters asked a little tense. "Really?"

"Thing is, Butters," Ramsey tried. "We caught it. Seventy-five percent of Hodgkin's patients survive if the thing is caught within a certain timeline."

"But not my boy." I said softly. "Not Butters."

"This is only a setback." Ramsey tried. "Remission usually lasts longer. This is a fluke."

"I'm not even done with my treatment yet!" Butters shouted. "And I'm not staying on it! I'm not taking those drugs again!" he yelled sternly.

"You're not doing it again, Butters." Ramsey said solemnly. "I'm going to put you on radiation treatments."

My heart stopped for a bit. Even if I did expect it, and was warned of it subconsciously, every single time I was hit with something new that my Butter Cup had to face, I felt a slight piece of my soul torn away. Another shred of hope visibly vanish. Radiation?

"Radiation?" I asked sadly. "Really, Dr. Ramsey?"

"You promised I'd be cured." Butters said bitterly.

"You still have a chance, Butters. You have to believe in this." Ramsey egged. "You just have to."


	26. Unexpected Revelation

**Unexpected Revelation**

Butters had to wait until he was told exactly what was going to happen. In the meantime, we were all sent back home. Why the hell was this happening? This was so unfair to the poor kid. He was just that. A kid. This was too much.

I left his place to go back to my place and practically empty out the last of my junk in my room. I had officially unintentionally moved into Butters's place. His mom and dad were going to cry or kill me when they came back. Oh well.

"Kenny?" A very familiar voice cut through my thoughts as I walked back to Butters's house. "Kenny, are you going back to school this next year?" Millie asked.

"It doesn't look like it. If Butters goes back to school, then, I'll do it, too. Right now, it looks bad."

"You know…" She looked like she was having trouble saying something.

"What?" I asked. "What is it?"

"Kenny, I'm sorry." she said softly. "But…"

"What?" I asked. "What is it you wanna say to me, Mills?"

"Well, Kenny, you're missing a lot. You're missing parties, and things. The carnival's still in town, and none of you guys have gone back again." she said. "Not, Token, Clyde, Craig. Not Tweek."

"Your point?" I asked as I rounded a corner and crossed the street.

"You have lives, too. Don't you think you've gotten way too wrapped up in Butters's illness?" she asked. "That's just what it is. Butters's illness! Not Kenny and Kyle's illness. Not Stan's illness. Hell, even Wendy won't do things like normal. Everyone's turning into some kind of depressed zombie. You've got your own life to live." she pressed.

"I can't… believe… you're saying this." I said softly. "Really, Mildred, really?" I asked. "Are you that cold?"

"Kenny, it's just, you seem to really… "love" Butters." She made air quotes around the word love.

"Are you looking for a chance with me?" I asked laughing hollowly. "Are you looking for a chance with me, Millie?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, I'm practically the only student in South Park that never got a taste of that McCormick charm." she said smiling. "And I'd like to be on call if things with you and Butters don't work out."

"What the hell are you saying?" I asked becoming angry. "I don't even know how we started talking about this!"

"Kenny, you've got a life of your own. Butters's life is not your life, and his illness is just that. His illness. You shouldn't let his health issues take over your life. Or, over your existence."

"That's just the thing, Millie. Leopold Stotch is my existence."

"You have lost everything. Butters is as good as dead, and you even know it." she spat. "You've lost sight of all your goals, your plans, everything."

"Know what?" I couldn't take this anymore. "Fuck off, Millie. I'm not afraid to hit a lady." I spat.

"Think about this, Kenny!" she yelled back. "Think about your future! You haven't even done that in a long while. Have you?"

"This is so unimportant and a waste of my time!" I yelled as I started jogging.

"You don't get it! Romances come and go, and obviously, you and that girlie little blonde were so not meant for each other. Besides, you strike me more as a straight type. You don't look gay."

I fully sped up and ran as fast as I could. Millie's words were still heard through the silence.

"He's as good as dead, Kenny, and you know it!" she yelled.

I ran as fast as I could, and burst in through the door. Butters was still lying on the couch, but his eyes were slightly open this time. He smiled softly when I walked in. I put my stuff down, and closed the door locking it. I walked over to him, and sat down. He instantly sat up, and scooted into my lap. I shivered a little as he did this. He softly uttered my name, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. Millie was so wrong. I pulled him to me, and kissed him deeply. This… was… so… fucking right. I belonged here. He belonged with me.

"Where were you?" he asked yawning a little as his head fell into my shoulder.

"Gettin' more clothes." I said pointing to the stuff on the other couch. "How're you feelin' Butter Scotch?" I asked.

"Tired." he sighed. "Really tired. Kenny, I have to tell you something."

The look on his face told me that this was not something I wanted to hear. Yet, he mustered his courage, and let it go.

"I f-found a l-lump in my groin." The words were so soft I could barely hear him. Fuck.


	27. Here We Go Again

**Here We Go Again**

A week after the last visit, we went back to the hospital. Dr. Ramsey had studied Butters's scans as thoroughly as he could. He was ready to blast him with the worst. Or maybe the best. I still didn't know. Butters held my hand tight as we all sat down around a table. It was me, Butters, Ramsey, and Al.

"First off, I'd like to say, that as far as I've seen, there is nothing else that we need to treat with radiation, except for the three mentioned areas. The one on the jaw, on the back of your knee, and the one in your groin. We're going to bombard them all with doses of radiation, and see if we can either get rid of them completely, or surgically remove them afterward. After, the shrinkage."

"Great." Butters muttered. "Just… great. So, how?" he asked again. His hand tightened around mine.

"We're going to give you, doses of radiation, five times a week, for a total of twenty doses. We're taking you off the chemo completely. Radiation has it's side effects, though." he said softly. "Although painless."

"Of course there is." Butters said grinning mirthlessly. "Who didn't see that coming? A Blind person saw that coming a mile away."

"Butters!" I gasped. "What side effects?" I asked a little scared. I felt shocked at what he'd just said.

"He will develop sore throats, coughs, tiredness, and rashes on the areas we're treating." he informed. "And we can't apply any creams, or lotions to them."

"Twenty days?" Butters asked mulling it over. "Hmm. Doesn't sound so bad. Not nearly as much time as it was with Chemo."

"Well, it is kind of bad." Ramsey said softly. "There is a possibility, that you may… well, lose the ability to have children."

I felt my body freeze instantly.

"He'll be infertile?" Al asked. "Really?"

"I don't care!" Butters said squeezing my hand. "I don't care! I just wanna be okay! I just wanna be normal again! I just want to be with Kenny for the rest of my life." he said pleadingly. "I don't want children."

"Yeah, Butters!" I said coldly. "But it's still scary, and damaging to your health!" I scolded.

"He'll start treatment next Monday. The beginning of August. It's perfect. Now, all we need to do, is remove his port." he said smiling.

"Great." Butters repeated. "I can go back to wearing real clothes again."

"Now, the treatments will take place in Hell's Pass, since Jack has been hired on as a regular there. His predecessor was let go shortly before hand, for lack of attendance." he informed. "So, you'll be going back to Dr. Adams. He's got all the necessary equipment there, to treat you."

"That's cool." Butters said a little happily. "He's always nice to me. The first guy who saw me here always made me feel, strange."

"Oh. Dr. Jameson?" Ramsey asked smiling. "He's a good guy. He's just bent on being emotionless, and crude, because he doesn't want to get attached to any of his patients. He's nice, though. Does he call you by your first name?"

"Yeah. Kinda scary." Butters mumbled.


	28. Patterns

**Patterns**

The Monday after that, we were back in Hell's Pass. I almost wanted to die. This whole traveling from hospital to hospital was really dragging on me, and I hated it. Butters must hate it way worse.

We were greeted warmly by a bald Dr. Adams. The guy used to have short black hair. He explained to us everything that was going to happen, and I felt a little frightened. Butters looked sad. So not him.

"So, first off, we'll go into one of the rooms. I've got technicians over here to help, and we're gonna draw on you to make the markings."

"D-dr-draw on me?" Butters asked.

"Yep. I'm gonna be making a graph, that follows the patterns of your body, so I can scan it into a computer. With laser pens, me and my crew are going to be drawing lines on the places we're gonna blast apart. Try not to wash them away."

"Gross." Butters muttered sadly. "Can I still shower?"

"Just don't put soap on them." Adams said smiling at him. "As they fade, we'll redraw the markings. You can't wash them off until everything is complete."

"Son of a biscuit." Butters exclaimed miserably. "I'd rather be playing baseball."

Al and I both walked off to the lobby to wait. Adams informed us it would take roughly about an hour. I felt sick. Sick of everything. Sick of being here, sick of Butters being sick.

Infertility? They were going to blast him with radiation, and rob him of the ability to ever have children. Sure, he said what he said back there, but robbing someone of the ability to have children was messed up.

"Ith'th a thmall prithe to pay to thave hith life." Al said as if reading my mind.

"His life is worth any price." I said softly. "Life just isn't worth living if Leopold Stotch doesn't smile your way once in a while." I said as tears filled my eyes.

Butters came walking out of the room an hour later. His expression was unreadable. He just seemed passive.

"Let's get the heck out o' here." he said sighing. "Please. For the love of God."

… … … … …

We were sitting in the living room, and Butters was lying on my lap. I'm not sure if it was because I wanted him to be high, or because I wanted to see his reaction to the weed again, but I gave him three joints, and he smoked them all. He was lying peacefully on my lap, every once in a while squeezing my hand, or leaning up to kiss me.

"Are you sure it didn't hurt?" I asked.

"No." he said glossily. "It was hard to try and stay still, though." he said. "Look."

I peered closely at the underside of his jaw, and saw the blue lines that ran from his jaw, and disappeared down his shirt. He lifted his shirt, and I saw more blue lines on his stomach and disappearing into the waist band of his jeans. He smiled.

"It kind of tickled." he said smiling. "It was hard, though. I couldn't move. If even one bit of the alignment is off, I'll get blasted wrong."

"What are the dots for?" I asked looking at the dots in between the lines.

"To align the machine right." he said simply. "You know?"

"Kenny?" Butters whispered after a while. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I said smiling. "Here."

I reached over on the coffee table, and handed him another red rose. He gasped.

"Oh, this is so beautiful." he gushed. "You're the sweetest Kenny in the world." he said as he took the flower and held it to his cheek. I smiled.

"So, they tattooed you with little tiny dot things?" I asked.

"Yeah. Basically. I'da picked something more along the lines of a heart." he said as he placed the flower to his lips. "It would say, Leopold loves Kenny."


	29. Stan

**Stan**

It was the billionth time I went over to the center. I hated not knowing what was going on, and when I did know what was going on, I hated not being able to talk to anyone. Even Wendy wasn't a source of comfort to me for this. I just needed Heather. I'm not sure what my sudden dependence to the stranger was caused by. Maybe because of the first time I visited Butters in the center when he was going through Chemo. I walked into the ward, and she smiled at her position on her desk.

"Stan." She grinned as she stood up. "Come here and sit next to me." she said simply. "I didn't expect you to be here today. Butters isn't in the hospital anymore."

"I know." I said softly. "I'm not even sure why I'm here."

"Well," she said smiling as she pulled me over to her desk and sat me down beside her. "You're welcome to be here as long as you want." she said patting my back.

I sat, watching her typing fast on her computer. The screen was full of graphs and charts, and things I just couldn't figure out for the life of me.

"We're looking for a donor." she said simply. "One of the patients is going to need a bone marrow transplant. Has Leukemia."

"How do you deal with working here?" I asked as I sat there staring at the screen. "I mean, it's really fucking hard. Kind of tires you out emotionally. Makes me feel suicidal. Or guilty." I said softly.

"In what way?" she asked.

"Well, I feel like, it should be me, and not him." I said sighing. "Maybe if it was me, everything would be different."

"How so?" she asked.

"Well. I don't know. My mom and dad are here. My mom's the leader, and my dad's just dumb." I explained. "But my mom and sister would be able to deal with this with me. Kenny's just a kid. Butters is just a kid. I mean, look at this crap. It's unfair."

"You know what kid, think about what you just said. Then, try to think of ways to help them both. If they're just kids, as you say, then, try and think of ways to make things a little better for them."

"Hey!" I gasped. "I know what to do! Heather, I love you!" I cried as I hugged her. "I gotta go. I just had this marvelous idea."

I drove all the way back to South Park. I drove as fast as I could, yet not wanting to go over the speed limit. I parked at one of the stores and I walked in.

I headed to the art supplies, and brought Butters a pack of color pencils. I brought him a sketch pad, and some markers, and other stuff. He loved drawing. I could make his life a little brighter with this! I knew it would work. The smallest things make huge differences, right? Well, this one would.

I paid for all my stuff, and left quickly. I was bursting with excitement as I practically hit one-hundred miles per hour trying to make it to Butter's place. His car was in the drive, so Kenny and he must be there. I knocked.

"Heya, Stan!" Butters was cheerful, and looked like his normal self again. Accept the bald head. The thinness. The pallor. Okay, so he didn't look normal. He took my hand and pulled me in. "Nice to see yuh, pal!" he said cheerfully.

"You too!" I said as he hugged me. "Where's Ken?"

"Shower." Butters said smiling. "He just got in."

"You have a minute?" I asked.

"For you?" he said smiling at me. "Anything."

"I brought you something." I said pulling the bag into view. "Look inside."

Butters pulled the contents out and his face was full of joy. He laughed as he saw all the things I'd brought him.

"Neat! Aw, this is awesome, Stan!" Butters said as he blushed furiously. "Whoa! This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me!" he said smiling. "I love drawing! And I know just what to do first!"

"What's that?" I asked smiling.

"I'm going to draw a solar system. It's gonna be awesome! Thanks, Stan. Thank you!"

The boy hugged me, and I hugged back. "I love you, Butters." I said smiling. "I'm really glad to be here with you. You're a real good f-fr-friend." Oh, brother! Stammering when you're a jock sucks donkey balls!

"Guess what, Stan?" he said smiling. "I've got hair."

For the first time, I noticed the fuzz coating his head. It was blonde, just like previous, and it was growing nicely. I laughed as I palmed his head gently.

"Butters has hair again. Almost." I said smiling.

"Yeah!" he said excited. "Soon, it'll grow more!" he said jumping up and down a little. "I'm sure it will! Kenny said it would. Hey." he said smiling at me. "Let's play video games!"

I felt grief stricken. I felt like running back to the hospital, and pulling Heather back with me. She could be here while I tried to interact with Butters. I do love him, it's just, I hate this situation. As we played video games, I just wanted to cry. Why the hell was I here, pretending everything would be okay? That was such a lie! I couldn't lie! I hated lying to him. To Butters.

"Hey, Stan." Kenny was watching Butters and I smiling. "Who's winning?"

"Butters." I said smiling.

"Are you playing, or just letting me win?" Butters asked a little doubtfully. "I want you to play, too."

"No, way!" I lied. "I'll cream your ass, Butters. You just wait."


	30. Faith

**Faith**

**Butters**

I was sitting on the couch, Kenny on the armchair. He looked determined, and had a smile full of joy on his face. My eyes were streaming with tears. I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop crying.

"It'll be fine, Butters." he said sternly. "You know it will. Al will take care of you, and you'll be okay."

"But he's not Kenny!" I moaned. "I need you!"

"Yeah, I know." he said still not faltering with his beautiful smile. "I can't deal with it anymore, though. Butters, I'm hurting all the time. Millie is healthy. If I go with her, I'll be more stable. If you die, it won't be as painful for me."

"Kenny, don't!" I sobbed. "Don't leave me! I need you! You're the only thing keeping me together!"

**Kenny**

He was shaking, and I could see his chest rising up and down frantically as he slept. I stared at him. I heard him let out a moan, and I knew he was dreaming.

"Wake up, Butters." I said softly. "Wake up!" I flicked his nose, but he didn't feel. "Wake up, and I'll give you strawberries." I said softly.

Butters suddenly curled up into himself, and shook violently. I stared at him, and grabbed his shoulders.

"Butters!" I yelled. "Wake up!"

"Kenny!" he gasped. "Kenny? It's a dream?" he asked.

"Yes!" I said simply. "Are you okay?"

"Don't!" he moaned. "Don't!"

"Don't what?" I asked looking into his pleading eyes.

"Do-don't leave me!" he begged. "Kenny, I can't make it without you!" he sobbed. Tears streamed down on to the pillow as he rocked himself back and forth. "No!" he pleaded. "No! I can't! I can't! My world would fall apart!" he begged.

I pulled the little blonde into my arms and kissed his cheek. "Ho, Leopold." I said as I too began to cry. "I'd never! I promise! You're everything to me! I love you! I need you, too! I swear, I'm here for the long run!"

"Promise?" he asked. "Because this could get worse." he muttered softly. "I just don't see how. I mean, I could die."

"You're not going to die." I said as I held him to me. "You'll be better soon, and it'll be all over."

This is not entirely true. And because Butters wanted to love me so much, he knew I was lying.

"Something's going on, Kenny." he said pulling away from me slightly. "What?" he asked. "What aren't you telling me?"

I looked at the sight on his jaw where the treated area was blistered over. He couldn't apply any cream or anything, and the area was raw red, and looked painful. I'd talked to Adams.

"How do you feel?" I asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." he said sighing. "I feel tired all the time, and sometimes hopeless, but you're here." he said softly.

"Leopold, remember when I told you to trust me?"

"Yes." he said sounding cold. "I've been doing it the whole time. I've trusted you. All this time. What do you have to say, now?" he asked sounding angry.

"If this doesn't work, you'll need a bone marrow transplant." I whispered. "That's the only thing left after radiation, if it spreads to the marrow."

"Kenny?" he said as I laid down, and pulled him to me. "I can't help thinking. Maybe you should…." he sounded like he wanted to cry. Again. He sounded sad, and distant. "I'm sorry." he said softly.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I'm sick, and you have a sick boyfriend, and you can't do much. Sitting around in hospitals isn't fun. Not for you, and not for me. I figure, I think I should, break up." he whispered the last words.

"Why?" I asked a little surprised. "You don't mean this."

"I do-don't." he stammered. "It's just, I don't want your life to be constantly revolving around mine!" he said as he began to cry. "Kenny, I don't want you to-."

"Butters!" I said clapping my hand to his mouth. "My world will always revolve around you. You're in the center, and that's how it should be! I fucking love you, and there's not a god damned thing you can do about it!" I moaned. "And if, you did leave, I'd stop existing completely."

"You should be dating! Having a regular life! Waiting around in the hospitals is not a fun thing."

"I'm not in there, to have fun. I'm in there to make sure you get well." I said softly. "So I can have you for the rest of our lives."

"Kenny," he said as he held me close. "I'm not so sure."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I don't think this is gonna end well." he said softly. "I'm not so sure that the scans are going to be all right, and it's… well, it's not looking good. My faith is faltering. You're the only thing keeping me going." he sobbed.

"Then, why?" I asked as tears slid down on to the pillow that we shared. "Why are you doing this? Wouldn't that be more of a reason for staying with you?"

"Yeah!" he sobbed. Then, he told me about his dream.

"Oh, God!" I moaned. "Butters!"

He leaned in and kissed me. HE twisted his fingers through my hair, and I smiled.

"This is why I didn't want you to shave it off. I won't be able to hold on to anything when you make love to me."


	31. Remission

**Remission**

It was the beginning of September, and the three of us were headed off to the hospital again. Aurora was becoming a place of familiarity to me, and my two guardians. I hated it all the same, because it brought terrible omens here. My cancer, my lumps and masses. Everything. But I saw the hope in Kenny's eyes. It strengthened me, and I felt like everything was going to be okay. Soon, things would all be back to normal. Soon.

Kenny and Al followed me from place to place. Department to department taking test after test. Every test known to man, almost. We ate lunch, and waited to go back and take more tests. It was frustrating, but it was almost over.

"Hello, again you three." Dr. Ramsey said as we were ushered into his office. He had a smile on his face. I looked over to Kenny, and he looked about to grin. I glanced at Al, and he looked like the corners of his mouth wanted to twist into a smile.

"We're missing a reading of your latest aspiration." Ramsey said smiling. "But all the other tests, and X-rays seem clean. Your masses are gone, and everything. Butters, it looks good, son."

"So, I'm cured?" I asked.

"Da-da-da-da-da." Ramsey said looking a little down. "I didn't say that. You're just in remission. Unless anything happens between now, and the next three months, you are in remission. Your tests looked good, and I'm positive your bone marrow biopsy will be clean as well. You've done really good, Butters." he complimented. "Everything looks good."

"So he's not cured?" Kenny asked with a bite of impatience in his voice.

"Not cured." Ramsey repeated. "Just remission."

"Look, I don't care what you call it. I just wanna be rid of all of this." I said sighing contently.

"Well, it looks good. So, unless you have any questions, see you guys all in November." Ramsey said with a big smile.

"Thanks." I said grinning back. "For everything."


	32. Aunt Nelly's Offer

**Aunt Nelly's Offer**

**Butters**

The day after I returned from the last appointment with Adams, I was in the kitchen making lunch, Kenny in the shower. The phone rang. I walked over and picked it up. I sighed, knowing it was probably mom and dad.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Butters?" said a very familiar voice.

"Aunt Nelly?" I asked.

"Hey, champ!" she said laughing into the phone. "How're you doing?"

"Well, good!" I said happily. "I'm doing really good! I've gotten loads better, and my hair's starting to grow back."

"Oh, that's lovely, baby." she said laughing into the phone. "It's almost your birthday." she claimed.

"Yeah." I said smiling. "Eighteen. I'm not sure how to feel. It seems like it should be done up all special, since I haven't had a chance to do anything for the past forever."

"How about I fly you out here, kiddo?" she asked. "Would you like to come spend time with me? I've got a vacation, and I'm really sore about not being able to go see you earlier."

The moment I'd found out I had cancer, I'd called her and let her know. She'd been checking up on me ever since, and had even called in with mom and scolded her for being a bitch to me.

"Well, gee, Aunt Nelly. I'd love to. I'm afraid I can't, though." I said sadly.

"Why?" she asked.

**Kenny**

Butters and I'd just finished eating lunch. I grabbed my paper plate, and tossed it into the trash. Butters gave me the biggest grin. Ever since he'd been given a sort-of clean bill of health, he'd been radiant with happiness. I'd been the happiest to see him smile again. That oh so familiar enchanting smile that I fell in love with when I was fourteen, but didn't quite know it was love yet.

The phone rang. Butters gave me a look. It said, fuck whoever it is.

"Want me to?"

"Please." he said sadly. "I'm not talking to mom and dad."

"Hello?" I asked into the phone.

"Kenny, is that you?" asked an unfamiliar voice.

"Yes, ma'am." I said confused.

"Hi, it's me, Nelly." she said with a smile in her voice.

"Oh, hey!" I said at knowing who she was. "Would you like to talk to Butters?"

"No, son. I'm actually hoping I could talk to you."

"Sure!" I said grinning. "What's going on?" I asked.

"I talked to Butters a while ago." she informed. "Says he's done with his treatments?" she asked.

Though unable to come over to South Park—because of work related issues—she had been a very great comfort to the boy. She called more often than naught, and she even told Linda off for being a bitch to my boy when she called a while back.

"He's all done." I said smiling. "He's doing really good, too. He's getting back into a normal routine."

"Is he going to start school right off?" she asked. "I mean, wouldn't it be wise to just rest before heading back into something normal?" she asked. "Maybe start Senior year a while after."

"I'd asked him about that." I said simply. "Rejected the offer."

"Kenny, I'd really like to meet you." she said solemnly. "And I'd really, truly, like to see my Butters." she said softly. "I've got this really big amount of time off." she explained. "I can't leave L.A. because I've got to be available if needed. So, would you two like to come down and stay with me? I've already prepared everything. I'll just send you two flight tickets, and everything will be fine."

"Have you asked him yet?" I asked. "I'm not sure what to say."

"I've asked him, and he said he couldn't go. I asked him why, and, well, you may guess."

"No. This is unacceptable. Butters!" I called. He had gotten up and left some time ago. I heard him messing around on the living room floor. "Get over here, right now, young man!" I yelled sounding like his dad a little.

"What?" he asked white as chalk as he came walking over. "What?"

"Butters, you can't be rude to your aunt." I said. He blushed. "Why'd you shoot down her offer?"

"I don't… I'm not… Kenny I don't feel well enough to travel." he complained. "Really, do you want me to feel worse?"

"Butters, you know damn well that's not the real reason you shot her down." I said. I pressed the speaker phone button, and hung the receiver up.

"Hello?" Nelly called. "Butters, honey, would you feel better if Kenny came with you?"

"Yes!" Butters said a little too enthusiastically.

"Butters, I can't go." I said simply. "I've got to start school and do all this other-."

"I can't be without you." he said softly. "I'm too afraid. What if something happens to me over there, and I can't get back?" he asked. "I'd love to go, Aunt Nelly, but I can't be without Kenny." he said softly.

This was so super awkward! Damn, Leopold. As much as I am clingy, you're tenfold!

"Butters, I can't go. That's a lot of money on plane tic-!"

"You don't care about me?" he asked softly.

"Can I pay for my ticket?" I asked into the speaker.

"Absolutely, positively, not." she said sternly. "Kenny, you're part of my family." she said bitterly. "You and Butters are practically a whole sphere. If I pay for him, I pay for you."

I don't even know this woman! Fuck Butters! I hate you!

"It would give you a bit of time to recover from all this shit." she said making me flinch. "Please, Kenny. Don't feel a stranger, and don't be embarrassed. Just say yes. You're family, Ken."

"Butters, you owe me, so big." I said as I nodded. "I'll go."

"Thank you!" Nelly sounded as cheerful as Butters. "Thank you, Kenny!" she said laughing. "You're a real pal!"


	33. Aunt Nelly

**Aunt Nelly**

Butters had apologized time and time again. He wouldn't be here for his birthday, and he felt bad for the guys who wanted to throw him a bash. They, however, looked anything but angry at him. They said they'd wait for him to come back and Halloween would be the day of his birthday instead. So, it was with a soaring heart that he packed a bag the night before we were to leave. I said bye to my family, and told Kevin to give me a call if anything happened.

"Kenny?" Kevin said grinning. "I've got something for you."

"What?" I asked groaning.

He produced an envelope from his pocket. He handed it to me, and I didn't need to open it to see what it was. I opened my mouth to speak. He pushed me away, and smiled.

"Late birthday present. You can spoil the living hell out of yourself, and Butters." he said smiling.

"How?" I asked. "How? Where?"

"Saved up since last year. It's two K." he said smiling.

"It's two-thousand dollars?" I asked confused. "Kev?"

"Go have fun. Okay?" he asked. "You damn well deserve it."

I returned home to find Butters walking out on to the upstairs landing. He was completely naked.

"No drawings, no markings,, I'm free!" he yelled. "Kenny! Want some?"

I dropped my duffle bag, and I ran as fast as I could. I ran up the steps two at a time, and I grabbed the boy by his waist. He moaned, and I watched his erection grow before my eyes as I ran into his room.

… … … … …

"Butters!" A sobbing Aunt Nelly came running over to us. "Oh, my little boy!" she sobbed as she hugged him. "Oh, baby, I'm so glad to see you!" she said smiling. "Kenny?" she asked as she let go of Butters and turned to me. "Hey!"

She wrapped her arms around me, and hugged me warmly. "I'm so glad you came, sweetie." she said smiling. "Nice to finally meet you."

"You too." I said smiling. "Thank you for having us, Nelly." I said smiling brightly.

"It's Aunt Nelly, to you, mister." she said smiling.

Soon, we were all settled in. Nelly had a spacious house. Butters said it was different from the one he'd visited so long ago. I wondered how she maintained herself. The lady was a divorcee. The house had four bedrooms, one bathroom. The room she set us up in, contained it's bathroom inside it, just like hers did.

"Thank you, for coming with me, Kenny." Butters said leaning into me as I kissed him. "It means the world to me. You mean the world to me." he said softly.

"So does this mean, I've officially won over your heart?" I asked as I leaned my forehead against his. "Does this mean, you've got some faith in a commitment, Leopold?" I asked.

"I guess." he said softly. "I'm still alive, you're still here. So maybe there is hope for us after all." he said softly. "Are you still clingy?"

"If it'll make you happy, I'll cling less." I said shifting away a little bit.

"No." he said softly as he hugged me to him. "I like clingy, over protective Kenny." he said smiling.

"Good." I said softly.

"You boys want food?" our hostess yelled from the stair well.

In response, Butters's stomach growled. I couldn't hold back the fit of laughter as I scooped him up in my arms, and carried him down stairs.

"Are you boys tired?" she asked as we all sat around the table to a huge platter of sandwiches, and lemonade. It was fairly sunny over here. Maybe I'd get more color from the sun.

"Naw." Butters said smiling. "I slept most of the way here, and so did he."

"Well, when you can't sleep," I said grinning. "On account of all the excitement, you're bound to sleep during the whole flight."

Butters and I'd stayed up all right. As soon as I'd picked the boy up and dragged him into the room, I completely gave myself over to him. Butters and I stayed up basking in such a wonderful feeling. I felt like I was making love to him for the first time, again. Nothing to worry us. My Butter Cup was free of anything for now. Sure, there was always that for now, but it was going to be okay. I was now certain. I loved lying with him as he called out to me when climaxes would arise. I loved to hear his moans, and sighs as I held and caressed every part of him. As I loved him.

"We've gotta go sightseeing!" Nelly said excitedly. "You two are going to love this! I've planned out the whole entire vacation!" she squealed.

We sat around eating for what felt like forever. ("And I don't even need weed anymore!" The bright smile that Butters had on his face when he said those words was enough to bring tears to mine and Nelly's eyes.) After we were all done, Butters stepped up stairs to go take care of business. He'd drunk a whole pitcher of lemonade.

"You know," Nelly said softly from across me. "Linda and I are cut out from the same cloth. Both of us chasing after gay men who're obviously closeted for life. Linda isn't happy, I wasn't happy."

"Are you doing okay now?" I asked concerned.

"Yes." She said smiling. "I am a cinematographer." she explained. "With Hollywood so close, it's hard not to get dragged in. Bud left when I found out what was going on. He was caught at several clubs with other men. It's not like I'm against gay people, Kenny. But there's gay, and then, there's… well, Chris, and Bud. They've got a whole category separating them from even the most stubborn closeted guys out there. You know?" she asked. "And the way Chris treats Butters? I'm just glad Butters has you. Thank you, for coming with him. For helping him through his ordeal."

"He's so unhopeful." I confided. "He compares us to his mom and dad. Lately, he's been a little more optimistic that I will stay, but he's really careful with this kind of thing. It took us nine months of me saying, "I love you" before he actually returned it. And even then, it was hard for him to make eye contact. He's very unforgiving about this kind of thing. I mean, who wouldn't when you're in his situation? He was taken advantage of when he was a kid, always unnoticed, always alone. Then, his mom and dad make things worse." I sighed. "I'm just glad he's okay. I love him, Aunt Nelly. With all my heart. He's a very sweet, very special boy."

"I'm glad you see him that way." she said smiling. "I would've come over there, but I couldn't take time off. I feel so bad about it."

"It's okay. He's fine. We're all going to be fine." I said smiling. I'd made a friend.


	34. Hollywood

**Hollywood**

Nelly had asked us what we wanted to see first. Butters, without hesitation, had called out for Hollywood. So, here we were. Butters and Nelly almost looked like small children. Butters was cheerful, and excited, and Nelly was almost talking two-hundred miles an hour about what we could see.

We ended up going to the Hollywood Walk of Fame for our first stop. People clambering all over the place, looking at the stars set in the cement with the names of famous screen personalities on them. Butters looked hard, and found the one star I knew he was looking for. He was obsessed—or maybe not so much—with Michael Jackson. He found the star, which was surrounded by flowers, and notes and things. He gazed at it for a bit, and I saw tears well in his eyes.

"Hand prints!" he suddenly yelled as he took mine and his aunt's hand and led us away.

We walked over to Grauman's Chinese Theatre. Signatures were all neatly done into the cement, with the person's handprint accompanying the sign. We looked at all the names, trying to find ones we recognized. It was strange to see names of people who have since then passed on. I was too busy gazing at the scroll that had Eminem's sign, to notice the look in Butter's eyes.

We kept on going, until Butters stopped forcefully, and Nelly and I nearly tripped. He looked down, and so did we. Michael's signature, along with his handprint, were right in front of us. This time, a tear did trickle down a little from Butters's eye, but he wiped it away quickly. He took his cap off, and revealed a head full of fuzz. His hair was growing back nicely.

"A moment of silence, please." he said snickering a little as he held his cap over his heart.

"I bet you his hand fits yours." Butters said looking back at me. "Try. Go on!" he egged.

"Butters, I'll get stepped on." I said sadly.

"We'll watch your back!" Nelly said cheerfully. "Come on, Kenny!" she gushed. "Come on! Do it."

I knelt down on to the hot sidewalk, and placed my hand into the print. I almost cried out in shock. It was the same, fucking, size. Holy shit, dude! I'd have to tell Stan! After all, we'd all had two run ins with the man already.

"I've got a living replica of MJ!" Butters was shouting as he pulled me up by the shoulders. "Oh… my… gosh!" Oh, Butters. You're making a scene! "Life just can't get better than this!"

"He's the other man in his life, right?" Nelly asked as we both smirked at the boy.

"Your hands are just like his!" Butters yelled as he clapped a hand on my shoulder.

He bent me down forcefully, and gave me a deep loving kiss. I melted into it, and the crowd that had gathered around us clapped as we stood there. I fell in love with the boy more as I saw how unafraid he was to show his feelings.

"Let's go see other stuff!" he said pulling away, but still holding my hand. "Life is short!"


	35. Lines

**Lines**

**Butters**

"We're going to have so much fun!" Aunt Nelly gushed as Kenny and I both got out of the car.

It was the next day, and we were now at Disney Land. I loved this place! I hadn't been able to come last time, because Cartman had caused the whole hubblah with being Awesome-O. I felt like jumping up and down for joy as we all walked off to the tram that would take us from the parking spots, to the actual amusement park. As usual, Aunt Nelly took a seat beside Kenny, while he pulled me on to his lap. I didn't know whether to feel loved, or over protected. But it was Kenny, so it was no big deal.

"Tune Town is so first." Aunt Nelly said as we got off the tram fifteen minutes later. "We've got until mid-night!" she said laughing.

So it was, that it was Tune Town we made it to.

"Space Mountain!" I yelled as I saw the ride.

The lines were enormous. It started at the gate to enter the rides, and looped around at least four times. Kind of like a parabola with three different vertex points. The ride was worth it, though. Even if it did take us twenty minutes to get there. Space Mountain was cool. Like a roller coaster in space. It was really neat. Where do you think I sat? Do I really have to go over this all the time?

"Food!" I called as we walked over to the strip that had the food stands.

"This is so not food!" Kenny shot. "It's expensive, that's what it is."

"We used to live in a time, where the entrance fee was only five bucks." Aunt Nelly remembered. "Twenty bucks could get you in and get you on all the rides you wanted, plus food."

"Too bad they found out about profit." I snorted.

"Hey, guy." Kenny said nudging me. "Look what I've got."

**Nelly**

I watched enchanted, as a rush of gratitude filled me. Kenny took a plate of strawberries that he'd just bought from the nearby vendor. My nephew gasped in delight, and I watched as he took the first berry. He bit into it, and a look of utter delight shot across his face. I beamed at Kenny, who returned my smile flashing dazzlingly white teeth. Butters was so happy, it was kind of too much sweetness.

"Thank you, Kenny!" he piped in his cherub soprano. "Oh, gee, thank you!" he said smiling as he took another berry. "They taste really good."

I smiled at my two boys, and they both beamed back.

"It's better to have him gushing at every gesture I do towards him," Kenny explained as Butters took a picture of a waterfall a little ways away from us. "Than to have him pleading with me to take the pain away during Chemo sessions. That's just sick."

"He's glad of any love anyone can show towards him." I said softly.

"Glad? You should see what flowers do to the boy." Kenny said smiling. "I've got an idea." he snickered.


	36. Content

**Content**

It was the most famous place to shop in Beverly Hills. It was spendy, but I told the boys it was my treat, and they finally complied. I told Kenny not to dare spend any of the money he had. This was my chance to be with the boys, and show them a good time. Butters, on several occasions, had told me all about Kenny's upbringing, and I just wanted to dote on my two boys shamelessly. Not out of pity, either. I just have no boys of my own, and Kenneth and Leopold look like the modern day Romeo and Julius. They do literally look like two halves of a whole.

"This is really good." Butters said as we sat near a fountain eating cinnamon rolls. It was still morning, and we'd arrived early enough. Kenny took my cup of Cappuccino, and took a sip.

"Revolting." he said as he passed it back to me. The waitress who brought it for me glared at Kenny.

"Do you have to be mean?" Butters scolded when she walked away.

"I had no clue she was watching." he lied. He gave me a huge wink when Butters looked away.

"Where do we wanna go?" I asked. "What kinds of things are you guys looking for?" I asked smiling. "What do you want for your birthday, Butters?" I asked smiling at him.

"I don't know. Eighteen really isn't that big of a deal." Butters said smiling. "I don't really wanna make it so."

"Bullshit!" Kenny yelled. "What is the one thing you've wanted for your birthday?" he asked. "That you can't find in South Park."

"Sun." he said as Kenny and I laughed.

We shopped for clothing for all of us. For some reason, Kenny bought both of them tuxedos, and bow ties. The ties were black, and made of taffeta, which was a very silky fabric that stained easily. I saw a sullen expression on his face as he picked out the clothing. It looked, funeral-esque. Or, something to that affect. It looked, sad. What was going on?

"Look." Butters said pointing to one of the shop windows.

There was a poster of the two planes and the twin towers. I sighed. I hated that my nephew's birthday had to be today. It was a somber day ever since the events, and I hated that he had to be born on such a day.

**Butters**

We spent the rest of the day going from shop to shop. Pigging out on junk food at the food court, and not really doing much. Just how I wanted. My birthday was amazing this year. I loved it so much. I even got a call from Stan, Kyle, Jimmy and Token. I got text messages from Tweek and Craig. Tweek probably had a meltdown trying to figure out what to say.

"Let's go home!" My aunt chirped. "We've got a surprise for you, Butters!" she said cheerfully. "We're going to have so much fun!"

When we got home, the clock on the television set said six forty. The living room was soon full of all our shopping bags, and we proceeded to the kitchen. I gasped as I saw the cake on top of the refrigerator, and the smell of food came wafting to me.

"Surprise?" Kenny and my aunt both said.

"I've got you something." Kenny said as he came forward. "It's not much, but I… well… Here." he said stumbling a little.

The little vase contained eighteen sun colored Dandelions. I just stared at him. I put down the vase, and hugged him.

"They're beautiful, Kenny!" I said as my heart beat really fast. "They're so beautiful. I love you so much." I said as I leaned up and kissed him.

"You hungry?" my aunt asked when Kenny and I pulled away from each other. "Because you're about to get served. … Chinese food." she added after a long pause.

All of us sat around eating quietly. It was the best cooking in the whole world. And best of all, it was made by my Aunt Nelly. She was more fit to be my mom, than my mom.

"You make really good Sweet Sour Chicken, Aunt Nelly." Kenny said smiling. "Best damn cooking in the whole world."

"Yeah." I agreed. "Compliments to the chef."

My phone vibrated. I quickly clicked it on. "Hello?"

"Happy birthday, Butters." It was my dad. "Mom wants to say happy birthday, to you, too."

"Hello?" said a very excited voice. "Happy birthday, Butters." she said with a smile in her tone. "Are you having a good day?"

"Yeah." I said not bothering to go into detail with her. It wasn't her thing. It wasn't dad's either.

"You're not drunk, are you?" she asked.

"No. I'm clean. You can even ask Aunt Nelly."

"Nelly's with you?" she asked. "Let her know we're headed back to South Park and will be there January."

"Kay." I said smiling. "See you guys later."

"Don't you dare drink, young man." I heard my dad say in the background.

"I heard." I said before mom could say a word. "Bye."

The rest of the day had been spent in their company, eating cake, and more food. I felt hungry for the first time in ages, and I wasn't about to pass up my aunt's cooking.

… … … … …

Kenny and I were in my aunt's backyard. We were sitting on a bench swing, and Kenny had started swinging us back and forth. I smiled as I rested comfortably against him.

"This has been the most wonderful time of my life." I said as memories of past experiences came back to me. "I forget that I had cancer."

"Yeah, I know, huh?" he asked as he palmed my now almost hair. "Me too. It feels like part of a whole different world." he sighed. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah." I said truthfully. "I feel good. It's all over, Kenny." For now.

"Promise me something." I said as I thought about my future. "Promise me you'll come back here without me someday."

"Why?" he asked as he shifted and his head fell against my heart.

**Kenny**

"I don't know." Butters said softly, his voice rumbling against my ear. "Just promise."

"I can't promise that." I said softly. "Being here is fun because you're with me. What the hell would I do back here without you?" I asked sadly. "You're everything to me."

Maybe it was because Butters was much smaller than me. I am not sure why. His heart was beating really fast against his chest, and it soothed me. He was going to be okay. I just knew it. He was cleared. He was as good as cured.

**Butters**

Suddenly, Kenny shifted upwards, and wrapped me up in a tight hug. The swing had stopped now, and we both just sat still as statues. He looked into my eyes with those deep shocking blue ones. He leaned into me, and kissed me. I gasped as I felt the spark fly between us. My lips molded into his, and I held the kiss for a long time. He moaned into my mouth, and held me as close to him as he could.

"Kenny!" I pleaded as he pulled back a little.

"My love." he said as he resumed our kiss.

At this moment, I felt myself weaken, and I melted into him. My last resolve crumbling as I fell prey to Kenny's lips. His lush tongue caressing mine gently. I felt like the stars that shone right now were showering themselves on us. Kenny was here, just for me. No one mattered to us right now. No one. In this time frame, I was well, and healthy. In this time frame, in this reality, it was just Kenny and I. It was just us two, and no one, and nothing, else mattered. It was a never ending kiss that grew deeper and deeper.

"I love you." he said still holding us together by our lower lips. "I can't begin to explain how much I fucking love you, Leopold." he declared.

"I love you, too, Kenny." I said certainly. "I have never felt it so much as I do now."

"Kiss me." Kenny pleaded bringing our lips crashing again.

They crashed silently together. Like waves on the sea. We were one. Blue and orange. Opposites. Two halves of a whole. I have never felt so loved, and loved so much as I do now. As I did in this moment.

"If a kiss could last like this forever, and feel this beautiful, forever." Kenny said softly pulling apart a little bit. "I'd sure as hell never want to leave."

"Then, don't." I said as tears filled my eyes.

"Then," he said as tears slid down his own cheeks. "Tell me that you'll stay forever. Tell me that you love me, as much and if not more than I love you. Tell me you are mine." he said as he looked deep into my face. "Trust in me. Give me credit for something ruined and alien to your mother and father. I'm different. You can see that, Leopold. I'm always yours. Always."

And with that, our long, loving kiss resumed. My hands reached to twist into his hair. His beautiful, golden hair. Both of us started moaning into the other's mouth. Some words discernable, and others lost. My grip got tighter, and his did to. Holding him close, kissing him long, and hard. Loving him, as he loved me. The stars above glowing and shining a shield over us. Pulling us into a world where only two existed. I for him, and him for me.


	37. Prayers, Tombs, and Tears

**Prayers, Tombs, and Tears**

**Kenny**

The next few weeks flew by quickly. Aunt Nelly, Butters and I had a lot of fun together. She loved to dote on the boy, and expressed her love for him often when we were alone. She expressed her ecstasy at the fact that I was here, sharing this marvelous time with Leopold. I loved him so much, and would do whatever he asked.

"I'm going to have to leave you guys tomorrow." she said softly as we both sat in the kitchen eating fudge. Butters was in the shower. "I got called into work. I'm really, truly, sorry."

"It's okay. Butters and I'll strike out and venture on our own." I said smiling. "We'll be fine."

"You can take my second car." she said smiling at me. "I'll leave the keys on top of the microwave in the morning, so you two don't have to wake up."

"What time do you leave?" I asked.

"Five thirty in the morning. It's okay, though." she said quickly. "I'll be back by four in the afternoon."

"Has Butters talked to you, lately, Kenny?" she asked as we both moved to the couch.

"No." I said simply. "He's doing a lot better. You know, it's almost fading away. His hair is actually hair now." I said smiling. "He looks a little fuller than when we came here."

"Yes." she said softly. "He does. He has gained a little weight." she said softly. "What's going to happen afterward?" she asked.

"I don't know. He says he wants to go into photography." I said softly. "It doesn't surprise me. He's into art."

"Kenny," she said sighing. "He loves you. Or at least, is trying. He wants to love you."

"Yeah. I see it." I said truthfully. "It's getting better. I think he has hope. I told him he shouldn't let the way people treated him, and his parents relationship ruin his view of love. It's hard for him, though."

"Possibly harder for him because of the cancer." she said sighing. "You should let him talk to you."

"I do." I said sadly. "I encourage him to talk to me. You know? He says I'm the one he loves. So it's only fit that I be the one who he needs right now. I always try to listen to him, and what he's really saying. To truly listen to his heart."

"It'll be okay." I said after a while. "We're not going to lose him. I just can feel it."

"Hey, you guys!" We both smiled as we heard him calling from upstairs. "Aunt Nelly, where do you keep the towels?" he yelled.

… … … … …

The next morning, Butters and I rose slowly, and calmly. Not with our usual cheer, looking forward to Nelly's pampering, and sightseeing. We rose solemnly, and almost in a bittersweet manner. The sun had already risen, and it looked like it would be a beautiful day.

We both got dressed in silence, and walked down stairs after taking care of things in the bathroom. We made our way down to the kitchen, and found breakfast. Pancakes, bacon, eggs and sausages. All left neatly in the warm oven to keep warm until we decided to eat. We ate slowly, and quietly. I didn't feel the need for words, and he seemed not to either. So neither of us broke the content silence between us. He'd laid out the plans for today the night before. Insisting that we go to a nearby chapel that he noticed, and to Michael Jackson's grave site. This made me feel strange in a way. Butters looming over the prospect of death. Was he not telling me something?

We made it to the chapel, and surprisingly enough, the old building was empty. Open to all, it said. We both stepped in. We still hadn't broken our silence, only needing glances and gentle touches to communicate. It was a silence so golden, I wanted to hold on to it for as long as I could.

"Kenny?" he asked as we slid into a pew. "Will you pray with me? I'm not sure how, but I'll pray the way I pray before I go to sleep." he said softly.

"Of course I will." I said solemnly as I knelt down beside him and we both made a praying gesture with our palms.

"Thank you, lord. For having given me a second chance at life." he started. "I know I'm not usually this way, but I feel as if the world is small, and life is short. And I'm so very grateful that you gave me this life. This very moment, for that matter. I'm okay with everything. Being gay, being small, and being touched by good Hodgkin. Brings a lesson into my life, and maybe those around me. Maybe mom and dad will come to terms with things once they return.

"People always looked down on homosexuality, or in fact on anything that was remotely different to the norms of white culture. But I keep thinking, Lord, that if it was a sin, then, you wouldn't allow for such deeds to happen. I believe that Satan could not have created such an emotion as love. It is wholly, and entirely your creation, and thus, I feel that I'm doing the right thing. Kenny is the most special thing that's happened to me since my birth. Because it was special, too. You gave life to something that you knew would turn out right. Cut out from very special cloth. And now, I feel something. Something's about to happen to me that will change my whole perspective on life, forever. Not that Hodgkin hasn't already, but something is definitely going to happen. I'll rise to the challenge, knowing that you will walk with me, and that you will not let anything you don't want, happen to me."

"The world is such a small place." I said softly. "In certain views. And in others, like the view I had when it was Leopold's birthday, it's a big place. A very enormous place, crowded by unique personalities, and unique pairs of people wandering the world. Like Leopold and I. I hope you give us the chance to find our place in the world. Because it will always be, ours. In your presence, and in your chapel, as alien and strange as it may sound," I said extending my hand to my soul mate. "I'm giving my heart to Leopold wholly, and solely to him. We'll find a place for both of us to fit in the world, and I'm sure you'll lead us to it. All I ask is that you keep watch, and keep him beside me, in life and in death." Tears filled my eyes as I said the next words. "I always say that he'll be okay, and everything will be fine, and I whole heartedly believe that. But whether or not he survives this ordeal—which is not over, I know — I'll always love him. I'll always keep on going. Even if death pulls us apart."

As we knelt in the chapel, tears streaming down both our faces, we both said a prayer. It was one that many knew, and one that many parents led their children in before bed.

**Butters**

After we left the chapel, we made our way to Forest Lawn cemetery. I had printed a map of the place, and I pretty much knew where we were going. I hated that it was so far away. But soon, we were here.

It was a beautiful grassy area, and Michael's Mausoleum was not hard to find. It was a marble crypt, complete with his name, and the date of his death. I stared at it, and Kenny stared, too. He sighed.

"It looks way different than what I saw on the handprint." he said sadly.

"Yeah." I said as my throat clogged a little. "That's because he had control over the signature on the sidewalk. He had no control over this." I said running my fingers through the carving.

**Kenny**

I just wanted to leave. Going with him to the chapel had made me experience things I hated. I now had the same feeling in the pit of my stomach as he described. Something was going to change. However, this didn't mean it was necessarily bad. As we both stood, marveling at the grave, I felt saddened. I didn't want to be discussing death with Butters who was a possible candidate for it. But I recalled Nelly's plea that I listen to his feelings, if he ever did want to talk about death. At this point in time, I knew somehow. Butters's visit to this grave had something to do with what he was feeling. It was somehow connected. I felt strange. Death was something strange to me. I couldn't. I could never. My death should've been the first time I died when the Visitors came to town. Yet, here I was.

"I bet Jermaine, Janet and Tito, and the rest still come here." Butters said softly as he came and wrapped an arm around my waist. "Do you think?" he asked. "Do you think when people die, they can communicate with the people they love who are still here? What's it like, Kenny?"

"I…" I wanted to cry. "Nothing. I mean, for me, anyway. I always see different things. Sometimes, a bright light, and sometimes, fire. You know? Sometimes, heaven, and sometimes, hell. But I always end up here." I said softly. "Sadly, I still can't figure out why."

"Yeah?" he asked as he reached out and touched the crypt with one of his fingers. He let out a frustrated sigh, and I wished I could help. He was having trouble, with unanswered questions, and mysteries that he wanted so desperately to understand.

"Ken?" he asked as tears filled his eyes. He sounded hopelessly sad. "I'm really sorry. I just think about things like this, and it sort of scares me."

"It's okay." I said as I pulled him into my arms. "I guess, I think about it, too. I'm sorry our situations are different." I said as tears slid down my cheeks. "You're not wanting to die, and I'm craving for it." I said laughing hollowly.

"I guess I could understand why." he remarked. "Do you think I'll ever see you again?"

"Yes." I said in a whisper as a huge tear drop fell on to my love's head. "Yes, Butter Cup. I believe that maybe someday, my curse will die, or lift, or whatever. And I'll see you again. I believe that people meet up in Heaven. We will, too." I sighed as I held him.

"Michael." Butters sobbed. "I wonder if he knows that people still miss him. If he knows that his family still comes and gives flowers, and still grieves. When I die, I wonder if I'll be able…" he stopped as a huge sob escaped his throat. "If I'll be missed."

"Leopold!" I sobbed as I squeezed him without control.

"I hope, I can see from up there." he sobbed. "Maybe, I'll see mom and dad in a different light. Maybe. I hope, someone will still be here. To miss me. To bring me flowers."

"Leopold!" I moaned again. Don't. Please, be quiet, and let's get out of this place. It's too sad. You're too sad. "I love you!" I sobbed as I held him. "So much."

"Kenny?" he said looking up at me with sparkling eyes. Tears were shimmering in his pools of blue. "Remember my birthday?" he asked. "Remember our kiss?"

"Yes." I said remembering the feelings that never seemed to end. "I do."

"I wish, I could have that forever." he sobbed. "And Hodgkin never hit me. Those seem like fairy tale moments to me. Kenny? Will you miss me?"

"More than you can ever know." I sobbed. "More than you will ever understand. There… just isn't any words to explain how much a part of me you are." I sobbed. "I love you, Leopold. Always."

My tears were falling steadily as I held the boy close. I remembered Nelly telling us both when she saw what we were going to wear, yesterday night, that Taffeta stains easily. To be careful with the ties. I saw the water marks as the tears fell on to my suit. I didn't care. These clothes, this tie, would wear my tears forever. Tears caused by a grief so powerful, it hurt just to reminisce later. Tears that would mark the clothing, for the rest of time. The marks would be there to remind me of everything me and Butters have gone through over the last, who knows how long anymore. Those tears would always be. And I didn't care. I wasn't ruining it, I was marking it.


	38. More Filler

**More Filler**

I was standing with him, holding him to me. Our tears hadn't subsided yet, and we both still stood in front of the crypt, staring at the carving of Michael Jackson's name. Once in a while Butters would tighten his hold on me. As if I was the only one keeping him on this earth. We both finally got control of ourselves enough to stop crying. Or at least, sobbing violently.

"You okay?" I was the dumbest fuck in the world! What kind of idiot question was that? 'You okay?'

"I feel a little better." he sighed. "Kenny?" he asked.

"Leopold?"

"Let's go back home. I'm sure my aunt Nelly's almost back, and we have to get ready to leave tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah! Huh!" I gasped. "Can you believe it's already the thirtieth of October? Damn, just yesterday it was my birthday, and I was getting my appendix taken out."

"Just yesterday I was a pimp without really knowing it." Butters said laughing as I slapped his ass. "Kenny?" he asked.

"Leopold?"

"Let's go. We have to get back home. I'm really hungry."

"That's what I like to hear, Butter Cup!" I said as I picked him up in my arms. "I love Leopold Stotch!" I suddenly yelled, so loudly it echoed all around the cemetery. We both listened as the words bounced off rocks and crypts and came flying back to us until they faded.

"I love Kenneth McCormick!" Butters yelled just as loud. We both stared into each other's eyes as the words were bouncing around. When they faded, we both took one deep breath.

"I love you!" we both yelled at the top of our lungs.

"C'mon." Butters whispered when the voices faded. "Let's go. I need you!" he gasped. "To hold me as if you'll never have me again."

… … … … …

We returned to South Park the day after. Nelly was almost in tears, but promised she'd be by for Christmas. Butters said goodbye, and I did as well. I thanked her for having us, and she begged for me to come back as soon as possible. I told her I would.

The guys decided to throw Butters a late eighteenth birthday party on Halloween. It was the day we touched down in South Park. He seemed to have had a good time, and I liked his birthday party, as well.

Time seemed to be passing faster than before. Butters looked healthy enough, and was getting a complexion back. The guys had greeted Butters and I, and all their heads were covered in fuzz. Kyle's was covered in what looked like little red strands of almost curl. I laughed.

Christmas came and went, and Butter's parents returned from their cruise. Much to mine and Butter's disappointment.

"Hello, Kenny." Linda seemed a little nervous around me, and kind of bitter. "Where's Butters?" she asked.

"In the shower." I replied as the man walked in with bags.

"Hello, son. Where is Butters?" he asked looking around.

"Shower." Linda and I both said.

"Well, that's great. I'm glad the house is still in one piece. I'm really glad he didn't mess things up. He would've been grounded."

Just then, Butters came walking down the stairs. He was wearing a turquoise shirt, and a pair of tight blue jeans that hugged his body comfortably. I caught the implication at once. Linda and Chris took one look at him, and gasped.

"Have you lost weight?" she asked a little scared. "Chris, our son!"

"W-well, mom," Butters stammered. "I've had cancer. What do you expect?"

"How could you get cancer, young man?" Chris asked.

"This is out of his control, Chris." Linda defended. "Come on, you have to think about what you're getting angry at."

"Young man, if you get cancer again, you're going to be grounded." Chris glared. "If you die, you'll be grounded!" he yelled.

Un, fucking, believable! Butters had an expression on his face that said the same thing.

"What happened?" Linda asked looking over at me.

I filled them both in on Chemo, and the rest of the treatment he had to go through. Linda looked about ready to cry, but happy her son was okay.

"Well, we have to catch up with our Butters." Chris said looking daggers at me. "So, see you tomorrow, son."

"Whoa!" Butters gasped coming over to me. "Who said he was leaving?"

"Well, he's certainly not staying here." Chris said simply. "I'm assuming you have been taking care of yourself, and don't need to rely on anyone. Besides, mom and I will take care of you."

"But-!" Butters looked truly hurt. I felt strange, too.

So I moved back into my place, and left an almost heartbroken Butters to fend for himself. And that January we both went back to school. The whole crew had a little bit of hair now, and I could actually pull at some of the strands on Butters's head. It was amazing to see how quickly he was recovering.

Why? Why is it that the higher power out there decides it's time to feed you false hope, and make you believe that something is, when it's not? Butters's tests kept being fine all the way through April. But that didn't mean I didn't notice what was happening. That didn't stop me from noticing his fatigue, his weight loss. What the fuck is going on?

Now it was Linda and I who attended the hospital with Butters every time he needed to go in for testing. She was always more of a mess than even Butters. She almost went quietly hysterical.

"They'd notify us?" she asked one day as we sat waiting for Butters in the waiting room. "Right? They'd notify us if he got it again?"

"Yeah." I said yawning a little. "I try not to worry about every little pound he loses. His weight just fluctuates. Don't let every sniffle or lost pound hit you that hard."

"Yeah. I guess you're right, Kendrick." she sighed.

"It's Kenny." I said smiling at her.

"Sorry."


	39. It's Like the MaryGoRound of Horror

**It's Like the Mary-Go-Round of Horror**

I was sitting in Math Lab, when the doors opened. It was the beginning of May, and it looked like clouds were pushing by, trying to bring in some seldom seen son over South Park. The doors to the classroom opened, and in Came Mackey. He looked like he was about ready to tear someone up. He came running into the room, and walked right up to me.

"Kenny? I need you to come with me, mmmkay?" he drawled out. "Get your stuff, mmmkay? And let's go."

"Look, Mr. Mackey," Stan said from beside me. "It was Cartman. Okay? Whatever it is, it was Cartman."

"Stanley, not now! Mmmkay? Kenny, Butters is being taken to Hell's pass, mmmkay. You have to go."

My stomach knotted, and I felt like throwing up. Oh, god. What the hell was going on now? Why? God, you…!

I got my stuff, and ran off before anyone could question me. I ran through the halls, everything becoming blurred. I ran as fast as I could, through the front doors of the school, and out to the parking lot. I found Butter's car, and took his keys out of my pocket. Hell's Pass. I had to get to Hell's pass.

"Hey there, Kenny." a receptionist claimed as I burst in through the door twenty minutes later. "I'll see where Adams is, he's been waiting for you."

It was the longest five minutes of my cursed life. Soon, Adams came running over to me. I stared.

"Who brought him here?" I gasped. "What happened? What's happening?"

"Your school teacher, Mr. Garrison. Apparently Butters collapsed in his history class. Right now, he's out. I've taken a bone marrow aspiration from-."

"Again?" I shot before I could stop myself. "Fucking god dammit!" I yelled. "Can I please, go in there?"

"Hurry. I'm going to go see how fast we can do these tests. Kenny, he might have to stay overnight."

"Oh, for heaven's sakes." I grumbled. "Gaw!"

Butters was lying on a cot, whiter than the sheets on his body. And that's saying something.

"Oh, Leopold. Can you hear me?" I asked as I sat down on the chair beside his bed. "Can you hear me, Butter Cup? It's Kenny."

Nothing. I just couldn't believe that this was happening again. How?

It was around six in the afternoon when Butters uttered a single word. "Water."

I lifted him up, and helped him drink a little. He was shaking, and I felt his too hot skin on mine. He tried to focus on me, but his vision kept messing up. I could tell.

"Kenny?" he whimpered. "Kenny, what's happening to me?"

"I don't," I stopped a little too shaky to speak. "I'm not sure. Adams is going to let us know. Butters, you may be out of remission." I whispered the last words. I looked down at my soul mate and saw resignation on his face. Did he just think about giving up? "Butters?" I gasped.

"Yeah?" he said defeated.

"You just can't look like that! I'm able to virtually read your mind!" I moaned. "You just can't think about giving up now."

"Kenny, I was fine." he said softly. "I was fine. I was completely fine. Now? Now, I'm back where I started way long ago. It feels like a never ending circle. Or something similar. I'll never stop spinning until I die." he predicted.

"Butters, don't." I said softly. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really." he said softly. "But then, if I'm really truly honest with myself, I haven't been hungry in like forever."

The next day, Adams was the first thing I saw in the morning. He looked… well, down. And I can't lie and say I was surprised.

"Let me guess," I said coldly. "The cancer has spread to his bone marrow." We both finished the sentence at the same time.


	40. Slow Wasting

**Slow Wasting**

**Kenny**

Butters was back on Chemo again. He came to school less and less. He got balder, and the hat and sometimes my jacket were once more a part of his ensemble. I felt numb, and had no clue what to do.

They had harvested Butters's bone marrow, for the future, in case he ever needed it. Yet, the staff at Aurora's Children's hospital insisted they needed to find a donor for the boy, in case something went terribly wrong. So everyone—and I mean, absolutely everyone—got tested, and supported Butters in his quest to find a donor.

One day, Butters was sick after the dose he'd received, and Heather and I were standing by him as he lay on his caught.

"Want me to write a note for his teachers Kenny?" she asked. "You can swoop in and drop it off."

"How about," Butters said sounding unlike himself. "How about, you write a note to God. Tell him to find me a donor. Tell him, I don't want to die."

"Butters, you can't just give up." Heather said. I was unable to speak, and she knew it, too. "We're not giving up, and neither should you. No matter how messed up it looks, or how bad you see your chances of survival."

"How do you two see them?" Butters asked softly. "Tell the truth, no bullshit."

Both Heather and I recoiled a little at hearing him cuss. "Well," she said simply. "When you got better before you left to L.A., I thought you were fine. Honest to God, I did. I thought that was it. But now, that I see it's spread to your… well, marrow." She was fumbling for words. "Well, it doesn't look good. Butters!" she said sternly as he hung his head. "It doesn't mean you're completely fucked, yet." she said simply. "Okay? It doesn't mean everything has gone to hell. Yet."

"Yet." Butters said simply. "Yet. You said it yourself."

**Stan**

I felt sick to my stomach. I felt so much pain, I couldn't believe that this was happening to Butters. I just couldn't. I just felt… Heather. I needed her. She could talk to me. Maybe she could tell me what to do. How to deal. I left my house and rode off to Aurora. Who cared how far away it was. I had gas money.

School was almost out, and they still hadn't found a donor for Butters. They were still harvesting more of the cells, and hoping that everything would be okay. I really, hoped so, too. Soon, I was at the hospital.

I got out of the car, locked it, and ran. I walked in through the main entrance, and I walked slowly up to the ward. I didn't know what, or who I'd find up here. I felt sick. Distant. I felt bad. I pulled open the door, and walked into the hall. It felt ominous, for some reason. I walked up to the familiar desk, and it was empty. I headed around the corner and down the hall, and saw the familiar bench I'd once sat at. Heather was sitting beside a very unfamiliar Kenny. He was crying into his jacket, and his body shook violently. I turned to leave, but I heard him speak.

"I see you, Stanley. Come over here." he said. His voice cracked, and broke, and sounded so not Kenny.

Tears welled in my eyes as I walked back and sat beside Heather. She'd help me through this! I just knew it.

"Here." she said almost as if reading my mind. She got up, and pushed Kenny over to where I sat.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell! I couldn't face him! It was strange, to see him crying this way. To see him falling apart when he was Butters's last strength.

"Kenny?" I said through a sob. "I love you."

"Me too, Stan."

Bittersweet tears fell from my eyes as I reached out to the blonde and we both hugged. I wished so much that this was mom I was hugging. I wished it was her I was hugging after being in trouble, and for her to say, "Oh, Stanley. Just don't do it again, and I'll forgive you."

"He has to make it! He just has to!" I sobbed. "I can't deal with this! I can't deal with this anymore! I had enough dealing with it when I was nine, and the hockey team! Then there was the time when you got sick!" I sobbed. "Fuck! This is just too much!"

"How do you fuckin' think Leopold feels?" Heather asked as angry tears fell from her eyes. "How do you think he feels, Stan? Gaw! You and Kenny trying to reassure him, and keep him all happy! No! It's time to be realistic about this! Butters could die!"

"Don't!" Kenny sobbed tightening his grip on me. "Don't!"

"I'm just as hurt by this as you are." Heather said standing up and pacing the hall. "You know what he told me a little while ago when we were talking?" she asked. "He told me, "Sometimes when you're up against a superior enemy, it's best to just throw down the towel, and bow out with grace." Gaw, do you two know how messed up that was to hear?" she asked.

"Meanwhile," I yelled. "Butters's time is running out, and a fucking donor can't be found! Meanwhile, my friend is dying!"

"This whole thing just throws you for a loop." Kenny said sounding a little more like himself as he and I pulled away. "I mean, things go from bad to worse, to great, back to worse again. It's fucking tiring."

"Who said Cancer was easy." Heather said simply. "I'm not going to lie and bullshit and say things will be okay. Just make sure you stick to each other, and Butters. I'm here when you need." she promised.

"Now, all we have to do, is wait."

**Kenny**

Butters had begun to lose even more weight. Now, he was a wheelchair bound boy. He could barely walk, much less move his arms. It's the worst to see, but I made this promise to stick by him, and help him out as much as I could. He was frail. He was gone. My Butter Cup was gone.

"Butters?" Stan said the night before the hospital visit was due. "How's it going?"

"Good." Butters said as he stared at Stan. "Fine. I guess."

Stan pulled the smaller blonde into his lap. Butters relaxed into the contact as soon as Stan held him. Stan looked over at me, and I smiled.

"We're gonna win this." Stan encouraged.

"We've already lost it." Butters said smiling patiently at him.

"Butters!" I said bitterly. "It smells like negativity, in here. Calm down."

"Well, put it this way. The scales are set out, and have rocks in both sides. The rocks on the losing side are ebbing away, and the losing side is being pushed up, and the winning side is being pulled down."

Butters was put on total body irradiation treatment. Two doses a day, for six days. This means that his bone marrow was completely destroyed. The boy was now hanging on for dear life, with absolutely, literally, no immune system. So anything could get him sick. This was the most painful thing for me, because it meant I couldn't be with him. I couldn't be close to him. Since the first time I'd picked him up the very first time he was weak from his symptoms, I seldom put the boy down. And now, my arms felt light, and strange. They felt unfamiliar to me. I felt way too separated from my other half. It scared me, and hurt like hell. Stan was here with me, and I could see why it was such a big deal to him. Soon, the day came when it had to be done.


	41. This Time, It's Final

**This Time, It's Final**

**Kenny**

It was a bright sunny day down in Aurora. Butters was supposed to go under, at around ten in the morning. It was seven, and I was sitting beside him. He looked… well, skin and bones. Butters looked like some stranger. His head was hairless, and his body was skeletal, and sickly. He smelled of disinfectant and medicines. I couldn't touch him. He was surrounded by people, and it pained him that none of us could go near him. Right now, he was lying on his cot, tears streaming down his face.

"Kenny?" he asked.

"What?" I sounded rude. I didn't intend to, but I felt isolated from even him right now.

"Will you miss me?" he asked that question again as if it was something you asked every day.

"Yes." I repeated staring down at my shoes. "Very much, so."

"Kenny, I'll try." he said softly. "I'll try to get a message down to you from where I end up."

"Okay." was all I could say. "I love you." I tried.

"I love you, too." I watched as he fingered the bracelet on his left hand. The little pearls set into it like snow were shining.

"Lamont?" he asked.

"Lamont… doesn't… look… so good." I said softly. "He's greying over. He's swimming less and less."

"Oh." Butters looked broken now. As if his gold fish was the only thing keeping him together.

"I'll win you another fish, Leopold!" I pleaded as my tears fell on to my chest.

"No." he said softly. "This is it, Kenny."

"No! No, it's not!" I said beginning to steadily cry. "No! You can't say that! Leopold, no!" I begged. "Please!"

"Will you promise to be okay?" he asked. "Even if I'm not here?"

"I can't, No, don't make me think about that right now!" I sobbed. "I just want you to get better!"

"And I will. One way or the other." he said softly. "Promise. I'll always have this." he said fingering the bracelet again. "It's part of me. You're part of me."

They came, and they took him away again. This time, Butters was right. There seemed to be a finality to the way things were done. Butters looked at me for the longest time. As if pleading with me to help him. I wished I could even give him one squeeze of his hand. One stroke to his beautifully sunken cheek. Then, he was gone. And not a dry eye in the house.

A shaking sobbing Stan came walking over to me. He wrapped his arms around me, and we both stood, crying as the clock ticked on. I hated this so fucking much.

"How long?" Stan croaked. "How long did they say it would take?"

"Anywhere from seven to nine hours." I said barely above a whisper. "Stan, Butters, my Butter Cup, is gone."

"No, he's not!" Stan sobbed as he clung to me, and I to him. "He's not gone! He'll make it through this time! And this time, he'll beat it completely!" Stan cried. "I can feel it Kenny. Didn't you see the way they wheeled him into the operating room? As if-!"

"As if this was it." I cut in. "That's just it, Stan. What if it's it?"

"That has two different meanings!" Stan moaned. "This is it, Kenny! I can feel it. This is it! He'll make it through, and you know it. Everything will be okay! He'll win! You'll see."

I waited for what felt like the longest five thousand eternities in the world. I stepped out and got Butters a bouquet of flowers. I got him a dozen white roses. Someone once told me white was the color of peace, and hope. So, it was a good omen.

"Kenny?" said a very unfamiliar broken voice. "You c-can come see h-him."

I turned around, and saw Heather standing almost nose to nose with me. We both hugged as tears slid continuously down both our eyes. That's when I noticed she had bloody latex gloves in one hand.

"Is it…?"

"Yes." she answered. "It's Leopold's blood."

"Why are you smiling!" I yelled. "This isn't funny!"

"Don't you see, Kenny?" she said through a sob. "He's done! It's over! He didn't reject the marrow, and he gained color back into his complexion. It's over, Kenny. It's all, over." she said through sobs of joy. "Butters is going to be okay. And I don't lie."

"So how come you still look a little strange?" I asked.

"The radiation we used, to treat him." she explained. "It blasted through his chest. His vocal cords," she looked sad. "They have been damaged."

"I saw this when I was researching his disease not too long ago." I said hopefully. "There have been six cases like his, and so far, all healed."

"Yes. But we don't know how long it will take."


	42. The Sound of Silence

**The Sound of Silence**

**Butters**

My eyes opened. My vision was blurred, and I felt something wet on my face. Who was I? Where was I? What was happening? I focused my vision enough to see what was above me. A glint of gold. A shimmer of blue. I still couldn't quite get the form to come into focus clear enough. I closed my eyes, and opened them again. Kenny's face was just inches from mine. I gasped. My breath hitched in my throat as I felt my stomach melt. My whole body melt, actually. The wetness on my face turned to be his tears as he stood over me, crying. I smiled and reached up. As I placed my left hand on his cheek, a glint of white caught my eye. The bracelet. I smiled as I caressed the pearls with my right hand.

"Kenny?" I tried. But no sound came out of my mouth. I stared horrified at him.

"Kenny?" I tried again. Nothing.

"Leo-pold." Kenny sobbed as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me up a little. "I'm right here, baby." he croaked. "I'm right here."

"Kenny!" I tried again. Nothing. I pushed him away, and clutched at my throat. What had happened to me? The beeping of the heart monitor was starting to get annoying.

"He's awake!" Kenny yelled through his tears. "Butters is awake!"

The room instantly crowded with people as they all filed in. I saw blurred figures coming towards me.

"Butters!" my mom said as she came walking over to me. "Butters, are you okay?" she asked.

Well, yeah. Save for the fact that I can't talk! I wanted to know what was going on.

"Butters?" said a familiar voice. "Honey, are you feeling okay?"

Yes already. Tell me why I can't talk?

"Butters, we sort of fucked up a little." Heather said softly as she came into view. "We kind of messed up with the radiation, and blasted your vocal cords. Honey, you can't talk."

No shit! Tears filled my eyes at the realization. I'd lost my voice. I wouldn't be able to talk to my family. To my Kenny! I wouldn't be able to say I love you. Oh, fuck!

"Butters," Kenny said appearing within the line of my vision again. "You're going to be okay. This has happened before, and to all the people that it's happened to, it's healed over. We don't know how long, but you'll be okay. Butters?" he whispered leaning down and taking my face in his hands. "You made it, love. You made it, Butter Cup."

Kenny let go of me, and my mom came into view again. She told me everything was going to be okay. She said I was all better, and that's all that mattered.

"Good thing you didn't die." dad said as he stood over me and grimaced. "We would've had to ground you."

"For heaven's sake, Chris!" my mom glared at him bitterly.

They moved away, and a different queue of people came to stand over me. It was Stan, Kyle, and Token. I noticed Stan was holding something in his hands. It was my gold fish! Lamont was swimming gracefully through the water. His colors were back! He wasn't greying over, like Kenny told me he had.

"What kind of super power do you have that you haven't told us about?" Token asked looking strangely at me. "That fish was as good as dead fifteen minutes ago."

"He's linked to Butters." Stan teased. "Accept this one won't kill him."

Token bent down, and hugged me. "Hey, guy." he said softly. "We're all getting ready to throw you the biggest bash you've ever been to. But this time, you're taking shots with us."

I hugged him back, unable to say anything. He smiled in understanding. "See you in a bit. Half the town wants to say something to you." he said as he backed away.

"I told you you'd make it, Butters." Stan said smiling as he held me. "You're strong, kid. And you've just started living. You got a long ways to go."

I smiled. I mouthed a thank you, and he nodded. "You're welcome." I tried to tell him I loved him. "I love you, too." he said as he held me. "I'm gonna go call the girls and tell them you're okay."

It went on for twenty minutes. I was getting tired of all these people surrounding me. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to be alone with Kenny. I wanted to hold him. To be held and comforted by him. I knew I was okay, but just to be close to him, and reassured that everything was over. I needed to be with Kenny. So very much.

"Butters?" The people were all gone. Kenny and Heather were the only ones in the room. "I got you something." he said smiling. "It's a get well gift. We want you out of the hospital soon."

He produced a bouquet of beautiful white roses. My heart melted, and I tried to squeal, moan, or make any kind of noise I could. But it was useless. He smiled as I reached for one of the flowers. I took it in my hand, and caressed the petals. I fingered the thorns, and saw him wince a little. I smiled as I held it to my face, and inhaled it's beautiful scent. I pressed my lips to it, and smiled.

"You like them, Leopold?" he asked smiling at me.

I nodded as I held the rose to me. He smiled taking it and placing it back with the other roses.

"There's all the flowers and strawberries you could ever want, my dear boy, if you stay mine." he said with a sarcastically serious face.

… … … … …

Three days later, I was let out of the hospital. Mom and dad wanted to pick me up, but I told them no. I told them I was fine. Kenny would come get me. He still had my car, anyway. And he did. We thanked everyone who helped me through this, and left soon after.

Before he started the engine, I sent him a text. 'Hey, Kenny, let's not go back to my place. Mom and dad are there. Let's get a hotel. I need to be close to you.'

I heard an intake of breath. He reached over, and caressed my face. I smiled. My eyes fell shut at the feeling of his hand.

"You sure about this?" he asked softly. "Aren't you tired?"

I shook my head, and looked over at him. I filled my eyes with tears, and he broke down.

"Okay. Okay. I'll take us." he said laughing.

**Kenny**

I felt sick to my stomach. I felt nervous. Butters wanted us to make love. Would it be the same as it used to be? He couldn't sigh my name anymore. I couldn't hear him say I love you. I felt tears well up in my eyes as we both walked into City Wok. We decided to get food.

"Welcome to Shitty Wok. Twy aw shpeshall shitty chicken." the familiar restaurant keeper said bravely. "Oh, herro. You feel bettah?" he asked touching Butters's shoulder. Butters smiled, and nodded.

"I hear he lose voish." he asked looking at the boy.

"It'll be back, though." I said reassuringly. "No one needs to worry."

It was a little strange sitting in the booth with Butters across from me, unable to say anything. He felt it, too, because he'd reach out and squeeze my hand, or touch my face. He didn't care that anyone was around looking at us. Stan and Wendy were in the next booth, talking, and Butters playfully turned around, and poked Stan on the back of the head.

"Butters!" Wendy and Stan both said laughing. "Dude, he's out?"

"Yeah." I said trying to smile.

"Kenny, he's lucky. I'm sure he'll be lucky again."

… … … … …

Butters was not so lucky. Yet I still didn't give up hope. It had been way to long since I'd heard his beautiful soprano singing. Hell, I forgot what the fuck it sounded like. Two whole years passed, and still, there was nothing. He went back for testing every six months, and everything was fine. It looked like, aside from his damaged vocals, Butters was in the clear. Him and I managed to get an apartment below the one Scot and Cartman were sharing. ("Wait, so does that mean Butters has your blood?" Scot asked his half-brother calmly one day.) I was hired on as a tattoo artist at the local tattoo parlor. Butters was going to community college trying to get into photography.

… … … … …

We were lying in bed, and the full moon was out. Butters was in my arms gently resting. I'd recently brought him a dozen lilies, and he was still thanking me in his own way. He'd kiss me, or smile. He took my hand and pressed it against his heart. His eyes filled with tears, and he smiled. He was glad to be alive.

"I'm glad you made it, too, baby." I said as I hugged him. "It's okay."

He smiled as he took my hand. He pressed it into his arousal, and I snickered. "Oh, is that how it's gonna be?" I asked seductively into his ear.

Butters strongly flipped me over so I was on the bottom. He ground into me hard, and I moaned as my body melted. He gave me a devilish smirk, and kissed me hard. I moaned his name into his mouth, and he smiled.

He mouthed my name, and I almost cried. I desperately wanted to hear him say Kenny, again. In that all too excited squeal.

**Butters**

I squirmed gently as Kenny entered me. He felt so right. So comfortable on top of me. I felt loved. Wanted. Just like I wanted him. I reached up, and touched his face. I tried to mouthe I love you, and he caught it too.

"I love you, too, Butter Cup. Always." he said smiling as he started up.

Oh, Kenny! You feel so good. More! More! Faster. Speed up, Kenny!

"Oh, fuck!" he moaned fifteen minutes later. "Ugh! You feel so good, Leopold!" he groaned. "Someday, you'll be screaming my name." Kenny promised. "You feel so good."

**Kenny**

Butters reached up and twisted his fingers through my hair. He started kissing me gently, at first. Then, the passion kicked in, and he caressed my tongue with his. My body shook as I moaned and sighed around his mouth. I hit his prostate, and he jerked, and I heard him breathe fast. Soon, he was pulling at my hair as I stroked him faster. He opened his mouth in an o, and a silent moan escaped his lips. I clamped down on to his mouth and groaned as I exploded, filling him with love.

"God, Butters! You're the best part of me!" I moaned. "You're my fucking everything!" I said as I hugged him tightly.

… … … … …

Two weeks later, I was too sleepy to think. It was morning, and I didn't know what time it was. Only that someone far off in my dream was yelling at the top of their lungs. The yelling got closer, and I felt a hard jolt to my shoulder.

"Kenny!"

"Shut up, Butters." I said softly. "I'm sleeping. Go away."

"Kenny!"

"Dude, Butters. Fuck off and be quiet so…!"

I sat bolt upright, and stared at a wide eyed, red faced Butters. We both stared at each other wide eyed. He didn't!

"Really?" I asked softly.

"Yeah." he said in an unfamiliar tone. "Really."

I pulled him to me, and he smiled as we both collapsed on to the bed. He kissed me, and grinned wildly.

"Kenny!" he moaned as he straddled my hips. "How awake are you?"

"After two and a half years of not hearing your voice, I'd say I'm very awake. Why?"

"Truth, or dare?" he asked softly.

"Dare." I said without hesitation.

"Do me." he begged. "Right now, darn it."

**Butters**

Kenny flipped us both over, and I felt him pull at the waistband of my pajama bottoms. He pulled them off, and I gasped as my erection sprang out. Kenny smiled as he slid out of his briefs. I grinned.

"I love you." I said softly.

"I love, you, too." he said as he took a jar of Vaseline and lubed himself up. "Ready?"

"Always."

He lifted my legs up a little, and quickly and familiarly slid in. I moaned as I twisted my fingers through his golden hair.

"Remember the first time you smoked weed?" he asked as he stroked in and out.

"No." I moaned. "All I remember is eating tons and tons of pizza rolls. Fuck!" I cried. "Right there! Kenny, that's it! Right there! Keep pushing that spot!" I groaned as he tapped on my prostate.

"You're like magic." he said kissing me.

"What?" I gasped.

"That's what you said to me. You told me, I was like magic. You really don't remember?" he asked.

"No." I groaned. "But I know I'm really close!"

Soon, we both moaned at the tops of our lungs as we exploded.

"Say my name, Leopold!" he pleaded. ("Kenny!") "Oh, Leopold! Say my name! It's been way too long!" he pleaded as a second climax hit me. )"Ugh! Kennnnnnnnyyyy!") "Yes!" he moaned as he hit my prostate again and I exploded again. "Yes, baby! Yes! Fuck! I love you!" he swore as I collapsed back on to the bed. "Kenny!" I gasped. "Kenny! Kenny."

He leaned down and captured my lips with his. The kiss felt marvelous. It was deep, and caring, and I loved him. He smiled as he pulled away.

"You taste like strawberries." he whispered as he gently licked at my lips.

"And you taste like honey." I replied as I pulled him to me. "I love you, always."

I had made it through. As I lay there holding him, flash backs of Chemo, and Aunt Nelly came to me. I remembered standing with him in a grave yard. Everything was okay. My cancer was gone, or at least in remission. There was silence in my life. Normalcy. I was okay, and my mom and dad's marriage was trashed, but my kinship with Kenny was whole. He'd never leave.

**Kenny**

"Scot!" I heard a passionate cry from above. I snickered as I straightened the vase on the window sill. The door opened, and a familiar figure came walking in.

"How was the tattoo parlor?" Butters asked as he closed the door.

"Good. How was the photo shop?"

"Good. You cleaned?"

"I'm capable of doing more than sexual activity, thank you very much." I glared.

"Aw!" he cooed. "Someone's pouty."

"How was your testing?" I asked.

"Good. Guess who was promoted to doctor status?" he asked.

"Who?"

"Heather."

"Oh, hell no!" I cried.

"More!" I heard Scot yell. "God, Cartman! Oh! Fuck!"

"How the fuck are those two even together?" I cried. "Scot's ugly as sin!"

Butters was laughing so hard as he collapsed on to the couch. He just couldn't control himself.

"Come sit with me." He said smiling.

"You mean, sit on you?" I asked as I walked over and sat down on his lap.

"Gee, Ken." he said as he pulled me to him. "You don't beat around the bush."

"Hey, if Cartman fatass is gettin' some, I better be gettin' some soon, too." I said seductively.

He turned me around, and kissed me. I molded my lips into his, and he moaned.

"You taste like honey." he said softly.

"And you like Strawberries."

**Author's Note:**

Hello again. If you actually stuck with me through the entire thing, thank you. I realize this was very long, and at times the chapters seemed like they weren't really needed. But that was the whole point of this book. To show that even the smallest things matter. The small gestures, details, emotions.

I actually did research the hell out of this story, so that it would come out more real than most of my work. Hodgkin's Lymphoma is a very often misdiagnosed disease. Often, it's symptoms are treated one at a time, and therefore, are not diagnosed correctly. This is why it took so long for Butters to realize what was wrong with him. I did research the operation that he went through, and they do take anywhere from four to eight hours. The little hospital in Colorado, the one in Aurora, is real. It's actually a real place. It does take two to two and a half hours for a bone marrow aspiration. A lot of people asked me, what the hell I was thinking. At a couple points in the story, it looked like he was going to be okay. Then, I hit him with another tumor, or another complication. That's because Hodgkin's is like that. So are many types of cancer. Otherwise, people wouldn't be so afraid of it. If it could just be cured in a heartbeat. I also researched the process of the radiation treatment he had to go through. It does go the way I described. I researched the whole, losing your voice for a period of time. It actually has happened to six very rare cases. It took me a long time to find it, and I don't even remember what I typed into Google. I wish I had kept a bibliography of all the stuff I used.

My favorite chapter to write, was chapter 20. I don't know where the whole thing came from. But I did have fun. I'm originally from Mexico. They have a carnival every Christmas, and the vendors actually have stands like the strawberries with whipped cream one. The spinning bear is actually a real ride. The gold fish Butters got is actually my gold fish that I got at my Senior Banquet when I graduated three and a half years ago. It has those three colors. But his name was not Lamont. I stole that from the Cosby Show. For the chapter with Aunt Nelly, I had to go and watch Awesome-O again. I forgot how fucking funny that episode was. Hearing Matt Stone Make Butters speak even one word in Japanese, is awesome! I actually went to Disney Land. I don't really remember what we did when we went, so I couldn't write that much on the chapter. But I did hug Mickey and Minnie Mouse. Oh, and the roller coaster got delayed. The place where the three of them went to shop is called, Rodeo Drive. I heard a pack of gum there is fifteen bucks. But that may be exaggerated. Please feel free to review. Thank you, if you stuck all the way through.


End file.
